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He stepped closer, his heat wrapping around me.“Anyone with eyes or ears would have.”
“What you saw was a friendly interaction between two people.Besides, what if Iwasflirting with him?What’s it to you?You had your chance.Now you’re going to get pissed when someone else is nice to me?You don’t get to be jealous.”
Our eyes locked, and neither of us spoke.The air hung heavy between us, sucking the oxygen from my lungs, but I refused to back down first.If he wanted to walk away again, then I wasn’t going to stop him.
His jaw clenched, a slight tick in the tight skin.“I didn’t expect it to bother me so much.”
“You should have thought of that before you pushed me away.”
“I didn’t push you away.”
“Bullshit.You have been using flirt tactics with me since we slept together in October.Then you amped them up on New Year’s.You said exactly what you wanted from me and once you got it, you ran the second things felt real.”
He thrust a hand through his hair, the sleeves of his t-shirt straining against his muscles.“I pulled back because I had to.I couldn’t have sex with you again.”
“Don’t try to hit me with some noble bullshit.You think I’m mad at you because you didn’t sleep with me?I’m mad because you shut me out.There’s something going on with you, and you won’t let me in.So don’t stand here and act like it was some righteous act.At least you can do is admit the truth.You got scared, maybe afraid you’d have to show me the real you, and maybe I wouldn’t like what you had to show, but you made that decision for me, didn’t you?”
His green eyes darkened.His mouth parted, and his jaw tightened, as if the words he was about to say physically pained him.“You’re right.”He inhaled, then his gaze darted to mine.“I was my decision, and I chose wrong.”
I blinked, not expecting him to fold so easily.
“I had my reasons, and I thought I was protecting you.In the end, the only thing I succeeded at was hurting you.That’s on me.No excuses.No noble spin.I fucked up, plain and simple.”
Relief flooded through me, but my mind was stuck on his words.“Protect me from what?”
“Me.The dark cloud that has followed me for so long, it’s now a part of me.You deserve sunshine, even the calm before the storm.Not the destruction the storm brings.”
“That sounds a little dramatic.”
“It’s not.You have no idea what I’m mixed up in.”
His voice dropped with the weight of whatever he was keeping from me.
I stared at him.At the man who could charm a room, who knew exactly how to touch me, kiss me, and see me.
“Then let me in.”I took his hand, savoring the warmth, and squeezed it.“Tell me.”
“Sher, I can’t.Not yet.”
“When?”
“I don’t know.When I figure it out.”
I dropped his hand and stepped back.“Let me know when you do.But like I already told you, don’t expect me to wait around for you.You didn’t like seeing me with Alec, then figure your shit out, because there’s only a matter of time before I say yes to someone who doesn’t look at me as an afterthought.”
The storm in his eyes intensified.“You’re not an afterthought.You’re every thought that runs through my head even in my fucking dreams.You’re always there.You’re just not in my arms.”
“I could be.”
“I know.”
For a second, neither of us so much as breathed.The weight of everything, his secrets, my heartbreak, the tension we kept pretending didn’t exist, pressed down so hard I thought the ground might crack beneath our feet.
“Then why aren’t I?”I asked, my voice no more than a whisper.
“Because the minute I pull you close, I won’t let you go.If something happens to you because of me…”
I stepped in closer, so close I could practically feel the pain radiating from him.“You’re not protecting me.For whatever reason, you’re punishing yourself, and dragging me through it in the process.”