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I was raped. In front of him. The night he died… God, I didn’t want to think about that. I cleared my throat to loosen the sudden lump of emotion.

Jesse didn’t press. He knew the circumstances surrounding Joel’s death.

“And the priest?” He laughed. “What was that like?”

“Sweet.” I smiled through a soft sigh. “A sweet disaster.”

My thoughts drifted to the third man I’d had sex with. Michio’s model-perfect physique. His logical mind. The way he put me before himself, helping me escape Malta, and now, going after the Drone. My chest ached.

“I miss the doctor, too, you know.” Jesse stroked fingers down my arm, making my skin shiver. “I genuinely like the guy. Trust him even, against my better judgment.”

“You trust him?” I wasn’t sure I trusted him.

“I trust he left to protect you from the Drone, and maybe even to protect you from himself.”

I agreed with the first part, but whether or not Michio was a danger to me sat heavy in my stomach. He would never try to hurt me. The amount of control he still had over his actions, however, was another story.

Jesse’s fingers lingered on the inside of my elbow, tracing the crease there. “Tell me your favorite fantasy.”

I glanced up at his strange expression as images tumbled through my mind in vivid detail. How would he react to my unconventional thoughts? I feared his judgment, and that strained look on his face made me hesitate.

“I don’t know, Jesse. You have that I'm-gonna-run-far-and-fast look in your eyes.”

“I promise I’m not going anywhere.” He pulled me closer to his chest. “I answered your questions. You owe me.”

“You’re right. It’s just…” I didn’t want this to change the way he looked at my other guardians. “It’s just a fantasy. It doesn’t mean—”

“Spill it.”

Ugh. So bossy. I cuddled closer to his chest, resting my cheek on his shoulder and avoiding eye contact like a coward. “I think about being with all three of you. At the same time. A willing union. You know, with no fighting. No angry glares. No shame. All of us coming together.”

He seemed to process that, taking his time in a thoughtful trance, his fingers roaming up and down my arm. “That’s not very graphic, darlin’.”

Not the response I expected. “I wasn’t sure how much imagery you wanted.”

“So when you say coming together, do you mean cumming together?”

I chewed on my lip. “Both.”

“Like three dicks in one hole?” He smirked.

“No.” I laughed, comforted by his lighthearted tone. “I have three holes.”

“Which one would I get?”

Wow. He was humoring me. And torturing me. I squeezed my thighs together to dull the damnable ache. An ache that could be soothed with so many possibilities. And risks. “Which hole? Um… Any? All?”

His hand dropped to the seam formed between my pressed thighs, his finger following the line from my knees to the crotch of the yoga pants. “The one I want I can't have.”

I swallowed, hard. “Which is why it’s a fantasy.”

“I want to be inside you.” The gentle cadence of his voice drifted around us, melding with the rain and licking my skin. “I want to make you come and see the look on your face.”

I lifted my head and peered into his hooded eyes, my heart thrashing with hope and wonderment and a whole lot of nervous energy. “Now?”

His jaw set, and he jerked his hand back, looking away.

“Have you ever seen me? Come?”

“No.” He lowered his head, focused on my lap, his muscles hardening beneath me. “Christ, I’ve been tempted to watch, but I won't. The first time I see you come, I want it to be with me, by me, and my eyes you’re connected with.”

My pulse sped into a wild gallop, and my clothes suddenly felt too heavy, too confining.

He pulled his hips back and nudged my ass away from his groin, but not before I felt it. Stiff and jerking beneath the denim of his jeans, his erection formed a long stark outline beside his zipper.

My breath caught, my tongue went numb, and my fingers curled against his shoulders.

“Evie.”

His voice cracked, snapping my attention to his beautiful face. Despite the dark surroundings, his eyes glowed like molten copper. His lips separated, revealing the tip of his tongue, and his body was so still, his chest and arms frozen with so much tension, I wasn’t sure he was breathing.

I wanted to drag down his zipper and release his cock. I wanted to look at it for the first time, hold it in my hands, and stroke it until his control exploded into frantic limbs, panting breaths, and slick skin. Fuck, I would’ve given anything to see him come. But if I voiced it, begged for it, would he run?

I pressed my lips together to trap the plea and uncurled from his lap, rising on wobbly legs. His arms fell to his sides, his eyes locked on mine.