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"Just. Really think about it, okay? Don't write the idea off. Don't write me off. Because this—all of us. It could be incredible."

And that's the problem.

I'm absolutely terrified he's right.

17

Ispend the rest of the day floating around in a dream. Jax's words replay themselves in my mind over and over, and they seem more impossible every time.

Thank God I had someplace to retreat to. The hike up the mountain to my grandmother's house was brutal and cold, but it was exactly what I needed. Now I'm sitting on the floor in her dusty dining room, sorting through her china cabinet, trying to focus on the tedious, heart-breaking work of settling her estate.

But focus is nowhere to be found.

Five men. Jax actually, honestly seems to want me to agree to a relationship withfivemen—including him.

I still don't know what the hell to do with his personal revelations. Normally, they'd be enough to have me reeling by themselves. Paired with my childhood crush, Cayden, actually being interested in me, and the soft-eyed look Adam gave me as I walked out the door, and the idea offive fucking men at the same time—I'm in total overload.

There's no way it could work. Right? Men are jealous and possessive. A bunch of reclusive soldiers penned in together in the same house, fucking the same woman,lovingthe samewoman… Because that's what Jax implied. Sex with five men would be one thing, but he was talking about a relationship. He had to have been. He was talking long term.

And there's just a whole extra can of worms. What do they expect of me? I'm on a leave of absence from my teaching job. Yeah, I've been feeling kind of useless at work recently, and having to see Richard every day sure hasn't helped. I've flirted with the idea of quitting. I could use some time away. An opportunity to reconnect with my creative side and actually make some art instead of trying to keep unruly high school students from sniffing the rubber cement they're supposed to be making boring, ugly collages with.

But am I supposed to just give up my career, mylife, to relocate to Lonely Peak full time? I've worked hard for my independence. The idea of giving it up to live in this house with these men makes my stomach churn, anxiety running just beneath my skin.

It's too risky. They don't know me. Jax and Cayden may think they do, but we haven't been close in ages. Adam and I had an easy connection, and it's not as if I haven't noticed the heat in Sergio's eyes or the casual intimacy Deandre has treated me with.

But they don'tknowme. I don't know them.

Even if I wanted to change my entire life like that, they have no reason to keep me.

My heart pangs, the old scar Richard left on it smarting like a bruise you accidentally press too hard on. I let myself get too invested in him. I gave up my time, my art.

And in the end, when I expected a commitment, he threw me away.

I know better than to write off all men after one lousy affair, but I'm gun shy now. It won't be easy for me to trust like that again.

For a moment, though, I allow myself to imagine what a relationship with five gorgeous, rough-hewn, muscular men could be like. My very first night here, I got myself off to the fantasy of them taking turns with me, fucking me one after another after another, and the idea hasn't lost its appeal.

What would that be like? My sex life has been fairly vanilla in general, and fairly nonexistent just of late. Getting naked with three different men in the space of about twenty-seven hours is definitely a new record. Could I do that every day? Just get passed from one guy to the next, getting fucked over and over?

Would I take more than one of them at once?

Heat ripples through my body, my pussy clenching and nipples tightening. Holy hell. The vivid image of being naked in a room full of sweaty, hard men overtakes me. I picture myself on all fours in their living room, one man in my pussy while another fucks my mouth. I've never done anal before, but could I fit a third? Could I ride one man while another presses in from behind, stretching me open, filling me up to the brim?

I bite my lip hard enough to draw blood. My fantasies are wrong—so wrong. But God, I want it. I want it so bad. My pussy is dripping at just the idea, and it doesn't matter that I've had more sex this week than I had last year. The idea of all those cocks invading my body, bringing me pleasure, makes me so wet. So needy.

But I have to keep my head on straight.

Getting my heart broken by one man devastated me. There'd be no coming back from having it broken by five.

Carefully, I put down the ancient gravy boat I've been dusting off for about an hour now. I drop my head into my hands for a minute and just breathe.

There's no reason to jump into this headlong, and there's no reason to be afraid of it, either, if it's something I'm actually interested in. I haven't even talked to Cayden yet. Right now,I'm working off Jax's word alone, and that's not smart. I have to slow down. My head always gets ahead of itself. Nothing that's happened over the past few days has been planned. That's worked out for me pretty okay so far. I should just keep both eyes open and…see what happens.

A dry laugh erupts from my throat. Wing it. Yeah, that sounds like a great plan.

But for the moment, it's the best one I've got.

With a sigh, I scrub my hands over my face and do my best to push my worries from my mind.