Page 3

“What about you?” Jenny says. “I want to know everything you’ve been up to. Has your mom finally decided to debut a girl group?”

My mom is none other than Seo Min Hee, CEO of Joah Entertainment, the record label XOXO is signed to, and one of Korea’s “Top Most Influential Women of the Decade.” The tight feeling in my chest, which started a few months ago and has only gotten worse in the past few weeks, returns at the thought of my mother.

“Sori?” Jenny frowns. “Is everything okay?”

“I don’t want to debut anymore.” It’s the first time I’ve spoken the words aloud. “I’ve been feeling this way for a while now.”

Jenny’s brow furrows, but she doesn’t interrupt me.

“I was hoping it would pass, that it was just fatigue from having been a trainee for so long...” I’d been working with the goal of becoming an idol since graduation, even before then. When I was in high school, I would wake up three hours before school every day just to practice my dancing. In middle school, I would spend hours studying choreography. It’salwaysbeen my goal, my dream.“But the closer it came to becoming a reality, the more I dreaded the idea of it, of having to live my life entirely at the whim of others and be judged for every action.” Memories from middle school stir in the back of my mind: whispers following me in the halls, the shuttering click of a camera as one of my classmates snapped a photo of me.

“Even then,” I say, drawing in a breath, “if I loved performing enough, if I was passionate about the music, then it would be worth it, but I’m not.”

What kind of trainee isn’t passionate about music? But that’swhyI don’t think it’s right for me. I love dancing, but I don’t know if that’s enough anymore.

I study Jenny’s face, which has remained expressionless the whole time. What is she thinking? Music has always been her passion; it’s what brought her and Jaewoo together in the first place, it’s what broughtustogether when we both attended SAA. Does she think I’m making a mistake?

“That’s fair,” Jenny says. “You of all people would know what it’s like to grow up in the public eye. I could see why you’d choose to stay out of it.”

Heat stirs the back of my eyes, but I refuse to cry for a second time tonight.

“There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind,” Jenny continues gently. “It’s never too late to try something new. You’ll find something else that you’re more passionate about.”

If only my mom thought the same.For many reasons, some of which I don’t even know if Icanexplain to Jenny, she’ll be the most disappointed that I’ve changed my mind. But that’s for me to worry about when I return to Korea.

“Thanks, Jenny. I needed to hear that.” I pick up the menu and—surreptitiously—fan my face. “After not seeing each other for over six months, are we really giving each other pep talks?”

She laughs. “What are best friends for? But seriously, Sori, let’s not wait another six months to have a heart-to-heart.”

I flip over the menu. “You’re right, and I’m starving. Should we order some food?”

She grins. “I thought you’d never ask.”

An hour flies by, then two, as she tells me about her classes and family, and I tell her about our friends in Seoul, as well as my most recent modeling job in Singapore, all while devouring our favorite foods we used to have while at school. Tteokbokki, the sweet and spicy rice cakes covered in melted mozzarella cheese. Garlic fried chicken, deep fried and coated in a sweet and sticky soy garlic sauce. And thick rolls of gimbap stuffed with seasoned vegetables and sliced into pieces.

The crowd in the restaurant gets rowdier as the night goes on. In the middle of the room, a group of businessmen are playing drinking games, dumping their shot glasses into pints of beer.

“We should go!” I shout over their loud cheers.

“Let me use the restroom first!” Jenny hops up from her seat,weaving around the tables. Once she’s disappeared into the stairwell, I call over our server to pay the bill. Jenny will be upset when she gets back, but what’s the use of having money if you can’t spoil the people you love?

For a moment, the noise level in the bar dies down as the current music video ends. Then a small cheer erupts as the logo for Joah Entertainment appears on all three monitors.

“Didn’t you try to get tickets for their concert tonight?” the girl at the next table over asks her friend.

“I did, but they’ve become so popular, it was impossible.” They’re speaking in Korean, their voices carrying over the opening bars of XOXO’s newest single.

The song opens on a rap shared by XOXO’s two rappers, Sun and Youngmin, their voices complementing each other’s. Then it leads into the pre-chorus, sung by Jaewoo alone, his vocals smooth and powerful.

The girl across from me sighs dreamily. “Bae Jaewoo is so handsome in this comeback.”

I smile, wondering what Jenny would think of these girls swooning over her boyfriend. Though she’s probably used to it by now.

The music video changes to a different set for the chorus and my eyes stray to the monitors. The concept for their comeback is a nightmarish wonderland, where each member offers a temptation.

“It’s Lee Jihyuk for me,” the other girl says, calling Nathaniel, XOXO’s other vocalist, by his Korean name. “The way he moves his body is downright sinful.”

I’m only half listening to her words, unable to tear my eyesfrom the screen. Nathaniel is at the front of the formation, as he always is in any of their more difficult choreography. As I watch him, I’m struck with a series of memories, of when we were in middle school and he chased me around the schoolyard with a frog in his hand, and then later, in high school, watching him play soccer on the field, his eyes that found mine when he made a goal, and thenlater,his hand sliding down my waist, the other moving back my hair as his lips pressed against the curve of my neck.