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I dismount, give my horse a couple of strokes, and thank her for her service, and then hand the reins over to the stable hand. The mare has earned her rest, too. I think of the poor horses we left out there and close my eyes to stop myself bursting into tears in front of everyone. I know they’re only animals, but I hate to think of them lost and afraid. I want to tell myself they’ll find their own way back to the borders of Askos and reach safety, butthey’ve most likely become meals for those creatures by now.

Balthorne stops beside me. “You should rest now, Princess. You must be tired.”

I shake my head. “There’s something I need to do.”

“If you mean informing the dead men’s families of their deaths, that is my job. I am head of the guards. They were my men.”

It wasn’t what I meant, but I place my hand on his arm. “Thank you, Balthorne. Make sure their families know we will take care of them.”

He ducks his head. “Of course.”

Balthorne walks away, and Ruarok takes his place. I’ve noticed the two men seem more comfortable in each other’s company since they slayed that monster together. Isn’t it strange, the things men bond over?

“Do you want company?” he asks.

“No. I need to be alone.”

So much time alone. Is that what I’m destined to be?

I walk through the grounds of the castle, around the side of the building, to where the King’s Tower once stood. Now there is only a gaping hole, and I can’t even see the bottom. My mother’s body is somewhere down there, and it breaks my heart that I won’t be able to give her a proper burial. I’d asked Ruarok to help organize a service, but since he’s been with us in the wildlands these last few days, I assume no progress has been made.

When will I break the news to my people that the mission failed? Not because we were unable to find the Mage, but because I’m unable to do what was requested of me?

I force myself to the edge of the hole, getting as close aspossible to where the ground gives way and falls into darkness. Earth at the sides shifts, dirt dribbling into the nothingness, and stones and rocks bouncing hollowly into the void. Though I’m at ground-level, the drop only inches from my feet makes me feel as though I’m standing at a great height, and the acrophobia sends tiny pinpricks of pain up through the soles of my feet and leaves me weak at the knees.

The feeling I’m getting here is similar to the one I experience when I’m with Ruarok. It’s dangerous and I know I shouldn’t be here, but I still can’t seem to bring myself to step away. It would be so easy, just to take those couple of steps forward, and plummet down to join my mother and the king. All the sadness and fear and crushing responsibility would be over.

Who would even miss me? I’m sure Skylar and Balthorne would, but they’d get on with their lives, and Ruarok would probably be delighted if he was left to take on the kingdom.

It occurs to me that I could allow my stepbrother to take over. What’s stopping me from doing exactly that? Would he be a better ruler?

The problem with my stepbrother is that all Ruarok thinks about is Ruarok. The decisions he’d make wouldn’t be made because it would benefit the kingdom and the people who live here, but because they benefit him. He showed that much when he protested me giving out the castle’s coin to those in need. Maybe he’d made out like he was objecting because he was worried about the people, but I could tell the truth from his first reaction.

Deep down, I’m always going to be concerned there was a word of truth in the reason the king had Ruaroklocked away for all that time. Had he really been considering killing me and my mother back then? The thought both hurts and angers me. I don’t want to believe it, but why else would the king go to such extreme lengths to rid himself of his only son?

The ground shifts again, and I let out a little cry and stumble back. My wings vibrate and lift me into the air. I wish they were strong enough to allow me to fly properly. Then I could fly down into the pit and perhaps learn where it ends, and what happened to my mother and the king.

But my wings aren’t strong enough for anything more than a few seconds of flight, and my feet touch solid ground again.

I don’t want to die. I know that now. Life may not be easy, but it’s all we have. Besides, my people need me. I might not be who I’d thought I was, and I might be a Fae princess with barely any magic, but I need to trust my heart and stay strong.

30

TAELYN

It takesa good twenty-four hours before I’m feeling anything like myself again. I slept for most of that time, and, when I wasn’t sleeping, I remained in bed, lost in thought, just staring at the walls.

I need to pull myself out of this fugue, but I’m struggling. Ruarok hasn’t even been to see me, and I don’t know how I feel about that either. I rejected him—as I should—but there’s definitely a part of me that wishes things were different. I could always request his presence—demand it, even—but that’s not the same. I want him to come to me becausehewants to.

A light knock comes at my door.

“Enter,” I call from my bed, my heart hitching, hoping maybe my thoughts of my stepbrother have conjured his presence.

I try not to let my disappointment show when Skylar enters, carrying a tray.

“I’ve brought you food,” she says, “and you’re going to get up and eat it, then you’re going to take a shower andget dressed, and I’m going to work all those knots out of your hair.”

I roll over in bed, so my back is toward her. “I’m still tired.”