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“Like I said. You’re a damn good actor. You’re also an excellent agent. You’ll figure it out. Marry the woman. She might be your in.”

“My in. I thought I already had one.” I knew he was just doing his job, ordered by the higher-ups to keep me engaged. We’d gone through a tremendous amount of effort to place me in a position where no other agent had been before. A few had tried and ended up dead in the Hudson River, their bloated bodies eventually turning up with evidence of torture.

What I’d never felt before was the need to beat the shit out of the man. Violence was like second nature to me, driving me to a different aspect of my personality. Some would say the dark side. Any other agent who found him or herself in this position would be pulled immediately, deprogrammed in an attempt to bring them back to mainstream society.

I was too far gone and I think Louis knew it instinctively.

“You do, but this is unprecedented. If you do this, you’ll be labeled a hero.”

“And what about my family? What then?”

“We’ll relocate you.”

I laughed, taking a purposeful step back to abate my desire to punch him in the face. At this point, all that would happen was dragging me into the DEA’s version of hell. Why bother? I would never be able to return to my normal life.

“You’re a fucking piece of work, Louis. When this is done, you and I are going to have a long discussion.”

“Fine, buddy. Whatever you want.” He held out his hand. There could be no evidence anywhere of my other life.

I glanced at my daughter’s sweet face, imagining her laughter that I hadn’t heard in months. My sadness had long since faded, my ability to feel normal emotions stripped from me. I handed him the photo and took a deep breath. “If I do this, be prepared for the outcome.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means the things I’ll need to do, the men I will destroy will be by these hands.” I held up my arms to make a point.

Louis glanced away, rubbing his jaw. “Just do me a favor and try not to lose your humanity.”

I shook my head before turning around, heading back to my car. “Too late.”

CHAPTER6

Carmella

Numb.

There was no other way to describe the way I felt. There was nothing inside. I’d gone through the different stages of emotion much like many did after a death or divorce.

Disbelief.

Sadness.

Anger.

Refusal.

Acceptance.

Right now, I was lost in a vast sea of nothingness, barely performing my duties as a doctor the last few days. My father had been released the morning of the great engagement party and announcement and I couldn’t care less.

What did that make me?

I hadn’t told anyone what this night would mean, especially my staff. I wouldn’t be able to keep it from them for long since my father had ensured there would be a huge formal announcement in the paper.

I’d ignored his calls and texts, refusing to accept them until my stepmother had arrived at my house only the night before. She’d thanked me for saving her daughter, my half-sister from the horrible fate. Only then had I agreed to go.

I waltzed into my father’s house, barely cognizant of the activity. I knew there were people everywhere, caterers and bakers, musicians and wine experts. I noticed the photographer milling around the dining room and purposely avoided him. Planting a smile on my face and pretending made me sick.

The only thought in my mind was about Amber and my little boy. His father didn’t give a shit about him, yet my father would make good on his threat. I was certain of that. Gabriel’s presence had been demanded and at least there was a playroom on the second floor. He would be consumed by the dozens of new toys I’d seen when dropping him off with the babysitter hired for the night.