Page 50

The need for nicotine beats inside of me like a drum. But then I think about how I’ve used my willingness to give up my smokes to kiss her whenever I had the chanceand that she’s been letting me… and fuck the cigarette.

Luckily, I have other ways to work out my aggression. A round in the building’s gym, beating the shit out of the punching bag, might do me wonders.

Even if it only makes me more pissed off that, when I stalk pastourbedroom, she doesn’t stop me to ask me where I’m going.

FOURTEEN

VISITORS

ADRIAN

On the plus side, Loni was sound asleep in our bed when I finished with my second shower of the night. It was well past one in the morning when I took it, but there was no way in hell that I was going to return to my wife a sweaty, smelly mess after my gym session.

That’s the plus side.

I wish I could say that she woke up the next morning, happy and sated and full of love for her husband. Nope. Rising with the sun, she got up to leave while I was still sleeping. I sensed her leaving and instinctively reached out for her.

Her response was to slap my hand, tell me not to touch her, and that she was tender from last night.

Ouch.

I wanted to apologize. I wanted to see for myself whether or not she was okay, but considering she escaped before I’d even pulled myself up, I have to hope that the rough way I fucked her in the shower didn’t screw up my chances with Lonithatbad.

She didn’t join me for breakfast, but I honestly didn’t expect her to. I left a message for Mrs. Gammond to bring a muffin andcoffee to Loni’s room when she showed up for work today, then had to head out to the Fortress so I could start mine.

And all that’s a lie.

A coward. I’m a fucking coward.

I blame Jack. He put doubts in my head, making me think that Loni will leave me as soon as she gets the chance. She won’t Claim me, right? I didn’t realize how much I was afraid of that until she headed for the shower and the rejection was like a blaring siren in my skull.

Now I’m going to have to figure out a way to make it up to her. Even if she was, she won’t admit if it I scared her, but the way I chased her into the shower… that was desperate.

The Adrian she knew wasn’t desperate.

The Adrian she knew wouldn’t apologize… so maybe I should start there.

You can tell how unusual it is for me to admit any fault by the amount of time it takes me to compose my text to Loni. After closing the door to my office door, telling the communal secretaries on the twentieth floor that I don’t want to be disturbed, I ignored the pile of work next to my computer in favor of figuring out the right words to send to my wife.

Morning, princess. I had to head to the office early, and I think you were still sleeping when I left. Get your rest. Last night… I had a wonderful time, but I just wanted to tell you that, if I came on too strong, I’m sorry. I love you. I’m not perfect. I’ll fuck up from time to time, and I want you to tell me when I do. So if I hurt you… I’m sorry about that, too.

There. Like me, they’re not perfect, but they’re a start.

I hesitated when I added the fact that I loved her before ultimately deciding it had to stay. No doubt she’ll think I’mfibbing, that I’m only adding that to manipulate her like the way she accused me of doing when we were kids, but those words are my truth.

Whether she believes them or not.

I don’t expect her to answer me. In her shoes, I might leave her on read. Does that keep me from holding the phone in my hand for a few minutes, willing her to respond?

Not even a little.

Eventually, I give up. I set the phone done, telling myself that it’s my fault for fucking everything up, then reach for my mouse.

My phone buzzes repeatedly, multiple messages coming in quick succession.

I grab the damn thing so quickly, it nearly slips out of my hand. I swear to God, if it’s Dallas or Connor or even Jack fucking Collins texting me right now?—

MY WIFE