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Jude
Twenty-six years had passed,and while Heidi Titan wasn’t in my thoughts every day, I did think about her now and again. When I did, I always saw her the same way. Golden brown hair cut in the latest style – or at least the latest style from back then – and pretty blue eyes. Slender and delicate-looking, she’d looked like a stiff wind could blow her over, but she’d always been stronger than she appeared.
I’d seen that strength the first time I met her, and I’d always admired it about her. Each time we met, I’d see another piece of herself that she’d kept hidden away.
I sighed and set down the picture I kept in my desk. Cynthia knew about it, but she’d never asked who the woman was or why the picture had been there during the course of our entire marriage. My ex-wife, Rachel, hadn’t been as trusting. Heidi hadn’t been the first woman Rachel had accused me of having an affair with, and she had been far from the last.
“Why did you name him after me?” I murmured, rubbing my forehead. “You didn’t think that keeping him from knowing anything about his father, but giving him my name wouldn’t someday bitesomeonein the ass?”
Frustrated with someone I couldn’t argue with, I stood up fast enough to make myself light-headed, and I grabbed the back of the chair to steady myself. Most of the time, I rarely thought about my age, but I was really feeling it this morning. Actually, if I was going to be honest, I’d started feeling it last night when I’d gotten a visit from Heidi’s son.
Seventy-eight.
When hadthathappened?
Some days, when I woke up, I half-expected to see Dorcas sleeping next to me, and she’d been gone for nearly four decades. Not because I wished she was there. Not in a real way. I missed Dorcas, but the pain had long since faded to nostalgia and wistfulness.
I loved my current wife as much as I’d loved my first wife, but they weren’t really that much alike. I’d been a completely different person when I’d first met Dorcas than I had been when Cynthia and I first met.
I walked over to the window behind my desk. It was the first day of September, and while that might’ve signaled ‘fall’ to a lot of people, it didn’t in Houston, Texas. We’d recently had a big storm, but the sun was out today, and it promised to be as hot as ever.
“Why didn’t you reach out?” I was aware I was talking out loud to someone who wasn’t there, but since I couldn’t exactly talk to Heidi, this had to suffice. “I know I told you it wasn’t a good idea, but you could’ve done it when there was still time to say goodbye.”
I turned around at the soft knock on my office door. Cynthia smiled at me from the doorway, her light brown eyes warm. Even in her casual clothes, with her long, dark hair pulled back in a braid, she made my heart beat faster. No matter what other people thought, she wasn’t a trophy wife or a gold digger. She was just a woman who made me happy.
“You’re still thinking about him, aren’t you?” She came over to my side and took my hand. “You didn’t sleep much last night.”
“No, I didn’t,” I admitted. I kissed the top of her head. “I have to admit, with everything that’s been going on in the past couple months, I would’ve thought I was unshockable. Then JP Ives showed up at our front door.”
“It has been a strange couple of months,” she agreed. “Between Deklin’s engagement to his half-sister and you deciding to play matchmaker with a showgirl, anyone would have a headache. And that doesn’t even address all of the insanity surrounding Damon. You’re lucky you haven’t keeled over from a heart attack.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “You really do have a way with words.”
She leaned against me. “Nice to know my Masters in English from Brown is good for something.”
“Have you given any more thought to going after your doctorate?” I asked, taking a little detour in our conversational path.
“I have,” she said, giving me a knowing grin, “but this isn’t what we’re talking about.”
Dammit.
“Come on, Jude. This kid showing up out of nowhere has you rattled.”
“It does.” I sighed. “Rattled and sad. Never meeting JP was always the way this was supposed to go, but I hadn’t imagined that Heidi’s death would send him my way.”
“Do you wish you would’ve stayed in touch with her?”
I shook my head. “No. She needed a clean break.”
“It’s okay to be sad.” She squeezed his hand. “And it’s okay to want to help JP.”
“I do,” I said. “And I will. I’ll look after him and protect him as much as I do Davin, Damon, or Deklin. I owe that to Heidi.”
“You’re also doing it because you’re a good man, Jude Holden.” She kissed my cheek. “Don’t you ever forget that.”
As she left, her words echoed in my head. One of the many reasons I loved her was that she saw the man under the money and under the name. She was wise enough to know I was far from perfect, but she knew I tried my hardest to be a good man.
I just hoped everyone else would see that too.