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I stoke the fire burning inside me. I need to let her go.

There is one problem. If she does go, while I stay here, and she returns to the kingdom having found a way to stop the rot, she’ll be able to do no wrong in the eyes of her subjects.

In the meanwhile, I’ll have hidden here, at the castle, looking like a coward.

21

TAELYN

Every timeI look at Ruarok, the memory of last night leaps to the forefront of my mind.

I’m telling myself that I don’t want him around. It’s easier to give him a project to do than have him with me. But even so, I find myself looking for him at every opportunity, wanting to be near him.

It’s his magic, I tell myself for the hundredth time. I wonder what he did when he left my bedchambers last night. Did he go straight back to his room and take care of himself? Or did he slip into the city and find a whore to fuck? Or perhaps he didn’t even need to go that far and found a willing—or not so willing—chambermaid to empty himself into instead.

The thought alone is enough to heat my blood. What if I hadn’t thrown him out last night? Where would our relationship be now?

I can’t even think about what is going to happen long term. He certainly can’t stay here. I don’t think I’m strong enough to keep resisting him, and he doesn’t seem like thekind of man who simply gives up on what he wants. But it’s not as though I can send him away from the castle either. This is his home, no matter what I think. I could no more make him leave than he could make me leave.

Is my plan to head out into the wildlands in search of the Mage because it’ll mean I’ll no longer be in Ruarok’s presence? It’ll give me some breathing room, and then hopefully, by the time I return with an answer to how to stop the rot, we’ll both have moved on from whatever madness has taken over us.

I leave Ruarok and go in search of Balthorne. I need to tell him of my plans, and ensure he gets a group together for us to ride out into the wildlands. He’ll try to convince me it’s a bad idea, but it’s the only one I’ve got, even if it was courtesy of my stepbrother.

I find him in the courtyard. He’s wearing his cloak, and hands the reins of his horse over to a stable hand. He looks as though he’s been out in the city. What for? I haven’t asked him to go out there.

He sees me coming and offers a tight smile. “Princess Taelyn.”

“You’ve been out in the city?” I ask.

He nods but doesn’t offer any explanation. His line of sight flicks away from me.

I can tell something has happened. My stomach sinks. What now? Will this never end?

“What’s happened, Balthorne? Tell me.”

Still, he doesn’t look at me. “I thought Cirrus might have already spoken to you.”

I’m getting frustrated now. “About what?”

“There’s been some…disruption in the city.”

He clearly doesn’t want to tell me what’s happened. “Iswear to the gods, Balthorne, tell me now. What kind of disruption?”

He ducks his head, still not looking me in the eye. “The people you gave coins to have been robbed.”

Instantly, two particular people jump into my mind. “What about the mother and baby?”

“Both dead,” he says. “Heads bashed in, and bodies left on the streets.”

Tears fill my eyes. “No.”

Hadn’t Ruarok tried to warn me about something like this happening? I hadn’t wanted to listen.

“Who would do such a terrible thing?”

Balthorne bites his lower lip. “Anyone who got word that these people were carrying gold sovereigns. Unfortunately, they were easy targets.”

Guilt slides like black roots through my veins. This is my fault. I’d believed I was helping, but I’d only made things worse. That mother and her baby would still be alive today if I hadn’t given her the gold.