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“It would be easier to list the limits, but if you’re not familiar with the lifestyle…” Her smile quivered then fell when he didn’t return it. “My typical scene includes shackles, crops, paddles, whips, ch…chains, clamps, and oral and vaginal intercourse.”

Every word stabbed his heart anew, slicing away piece by bleeding piece. “You let these…men have sex with you?” The question tore from his burning chest.

She held his gaze. “They’re simulated rape scenes.” Her voice was so soft he tilted his head to hear her, wishing he hadn’t.

His composure was slipping, his volume elevating. “Why would you do that?”

She closed her eyes and pressed her face in his neck. “To reenact the things Roy did to me. I set up the scene and have control of it every step of the way. I know I’m damaged, Jay. I get that, but—”

“Charlee.”

“Let me finish.” Her jaw hardened against his shoulder. “Those scenes help me restructure my feelings about what happened. They allow me to be in charge of the things he did, the punishments…the rapes. I always end the scene before the Dom does.” She let out a breath, warming his throat. “I use my safe word like a weapon.”

It was a harsh and penetrating moment of comprehension. How many times had he relived his first trip back to his land in the Canadian Boundary Waters, when he burned down the old shed and the cruel shadows within? Contracting a cabin to be built in its place, one with sunny rooms and walls of windows, had given him a sense of control over his memories. Someday, he’d have the strength of will and mind to live there.

Hired bondage was Charlee’s cabin. In a fucked up way, her methods made sense, but the risks were glaring. “How do you trust these people? I can’t believe Nathan would—”

Her head shot up, her eyes like blue flames. “He doesn’t like it, but he’s supportive. He investigates every person I hire. And after three years and a dozen cities, I’ve accumulated a very reliable portfolio of references.”

Images of calloused kinky men beating and fucking her corroded his ability to identify with her solution. She had options. She hadhim. “I get it, Charlee. I do. And I want you to trust me.”

A startled look softened her jaw.

“Hang on. I know for that to happen, I need to prove to both of us thatItrustyou.” He removed his arms from her waist and stretched them along the back of the seat. Maybe he was delaying exiting the car. Maybe he was out of his mind, but he wanted her wrapped around him in a way he’d never allowed anyone before. “Straddle me.”

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Silence. So dense it weighted the air in Charlee’s lungs. Straddle him?

Jay’s palm slid up her spine, raising bumps there, and returned to the back of the seat. A pulse of reckless want built up between them. Looking at his beautiful face, feeling that momentary comfort of his hand along her back, it was a glimmer of promise that left her burning for more.

Roy had stolen so much from her, but her desire to touch and be touched was still embedded deep within her. She hungered for physical closeness, in friendship or otherwise. “This will be a much more intimate position.”

His brown eyes clung to her like slow-moving molasses. “Exactly.”

Good lord, his sexiness issued from the purr of his voice, the dimple in his cheek, the lazy way his Adam’s apple nodded in his throat, and his vulnerability with touching. Hell, even wearing the stupid wig, he was tempting. She closed her eyes to break the trance.

“What are you thinking?” Warm exhales steamed against her lips.

She opened her eyes and found him watching her from inches away, stealing her breath. “Your security team is waiting for us.”

A flex rippled through his arms. He didn’t spare a glance at Colson and Tony, their backs to the SUV, keeping a vigil on the empty parking lot.

“We’re safe and in no hurry.” He bit his bottom lip, staring at hers. “Whenever you’re ready. My arms will stay here.” He patted the headrests on either side of him. “To prove to myself I don’t need to restrain you from touching me.”

The discussion about moving her to L.A. waited for them at the hotel. If she was going to consider his offer, they should feel comfortable enough to trust each other in this small thing.

Besides, he was so inviting, sitting there, chewing his lip, she wanted to close the distance just to lick where his teeth were.

She tossed his sunglasses on the seat and slid off his lap. He wasn’t a big man, but his presence was formidable, exuding potency and overwhelming the space around him. He moved his legs closer together and kept his arms outstretched, watching her, waiting.

Slowly, she placed a knee on the seat beside his hip and reached overhead, bracing her palms on the roof.

Curiosity nudged her. She wanted to pursue this connection with him, had to know where it would take her. She swung her other leg over his and hugged his narrow lap with her knees. A foot of emptiness separated their groins. Almost there.

He was motionless beneath her with his head tilted back and his eyes on hers.

The strength of his gaze tingled her cheeks and prodded her to close the distance. Would he trust her if she put her hands behind her back where he couldn’t see them? Could she trust herself to leave them there?