Page 156
Story: Acolyte
“I gave you a chance. I told you exactly what I planned to do, and you said no. Telling you the realreasonwhyI wanted to leave wouldn’t have made any difference.”
Skye snarled at that, but she answered with a growl of her own. It was a purely fey sound, one that caught him off guard.
But only for a moment. “I would’ve helped you,” he seethed. Her eyes widened slightly. “I would’ve tried to talk you out of it, but if you were truly intent on going, I would’ve helped you. The same way I have always helped you with every terrible idea I’ve never been able to dissuade you from. We could’ve plannedtogether, workedtogether. But instead, you decided for the both of us, and then you left me behind with nothing but questions and lies and a giant Taly-sized mess to clean up.”
Taly flinched.
And he knew in that moment that she had never considered the aftermath. What her leaving would look like. If his loyalties might be called into question.
“It hurt when you left,” he said, not to be cruel, but because he needed her to know. “It hurt, Taly, and I’m not talking about just Ebondrift. I’m talking about last year when you left home. Climbed out your fucking window in the middle of the night and then just disappeared. Do you know how many nights I heard Sarina crying after she’d thought everyone had gone to bed? Do you know what a gut-punch it was every time Ivain would pull two cigars after dinner, only to realize that you weren’t there? You left a giant, gaping hole in our lives, and if you want to know why I’m so pissed right now, it’s because I’m half-expecting you to do it again. The next time you decide you’re right and I’m wrong, how can I trust that you’renot just going to leave me behind? That you’re not going to lie to me, tell me how much you hate me, all for myown good?”
“Skye, I...” But she didn’t finish. Couldn’t.
Taking a shaky step back, Skye resumed his pacing. His skin felt too tight; his aether flared, reacting to his anger. There was still one thing that didn’t make sense. “You let Sarina and Ivain back in.”
“What?”
“You let them back in.” Skye’s voice was raw. He hadn’t realized how much this particular betrayal still hurt. “You keep saying that you left home, pushed us all away to keep us safe, but you letthemhelp you. You talked tothemin the street rather than walking the other way. You letthemback into your life but not me.”
His eyes met hers, angry. Demanding. “Why?”
Some other emotion flickered in her own eyes—guilt. “I never asked for Sarina or Ivain’s help. I told them to get lost, and they didn’t listen.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not,” she insisted weakly. “You try telling Sarinano. See where that gets you.”
Still lying. She was stilllyingto him. As if he didn’t know that she had tried to push him farther away than anybody else. “Maybe you should’ve told her that you were‘tired of being treated like a possession, so go find some other Shardless pet. You are not my friend, Skylen. You were never my friend, so get the hell out and forget you ever knew my name’.”
Taly winced, but he didn’t care. Those were her words, the ones that had kept him away for almost a year the first time she had run away. They hurt just as much now as when she had firsthurled them at him in that bunkhouse in Ebondrift. After she’d collapsed in the training yard, screaming and clutching her arm, he’d spent three weeks chasing her across the island. Three anxious, sleepless weeks where all he could do was hope she wasn’t dead or dying because of something he’d done.
“Did you try that?” His voice cracked. He didn’t bother to wipe away the tears stinging his eyes. “Because it certainly worked on me.”
“I…” She took a breath, blinking back her own tears. “I just wanted to protect you.”
“Stop saying that,” he hissed.
“No,”she barked back at him. “I will not stop saying that. I made mistakes, and knowing what I know now, I may have done some things differently. But I’m not sorry for wanting to protect your stupid ass.”
“Then give me a reason, Taly. Give me abetterreason. Tell me that you didn’t trust me enough or that I did something to make you question my loyalty because I don’t understand why you keep leaving me behind—why you would shut me out when all I have ever wanted is to stand with you. Why did you take away that choice? Why did you try tobreakus?”
“Because!” she spat.
“Because why?!” And Shards, it felt good to finally scream out his frustration. “WhyTaly?! Stop fucking around andtell - me - why!”
He could almost hear her own temper snapping from across the room as she screamed back at him, “Because I’m in love with you, you stupid idiot!”
Skye went still. Even his heart forgot to beat.
“It’s because I’m in love with you,” she said again, panting, sobbing, he wasn’t quite sure. One hand pounded against her chest, fingers digging into the fabric of her dress. “But I am a death sentence, not just for the people I care about, but anyone unlucky enough to be within spitting distance. Why do you think the Sanctorum came to Vale when I was only six years old? Why do you think they concentrated on that village over any of the others?”
A pause.
She gave a wet, miserable little laugh. “It’s becauseIwas there, and yes, it took me all of five fucking minutes to figure that out once I started seeingghosts. People have alreadydiedbecause of me, so if you want to know why I let Ivain and Sarina back in—that’s it. It’s because you mattered more. It’s because you weren’t letting go even after I said thoseawfulthings, and I knew if you kept at it, I’d cave and tell you everything. So, I singled you out. I sent back your letters, made sure you saw me turn around in the street. I accepted Sarina and Ivain’s offers of help even though I knew it put more risk onto them. I wanted you to be angry, because I knew if you were angry, you would stay away. And if you stayed away, you would be safe.
“If I managed to keep just one person alive, I wanted it to be you. Just you, Em. Because if you died, there wouldn’t be anything of me left.”
The windows rattled as a particularly violent explosion split open the sky, and it continued to growl for several long moments after.
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