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Once he had, he winced.

The memory wasn’t one of his favorites. In fact, it might be hisleastfavorite of all the ones he’d seen so far. Truthfully, it almost embarrassed him.

He didn’t really want to dig into the reasons why, not now, not until they were somewhere safe, somewhere he could think. Would it make any difference in terms of where they were going now? Nick couldn’t imagine how it would. Still, it was hard not to feel ashamed of the person he’d been when Brick found him, or the fact that he’d spent so many years as a depressed, selfish, surly asshole who refused to lift a finger for anyone.

He grimaced at the thought.

He glanced down at the woman lying on his chest, her arm wrapped around his cold, vampire body. He tugged the blanket up higher around her shoulders and arms.

What would she think of him, if she knew?

What would she think, if she found out he’d sat out most of the war, preferring to sit in dark, windowless bars, watch the world burn through a haze of alcohol and indifference? What if she found out it wasBrickwho pushed him to do the right thing in the end? That it wasBrickwho bribed him to do something for someone other than himself?

Would it change her opinion of him?

How could it not?

“No,” a voice said, low, quiet, utterly calm. “I don’t think so, Nick.”

Nick’s eyes swiveled.

He blinked into Malek’s mismatched eyes, focusing on the lighter, bluer one, then the one so dark it was nearly black. The prescient seer returned his stare calmly, his face colored in blue and gold light from the glass portals into the ocean. Nick guessed the lights came from the outside of the submarine itself, given how fast they were moving, and how deep.

“And it wasn’t indifference, Nick,” Mal added, still in that matter-of-fact voice. “Not exactly. I suspect it was something closer to clinical depression.”

Nick frowned. Slowly, he shook his head.

“Vampires don’t get depressed.”

Malek blinked, then frowned. “That’s an illogical statement.”

Nick stared at him, then grunted a laugh, in spite of himself.

“Is it?”

“Yes,” Malek said, frowning. “Youobviouslywere depressed. And for a very long time.” Malek paused for a moment, then shrugged. “It’s not so strange to me, maybe, because I’m a seer. I remember my parents. Not their faces, not anymore, but I remember their lights… their voices, how they were together. They could not have lived without the other. They were bonded. If one of them died, the other would have died with them.”

Nick thought about that, nodding.

He’d heard of such things. Dalejem warned him that if Nick died the true death, he would likely follow. He told Nick he’d probably be dead within weeks, if not days.

At the time, Nick had told Jem that he was lucky.

He still thought so.

“That might’ve been easier,” Nick admitted to the seer.

Instead of arguing, Malek nodded.

“It might have been, yes,” he said agreeably. “Your vampire nature clearly wouldn’t let you die like that. But you were still forced to go through all the emotional experiences that would have literally killed one of my kind.”

Nick nodded, leaning his head against the recliner headrest.

“Do you know how Wynter got here, Malek?” he asked finally.

“You told us how,” Malek said. “She followed you through the door.”

“Then you think I’m right?” Nick pressed.