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“I don’t think this man is ready to get married,” she said, pointing to the screen. “He doesn’t even wear socks with his shoes.”

I had no idea how that made a man marriage worthy or not but it reminded me of the bombshell earlier today. “Sara Murphy told me that she and Clifford are married.”

“What? That’s absurd.”

My thoughts exactly. “He didn’t deny it and I saw them kissing in the janitor’s closet.” Which now that I thought about it, was extra disgusting because James had died in there.

“That little hussy.”

I wasn’t normally a fan of calling other women names but in this case it might be warranted. “I think Clifford was cheating on Mary.”

“That bastard. He deserved to be filleted like a fish. There’s too much competition for these men as it is. None of my friends need to compete with hot-to-trot thirty-year olds.”

“I wouldn’t call Sara Murphy hot-to-trot,” Jake said, bringing me a smoothie for my dinner.

My stomach was still upset so he’d blended up fruit and a protein shake.

“You better not,” I said. “But we should warn Clifford. I mean, Sara told me straight to my face that her plan was to kill Mary in a really horrific way.”

“Is there a good way to be killed?” Jake asked.

“Don’t joke around,” Grandma said. “But listen, I agree we should tell Clifford. Not that he’ll listen.”

“Why wouldn’t he listen to that?” I asked.

Grandma gestured to her chest. “Because of Sara.”

Jake actually let out a laugh and then stopped himself mid-chuckle.

“I’ll call him,” Grandma said. “We go way back.”

What followed was a convoluted conversation with Clifford on her cell on speaker that made me wonder if I was in fact on painkillers and completely high.

It went like this after they exchanged pleasantries and he asked about my injury:

Grandma: “That little Sara told my Bailey she is only with you for the money.”

Clifford: “I’m no idiot. Of course she’s with me for the money. Which is why I gave her a hundred grand and locked up the rest of my money with a prenup that she signed, but that she thought was a life insurance policy on me. She signs contracts without reading them, can you believe it?”

Grandma: “These kids today. They’ll read anything on their phone but hand them a legal document and they just sign their life away.”

Clifford: “It’s bananas. That’s why I put my money into a trust too for the grandkids. They’ll spend it all on crypto and trying to be social media influencers if they just get a big wad of cash.”

Grandma: “Bailey makes a living picking out kitchen cabinets for people. Who needs help with that?”

Clifford: “Indecisive generation.”

I glanced over at Jake and tried really, really hard not to roll my eyes.

Grandma: “Anyhoo. Turns out Sara tried to poison Mary and then couldn’t pull it off.”

Clifford: “Mary had a heart attack, God rest her soul.”

Grandma: “I know, because Sara couldn’t pull it off. But she wanted her claws in you.”

Clifford: “They’re in me. But at least I’ll die happy.”

Grandma: “What if she tries to kill you?”