Page 53 of Bitter When He Begs

To ignoring.

To acting like none of it fucking happened.

I take another sip of my drink, breathing out slowly and willing my body to relax and not look at him. To not give in and make eye contact just so he can pull me in again.

I’m about to try and listen to Nate, when I catch movement out of the corner of my eye as Luca steps into the kitchen, scans the crowd, and shakes his head. Then he turns back toward the stairs and disappears.

Wait, what?

That was fucking weird. Luca is usually the loudest at parties, the center of attention, and the cockiest, most confident one here. But after catching a glimpse of his face just now, he looked… resigned? Tired? Like he didn’t even want to be here in the first place.

And fuck me, I don’t want to care because I know how this goes. I know it ends up with me fucked out and begging on his lap again and craving the way he makes me feel.

But I still want to know what he was thinking just now. I still want to know why he didn’t look like himself. I still want to know all this, despite how cruel he was, despite how much I should hate him.

I still care, godfuckingdamnit.

I don’t even realize I’ve started moving until I’m halfway across the room, cutting through the crowd and heading for the stairs. I don’t even try to talk myself out of it, even though I know this is a bad fucking idea.

Going after him is just going to lead to more bullshit, more push-and-pull, more of the same exhausting back and forth that I was lucky to get away from before. But the second I saw that look on his face… Fuck, I just need to know. I just need to—

“Sage.”

My internal spiral stops when I feel a hand on my shoulder, barely making it to the first step. I turn, heart still hammering, and find myself face to face with Roman’s boyfriend, Damon.

His dark green eyes are too fucking knowing as he watches me, like he’s already figured out what I was about to do. I swallow hard and try not to squirm under his gaze. “Yeah?”

He doesn’t let go of my shoulder. “Where are you going? You know no one is allowed upstairs.”

I could say I was going to the bathroom because the one downstairs is occupied, or that I left something in Damien’s room last time I was here. But Damon isn’t dumb and would see right through me.

So instead, I opt for the truth. “I was going to see Luca.”

Damon closes his eyes briefly and sighs, almost as if he knew that was coming, but hoped he was wrong. “Why?”

I open my mouth—then shut it. Fuck, why do I really want to talk to him?

I clench my jaw and mutter, “I don’t fucking know.”

He drops his hand from my shoulder and crosses his arms over his chest. “Look, man, Luca’s not in a good headspace right now.”

“And?” I ask, frowning.

“And,” Damon continues, levelling me with a look I do not like, “ the best thing for both of you would be to leave him the fuck alone and give him space.”

I don’t like that answer. Not one bit.

“What do you know?” I ask, lowering my voice.

Damon just shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

That makes me bristle. “It does if you’re telling me to stay the fuck away from him.”

“I’m telling you to give him space,” Damon corrects. “For your sake just as much as his.”

I press my lips together, itching to just say “fuck it” and push past him, to keep going and not let this be the end of it.

But Damon is still watching and waiting for me to make the right fucking call. After a long, tense moment, I do. I take a slow step back… then another. Because this isn’t just about me, it’s about Luca. And if Damon Ward, who barely gives a shit aboutanyone, thinks Luca needs space, then maybe… maybe he really does.