Page 44
Luna looked toward the closed door. “Aren’t you going with them?”
Oliver swallowed. The wolf inside him prowled the edges of his skin, the moon pulling it toward thesurface. But whenever he reached for it, his wolf retreated.
“No,” he gritted.
He gave it another second, waiting to hear his family spill out the front door, their joy a knife in his stupid, bitter heart. Then he ripped it open, storming down the hall toward his room.
Luna called out for him.
He kept walking.
Oliver shut himself in his room and hoped.
Hoped she would come.
Hoped she wouldn’t.
Both of these hopes warred in his chest, equally violent. He’d spent every full moon alone in his room since the fire. It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried. Those first few months he’d run with them in his human form, but it wasn’t the same. Not with the wolf prowling inside of him, wanting out but not trusting him enough to hand the reins over. He couldn’t take another night of his family trying to include him in their puppy piles and running insultingly slowly so he could chase them. He didn’t need their pity.
Luna knocked on the door. The bond writhed hopefully behind his ribcage.
Oliver smacked his chest, annoyed. “What?”
Luna flung open the door and waltzed in, perching next to him on the bed so closely that Oliver jerked awayon instinct.
“I saw a wolf heading toward the lobby,” she said. “When you sayrunning…”
“A full moon makes the transformation easier,” Oliver admitted. “For some of us, anyway.”
Her keen eyes narrowed. Oliver had never wanted her to be absorbed and prissy until right now. If she looked at him with big, pitying eyes his family all denied they were giving him, he would lose it.
“Is that safe?” Luna asked after a worrying pause. “All of them wolfed out, running around? It’s probably fine, I just heard?—”
“The wolf can be hard to control if you’re not used to it. Or if you’re emotional. That’s why we run in packs; there’s someone there to keep you in order if you lose it.”
Luna hesitated. “So… you don’t shift?”
“Ican’t,” Oliver huffed bitterly. “Not anymore.”
He couldn’t hear the howling from his soundproofed room, but he could imagine it: racing through the trees, the kids tripping over their own paws. Even Vida let go of that aloof teenager crap on full moons, tongue lolling out of her mouth as she chased her brother and cousin around. Sabine and Ben would be nuzzling each other, Uncle Roy lingering around the edges of the pack until someone goaded him into chasing them, usually one of the aunts. And Grandmother would plod proudly behind them, keeping watch. Making sure the play didn’t get too rough, with no trees or skin broken tonight. They’d end the night exhausted and happy, filled with gratefulness that they were born into a family that got to have this.
And Oliver would be here, cold and alone. Hewashappy for them, really. But he couldn’t help the bitterness that welled up in him every full moon as he watched them bound outside on four paws. It was so muchsimplerbeing a wolf. He missed it with every part of himself.
Luna sniffed, breaking him out of his thought spiral. “When I was fourteen, my family went to Monaco, and I had to stay home with a broken leg.”
Oliver stared at her. He couldn’t tell if she was joking. Then, finally, her mouth twitched.
“I’m just saying,” she continued. “Itotallyunderstand.”
“Poor little rich girl,” he deadpanned. “Having to stay home from a family holiday. What, no maid to bring you caviar on a silver platter?”
“We did have a maid. But I dismissed her.Iwanted to sulk in solitude.” She bit her lip. At first, he thought she was going to proposition him like she often did when they were alone. But her expression didn’t fit. She looked… strangely vulnerable. Her chin lifted defiantly, the same way it had when she asked him to bring her into town to talk to Kat. Like she was waiting for him to make fun of her.
“You should quit pulling away so much. You’re making them sad. And you’re makingyousad. You should let yourself have something nice for once. Even if you don’t—” She stopped, lips pressed tight together.
He stared at her.Even if you don’t think you deserve it. He was terrified that was what she wasabout to say. He didn’t want her to see him. He didn’t want her to see the guilt curdling inside him. Did sheknowthe truth about the fire? They’d agreed not to go too deep. He rarely got her thoughts, just glimpses of sensation when they were having sex. The occasional slip when they were sitting too close during dinner. Images of her family, tinged with a strange sadness as she watched the Musgroves immerse themselves so deeply in each other’s lives. He tried to block it out as best he could, just like they promised. But some things leaked through.
Luna laughed, high and self-conscious. “Whoa! Where did that come from? I’ve been watching way too many Lifetime movies with you guys.” She slung a leg over him, settling into his lap. “Since we have this side of the inn all to ourselves…”
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