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I couldn’t hide the gaunt look to my cheeks with foundation, though I tried. And I might’ve been too nervous to eat that much my first few days, once I got a little used to the idea of being stuck here, I ate if only to get him to shut up about feeding me.

Plus, I’ve been lonely for so long, I actually started to hunger for company almost as much as my next meal.

Even if that company is Adrian Heller.

I haven’t left the house yet. For one reason, my car is still at Dad’s. For another, I’m waiting for the whispers around my bloody wedding to die down a little. I remember what it’s like to be the main character of the Harmony Heights’ gossip mill. It’s not fun. I’d rather hide out until someone else steals the show.

I’m not a prisoner. I could leave, but I just don’t want to. Eventually, I’ll have to. Whether I agree with it or not, being an Offering—and the wife of an Owed—comes with duties and expectations that I’ll have to fulfill if I want to keep this position.

And I have to. I have to be the one who wins. For Dad’s sake… for mine… when it comes to this marriage, it’s unfortunately ‘til death do we part’, but that death? It won’t be mine.

Adrian married me. I’ll make him regret it if I have to, but until I see which way the wind will blow, I have to follow the Order’s bylaws to a tee.

And that includes spending one night in Adrian’s bed every week.

Now, I don’t have to fuck him in it. I just have to sleep by his side, but for me? That’s worse. It’s something I always longed for, cuddling up next to him after sex was done, but that wasimpossible. We were in the middle of a hidden affair. Pillow talk and snuggles were out of the question.

No. The most I got was a deep kiss, a pat on the ass, and a reminder that he’d be looking for me soon because, damn it, he was so fucking addicted, he couldn’t stay away for long.

Silly Loni. I fell for it, too. I believed him. And while I was at least pretty confident that I wasn’t one of plenty that he sought out when his dick was hard, I always felt so… so…usedafter. Before long, I ended every encounter with Adrian in the shower, as though I could wash myself clean.

I took one right before dinner, a reminder to myself that I can’t forget the past no matter how much he thinks I should. There have been moments over this last week where, for a few seconds, I remember the boy I once loved.

The boy who broke my heart.

It hurts, even now all these years later, but if a casual phrase or a heated stare from my husband propels me into the past, what will his warmth, his scent, the feel of his body close to mine… what will that do to me tonight?

I’m not planning on fucking him, but I hadn’t planned on doing it the first time he seduced me when I was seventeen.

Or the second.

Or the third…

I’m going into tonight with my eyes open and my legs closed. At least, that’s what I tell myself as I climb into Adrian’s bed wearing a t-shirt, sleep pants, and a full set of underwear. It’s no chastity belt, but hopefully it’s close.

Part of me hoped that I could knock right out before Adrian finished up whatever he was doing in his third-floor study. He had to do some work after dinner, and—with one final reminder—told me that I should wait for him in our room.

It’s after ten, but I’m way too keyed up to sleep. Any sound, from the AC to the settling of the large house, seems like Adrianwalking down the hall toward me. I chided myself when he still never showed, but as much as I wanted to say ‘screw it’, and go back to the bed I’ve made mine over the last week, I refuse to move.

If I break the Order’s laws, how will Adrian react? Will he tell Jack he made a mistake? I doubt it, but he’s been so… nice this week, I’m afraid I’ll see a return of the bastard who made my school years a living hell.

He’s plotting something. Do I know what? Not even a little. That makes me more determined to find a way out without jeopardizing my dad’s safety, and if I mentioned that it looks like the Order condones murder these days… who knows? Maybe Adrian will think twice about being a dick to me again.

Oh, no. I think he just wants to use his dickinme…

He doesn’t hide his attraction to me. If there’s one thing I can admit, it’s that Adrian has never made fun of my appearance. He’s drawn to it for reasons I’ve never quite fathomed, and it’s obvious that he has every intention of sleeping with me the moment I give him any sign that I’ll welcome him.

Well, he can wait forever, as far as I’m concerned. He used sex to control me once. I… I just can’t let him do it again.

But, I tell you, it would be so much easier if I wasn’t so damn attracted tohim.

There’s a lamp on a nightstand that I’ve kept on so that I’m not just lying here in the dark. When a shadow appears in the doorway, I realize that that was my mistake. If I wanted to pretend I was sleeping, sitting up, watching the door with the light on was a big ol’ goof.

“You waited up. I’m so glad.”

“Couldn’t sleep,” I say off-handedly.

“Mm.”