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I dragged my finger along the rim of my glass, blinking back the sting in my eyes.“Then why did it feel like I got everything I wanted, only for it to disappear the second I allowed myself to believe it was real?That we could actually be… I don’t know, good for each other.”
Lainey squeezed my hand, her eyes meeting mine.“It was real.That’s what makes it so hard.You let your guard down, you let him in, and he pulled away.That doesn’t mean you weren’t enough, that just means he’s not ready for something real.And also that he’s an idiot.”
I laughed, but because I had been crying, it sounded like a drowning seal.“That was attractive.No wonder I can’t keep a guy.”
Lainey handed me a tissue, and I gratefully accepted.“Still cuter than Nero when he cries at Pixar movies.”
“Let me guess, he cried during Up, didn’t he?”
“Like a baby.Wouldn’t stop dwelling on the fact that Disney stripped Carl of his happy ending.I tried explaining to him he got his happily ever after, but all good things have to come to an end.Then he told me I’m not allowed to die first.”
A laugh rumbled out of me, shaky but genuine.The ache was still there, too deep to even touch, but the edges were a little less sharp.
“You really think he’s just not ready?”I asked, my voice just above a whisper.
“I think whatever happened between the making of the plans and the actual plans has nothing to do with you.Once he gets his head back on straight, he’s going to hate himself for rejecting you.”Lainey took a sip of her wine.“I wouldn’t be surprised if he comes crawling back.”
“He can crawl all he wants.I’m not handing him my heart again just for him to stomp on it.”I was the one who didn’t want to take whatever happened between us past that one night.He was the one who pushed.Then when I finally opened up to him, and invited him to continue the night, whether it was sex, conversation or both, he turned me down without hesitation.Now I was kicking myself for being so dumb.
Ben only wanted what he couldn’t have.Once I became unforbidden, the appeal vanished.The only person I had to blame was myself.
Lainey placed her glass on the coffee table.“I wouldn’t consider myself an expert on men.I’d been in love with Nero for so long, I didn’t see his flaws.But sweetie, everyone has flaws.People make mistakes, but don’t let their mistakes close you off from your own happiness.”
“I liked you better when you weren’t deliriously happy.At least then you would offer to make a voodoo cake and let me stab it to my heart’s content.”
Lainey grinned.“I have the ingredients.I’m just more subtle about my rage baking now.”
I laughed.“That sounds about on brand for you.What exactly does that entail?”
She lifted her chin proudly.“Oh, you know, delicately piping passive-aggressive phrases on cupcakes.Baking scones filled with spite.Yesterday I made a lemon tart so sharp it could end a man.”
“And Nero loved it, didn’t he?”
“Ate three slices and thanked me for putting my soul into it.Poor man didn’t even realize he was the soul I was sacrificing.”
“You’re terrifying.”
“And you love it.”
“I do.”I couldn’t deny it.To look at Lainey, she was about as terrifying as a quokka, though when it came down to it, she wouldn’t throw her baby to save herself.She would fight for those she loved, and she would fight dirty.
“What do you want me to bake?Something for you to stab?Something cursed we leave on his doorstep?Something good for your soul?”
I tapped my chin, pretending to think it over.“What pairs best with heartbreak and self-doubt?”
“Chocolate molten lava cake,” she said without skipping a beat.“It’s the drama of the gooey center.”
“Sounds perfect.”
She stood, snatched her wineglass and the bottle, and headed toward the kitchen.“Come on, let’s bake the pain away.If we have to set the oven to boil for symbolic reasons, so be it.I have some leftover lava cakes in the freezer.”
My mouth lifted at the edges, and I followed her into the kitchen.My heart was still a little wounded, but for the first time since Ben turned down my offer, I thought maybe I’d be okay.
And if not… voodoo cakes were not off the menu just yet.
Chapter 15
Ben