Page 69 of Best Kept Vows

Sebastian murmured, considering, “I’ve heard that Cash Beaumont is struggling. But then, I’m sure he’s heard thatIam struggling. Honestly, Dad should’ve sold the factory years ago, taken the money, and invested it. He stubbornly stayed with it, and I should’ve suggested selling it when I saw how fucked up it was, but then…pride.”

I’d lived with Sebastian for twenty-two years, and I’d never seen him defeated. Angry, stressed, tired—yes, but never defeated. But now I did, and it ached to see him this way.

I stroked his shoulder. “You didn’t fail, Sebastian. It was impossible to make something as broken as Boone Metals work.”

He looked at me with amusement. “I don’t give a flyingfuck about Boone Metals. I failedyou. I failedus—that’s what is tearing me apart.”

A broken inhale slipped past my lips at his words.

“Yeah.” Sebastian swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “When you walked away”—his voice broke, and he paused, continuing hoarsely—“you took my fuckin’ heart with you, baby. I’m having trouble getting through the day.”

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. “But you were gone for so many years; how come you were getting through your day without seeing me then?”

I opened my eyes when I felt his fingers caress my lips. “A foolish man has to lose the most precious thing he has before he can measure the loss.”

“Those are just pretty words, Sebastian.” I lowered my gaze and shook my head. “Your mother and sister insult me. Your father treated me like dirt until his stroke when he realized that no one in his life gave a damn about him.You let them.”

Sebastian put a finger under my chin and lifted my face. His eyes locked with mine. They were filled with gut-wrenching regret. “I chose to keep the peace withthemover making you smile.”

Tears filled my eyes at his admission.

Finally, he was validating my feelings.

Finally, he wasadmittinghe had been choosing them over me—not saying I was imagining things, and I had to learn to make compromises.

“Then I chose to cater to mypriderather than make you smile. I chose to attend a quarterly financial meeting for acompany that was falling apart rather than attend your graduation ceremony.” He cleared his throat. “I saw your speech. Ada sent it to me. I watch it every night before I go to sleep.”

I sniffled. “That’s kinky.” I tried to lighten the mood.

“How can I not love you, baby? This is who you are. Instead of going at me for missing your important day, you’re cracking a joke soIwon’t start crying.”

“Only one of us gets to cry at a time…and it’s my turn.”

Sebastian pulled me closer, and I cuddled into him.

We may be having problems, but he was my man, and I didn’t want to live without him. I also knew that the way we had been living was not sustainable. I felt as if we were at an impasse, but now, he was saying all the right thingsanddoing them as well.

He kissed my hair. “I also kicked Mama out of my office.”

This made me raise my head. “First, you ditched her Sunday dinners, and now this?”

His eyes filled with quiet affection. “I know I can’t fix years of bullshit I put you through by doing what I am now, but, baby, I’m not doing this foryou, I’m also doing it for myself.”

“We can’t live in the past. You know that.”

“I do.” He sounded impossibly tired as he settled my head on his shoulder and stroked my back. “But in the present, we’re living apart, and that makes the future pretty hazy…andscary.”

“I can’t go back to…that.”

He didn’t say anything for a while. “I think I need helpin understanding what you mean bythatso I can do better for you.”

And here was the rub—I couldn’t blame him for all of it. The truth was, I had a habit of bottling things up, of not saying how I really felt. I didn’t tell him what I wanted, and then I felt disappointed when he didn’t somehow know. Living alone these past few weeks had shown me that. I was just as much a part of the silence as he was.

“I like living alone,” I confessed.

“I fuckin’ hate it,” he countered.

“How will we navigate this?”