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The man across from me has been in my life for the shortest time, and yet it’s agonizing to realize I’m just a puppet in his show.

Just like I’ve been all my life.

“So you trapped me in this arrangement, even though you knew my only reason was no longer valid?”

“Saar.” He sighs, closing his eyes briefly.

I chuckle humorlessly. “Don’t Saar me. Let’s do this for real?” I mock. “It’s just a deal for you, after all.”

“That’s not true,” he roars. His nostrils inflate. He clenches his fists.

“So what, you kept that tidbit from me because you just fucking have to control everything?”

“I’m not trying to control you. I was trying to protect you. Protect us.”

“Protect us? There is no us, Corm. There was your illusion of wanting to own me. Demanding to own me. Well, fuck you. I’m leaving. I’ve been controlled by my father and then by Vito all my fucking life, I’m not staying with another asshole.” I rush toward the house, away from him.

“Don’t you fucking dare compare me to them.” He follows.

I whip around, glaring at him. “Then tell me, where is the difference?”

“I fucking didn’t tell you because I knew you’d leave.”

“And then you wouldn’t get your fucking deal.”

He grabs my upper arms and pulls me to him like he wants to shake me. “Because I wanted you to stay.”

“So you fucking wanted to manipulate me into a relationship?”

He sighs and closes his eyes again. His grip loosens, and I should run up to pack, but I don’t move.

I don’t move because there is hurt in his normally calculating expression. Or I’m wishing for it to be there.

“It was a mistake,” he says finally, and lets go of my arms. “I didn’t want to lose you.”

There is so much fucking honesty in that statement, it takes my breath away. This is so fucked-up. “So instead of asking me to stay, you tricked me into it?”

“You wouldn’t have stayed.” The finality of his conviction startles me. He truly believes I wouldn’t.

“Is this the reason you were delaying the marriage certificate?”

He flinches. “I was delaying it because I wanted to see how serious your gambling issue was… and I guess I was hoping you wouldwantto marry me eventually.”

I blink. “You’re an idiot.”

“That’s clear now. Damn it, Saar, I fucked up. I was going to tell you after last night, but with everything about fucking Vito, and then you just left before I had a chance.”

Never have I thought I would hear desperation in Corm’s voice, or see it in his face. But it’s there, and it’s mingled with remorse.

The problem is, I want to stay. I want to forget and be with him. I hadn’t even realized how quickly this house became my home.

As fucked up as it is, I never truly had one, so I guess the little girl in me was just too eager to accept this situation as her home.

And as controlling as he is, Corm is caring and smart. Lonely like me, and a bit lost like me. He’s been encouraging and patient with me.

But I need to stand on my own two feet; otherwise, I can never trust again, to truly lean into a relationship.

I need to focus on my relationship with me, my body. I need to find myself, so I have something to offer in a relationship.