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Still, it was a waste of fucking time, sitting in anger about things that were outside his control. He had no reason to think another inter-dimensional portal would ever offer itself to him, so he needed to come to terms with living in the world he was in now.

He needed to face realityas it wasnow.

He tried to focus on the fact that Wynter would be waiting for him, and hopefully glad to see him, despite the shape he was in. He knew she’d want to talk. He wasn’t sure he was up for that, but he knew Morley was right, that Wynter would be fucked-up from everything, too, and would probablyneedto talk about it.

Really, theyshouldtalk.

The problem was, if they talked, she’d want to know what was going on with him, and he wasn’t sure he was ready to go there.

But fuck it, he’d try, and at least try to be honest about how fucked up he was about what happened. He should probably warn her about his arms before she saw them. They’d heal in a day or so, far faster than a human, and much faster still if he fed on Wynter, but he’d probably look pretty bad shirtless until one of those two things happened.

He was avoiding though, even now.

Maybe Morley could play normal, and maybe Wynter even could, but he couldn’t.

He fuckingcouldn’t.

Gaos,was he depressed? Is that what this was?

He couldn’t ever remember being depressed before, not like this.

Whatever was wrong with him felt deeper this time, somehow.

It felt like he’d been pried gently open, exposed to warming, soft sunlight… and then, out of nowhere, had toxic acid thrown on the most vulnerable, hidden parts of himself. Being so close to that portal, so close to that other world and life, had reminded him in a way that was impossible to reverse. He couldn’t just “un-remember” it now.

Herememberedthat other world, at least parts of it.

Maybe not all the bare bone facts––but Nick remembered how it hadfelt.

More than that, he remembered whohe’dbeen, when he lived there.

Having all of it so near his grasp had awakened something inside him, something he’d buried so deep, he’d ceased to realize it was buried at all.

It felt like a version of himself he’d forgotten.

And maybe it wasn’t all because of the portal, not on its own.

Maybe some of it was that Jordan killed Nick’s doppelgänger, and now there was only one of them left in this dimension. That psychotic fuck might even be the real reason Nick had been able to forget who he was for so long. He might’ve blurred Nick’s feelings of not belonging here, just like Nick had blurred the doppelgänger’s feelings of originally coming from this world, confusing the loss of his human family and friends when he got turned into a vampire with Nick’s deep, unconscious desire to return to his own place and time.

Had theybothforgotten where they truly belonged?

Nick fought to untangle it.

He fought to understand.

He wanted so badly to understand.

“You look so frightfully serious, offspring,” a voice drawled out of the darkness.

Nick froze.

* * *

The other vampireremained in the darkness, far out of the light from the last bulb on the landing above. His purring voice grew a faint reproach.

“Does that mean you still regret not running through that door without me?” he asked next. “Leaving me behind on this world, all by my lonesome?”

Nick had just reached the bottom of the building’s staircase.