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We’re in the doctor’s office at my hospital. I don’t need an obstetrician to tell us the results—I could access them online myself—but I don’t want to rush anything anymore.
"Congratulations to both of you," says Dr. Hickle Sodder, the obstetrician. "You’re going to be parents. I assume you have some questions," he continues, smiling and looking directly at me—he’s known me for years—"but I’ll leave you alone for a moment so you can talk."
He closes the door, but I barely notice. I’m focused on her. She’s staring at her hands.
"Aren’t you happy?" I ask.
"I already knew."
"So did I."
"Are you happy?"
"You are the woman I’m crazy about, Taylor. How could I not be happy? We need to start planning the wedding."
I know the moment she looks at me that it was the wrong thing to say. But I’m fucking nervous and screwing everything up.
"You said you fell in love with me multiple times. If that’s true, if it’s real, you’ll wait."
"Wait?"
"Yes. I don’t want to marry you until I remember everything."
My first instinct is to deny her request, to insist.
But for the first time, I put myself in her shoes.
I imagine what it would be like if all I remembered of my past were fleeting flashes.
It sounds like a fucking nightmare.
"See Athanasios. He can help you."
"No, I want to remember on my own."
I do my best to control my frustration. "I’ll wait. But I want you to move in with me."
"I . . .”
"I’m compromising, Taylor. And you know me well enough to understand how hard that is for me. You have to make some concessions too."
"Alright."
* * *
"I can’t force her to visit you, Grandma."
"I don’t hold a grudge against her anymore."
"But the same can’t be said for her."
I told Maryann what Sherie had told me, as well as my mother’s confirmation. Even before knowing my woman was pregnant, Grandma was already feeling remorseful and tried to reach out to Taylor.
I know they spoke for over an hour on the phone. I was right there beside her.
I heard her tell my grandmother that she forgave her but she wasn’t ready to visit yet because she couldn’t bring herself to kiss someone she still resented.
I admire her honesty. And as much as I love Maryann, Taylor has the right not to see her yet.