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After a moment of silence, Mom says, “Do you remember our trip to the Mississippi coast? You were maybe…seven? We hopped over to Biloxi after visiting your grandparents and rented this cute house right on the beach.”

I search my memories and come up blank.

“I don’t remember,” I say.

“It’s okay. The point is, the night before we were set to leave, we spent a little too long outside. You and Rainn were building the most elaborate sandcastle I’d ever seen, and you would not leave until you got the last turret just right.”

I close my eyes and try to remember, and I frown when I latch onto the memory.

“Rainn pushed me into the castle for some reason.”

Mom nods.

“Yes. You’d tripped over one of the lower towers he’d been working on. It was an accident, of course, but you two were so grumpy by that point, there was no reasoning with either of you about anything.”

I lift my shoulder. Sounds about right.

“Okay, so…is there a point to this little trip down memory lane?”

Mom smiles gently.

“Yes. Do you remember what happened after he pushed you?”

I think back.

“No. Should I?”

“Maybe. You almost drowned.”

My eyes bug out. “What?”

“It was the most terrifying thing to watch. Your dad had already gone inside to take a business call, so it was just me with you boys.” Her face hardens before she seems to deflate.

“You were so angry, you ran out into the damn ocean. The problem was that the tide was low, so you waded right into a rip current. It dragged you right out into the gulf.”

Her eyes slide closed, and her bottom lip trembles.

“I watched you struggle against the waves, but you were panicked. You knew how to swim by that point, but your anger and fear were literally dragging you under.”

I blow out a breath, running a hand over my mouth. I barely remember any of this, but as she recounts the incident, the sensation of the water pulling me farther from the shore unsettles me.

“How did I get out of it?”

Mom shakes herself a little and sits up straight.

“Your father. He heard me screaming and ran out to the beach to see what was going on. He kept calm and swam to the side of the rip. He told you to stop thrashing and swim toward him, parallel to the shore. Once you stopped fighting, you righted yourself and swam straight to him.”

I let that image settle before saying, “I’m sorry I put you through that.”

She releases a surprised laugh.

“You’re sorry? You didn’t really do anything wrong. You were panicked, so you just did whatever your emotions told you to do…even running out into the damn Gulf of Mexico.”

I twist my lips to the side.

“Here’s the thing, though. It sounds like you’re letting your emotions run you with this girl, too.”

I’m slow to nod at that. I’m all in with Shae. There’s no denying that at all.