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Now I’m getting angry. “First of all, you came on to me, let’s not forget that. Second, it wasn’t like we had a huge conversation about any of this.”

“We could have if you hadn’t left the room so quickly this morning.”

She had a point, but I ignored it. “You’re blowing this all way out of proportion. We are going to take it slow, I promise. I just wanted you to know how I felt so that…”

Audrey crosses her arms over her chest. “So that what?”

I inhale. I had no idea it would be this fucking hard to ask for what I want, to put myself, if not first, at least on equal standing, with Audrey. “So that you aren’t the only one who gets what she wants out of this relationship, which is kind of how it’s been so far. You’ve set all the rules, and I’ve gone along because I want to be with you. But I’m part of this relationship, too, and you need to get that.”

“You’re absolutely right. That’s what I want in a relationship, too. Eventually. But I can’t give that to you right now. I have to put myself first, professionally and personally.”

“I understand,” I say. “We can?—”

“Stop,” Audrey says sharply. “Will you please just fucking listen to me?”

“I am.”

“No you’re not.” She closes her eyes and rubs her forehead. “I can’t do this again.” She looks me in the eye, her expression hard. “Stop trying to charm me into giving in and going along. Grow up, Toni. Take no for an answer. I don’t want a relationship with you.”

Audrey steps around me, careful to avoid touching me, and leaves the room.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

AUDREY

“Thank God,” I say when I see Willa sitting on our bed, on her phone, in much the same pose as she was a few hours ago. I close the door behind me. “We have to go. Now.”

Willa swings her legs off the bed and sits up, ready for action. “Why? What happened?”

I grab my suitcase, plop it on the bed, and start rounding up my stuff. “I just drove a stake through Toni’s heart.”

“Did she turn into a vampire?”

I huff out a frustrated sigh. “Now is not the time for jokes, Willa.”

“It’s obviously also not the time for metaphors, Audrey, but that didn’t stop you. What. Happened?”

I stop winding the cord to my Mac around the charging block. “She told me she was in love with me and wanted to grow old with me.”

“Shit,” Willa says softly.

“And I just couldn’t, Willa. I couldn’t handle it. I’m not ready for that, not anywhere close. Yes, I like Toni, a lot, and who knows what I might feel for her down the line. I mean, is this lust I feel now or something more? But she’s like well past the ‘let’s take it slow and find out’ and I tried to tell her and she wouldn’t listen and I kept trying and she kept…” I’m shaking so hard the neat bundle I’ve made of my cord falls apart. “Stupid tiny charging block,” I say as I try to rewind it, before it falls out of my hands and into the suitcase.

Willa is around the bed in a flash and holding me close. “Hey, hey, shhh. It’s OK. I got ya.”

“It felt just like talking to Shae and I knew that if I didn’t—if she kept—I had—her expression when I—” I can’t talk; I can’t breathe. Willa must be hugging me too hard because it feels like something or someone is sitting on my chest.

“OK, sit down,” Willa says. “Head between your knees.”

She sits next to me, her hand on my back, until my breathing returns to normal. Even then I keep my head on my knees so she won’t see the tears in my eyes.

“Stay here,” she says. “I’ll take care of everything.”

Willa leaves the room and I’m alone. I hear another door close in the distance and wonder if it’s Toni. Oh my God, Toni. The look on her face when I told her I didn’t want a relationship with her. Astonishment, sadness, mortification. It went through so many phases in that split second and I…I had to leave. Run. I couldn’t bear to see her.

I couldn’t bear to hear her try to convince me that we would work. That she understands. That she loves me.

It didn’t matter that I believed her. That I knew she wasn’t trying to control me. The echoes of my relationship with Shae were too strong and I did what I knew I had to do. Protect myself. Put myself first. And crush Toni in the process.