Page 42

E lizabeth came to slowly, a whispered cadence calling to her across the darkness of her mind.

Her eyes fluttered open and slowly began to process what lay beyond the dark.

It was dusk actually, and she could barely see enough to tell that she was in the master bedroom at Pemberley.

She looked toward the whisper, soft and sure like the sound of a rushing creek.

A lump formed in her throat when she heard the rumbled “amen”, followed by the sting of tears as she saw her husband’s dark head rise.

He was praying over her. Slowly, he straightened up and reached over to take her hand.

He looked up at her, overjoyed when he felt her stir.

Giving her a brilliant smile, he brushed a lock of her hair to the side. “You’re awake.” He leaned over to kiss her cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”She lay still, her eyes wandering over the features of the man before her—his hair tousled as if he’d been running his hands through it, a straight Roman nose, and shadowed, stubbly cheeks.

His collar was open—she could see his pulse beating in the notch between his collar bones.

His onyx-like eyes shone with a new spark, as if he was lit from within.

She sighed happily. “It’s good to be home. ”

He looked almost absurdly pleased. “Yes, very good indeed.” He picked up a glass of water from the nightstand. “Are you thirsty at all? The doctor said you should drink when you awoke—he thought you might be dehydrated.”

“The doctor was here?” Elizabeth rose up on her elbows, looking at him in surprise. “Whatever made you call the doctor?”

“You were unconscious, Elizabeth. I thought something was terribly wrong.”

She lay back, looking out the window at the stars just beginning to wink in the violet blue sky. “What did he say?”

“Not much, to be honest. Just that you had probably fainted, from exhaustion or mild dehydration, or both. He said he couldn’t determine that anything else was wrong, but that you must be extremely tired to be in that deep a sleep.

He asked me if you had been sleeping well.

” William looked down. “But of course, I had to say I wasn’t sure. ”

“Oh.” She pulled herself up to a sitting position. “I’ll take that water now.” He handed her the glass and she took a sip, smiling at him over the rim of the glass.

He grinned at her. “What?”

“Nothing.” She couldn’t stop smiling though.“I missed you.”

He looked down sheepishly. “I missed you too.” Standing up, he reached over and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll let you rest some more—I just wanted to make sure you were all right.”

Elizabeth scooted over and patted the bed beside her.“No, stay. I…” She wanted to tell him about her suspicions, but she wasn’t quite sure how to begin.

He sat down on the side of the bed and turned on the bedside lamp. “What is it?”

She took a deep breath.“You asked me earlier why I came to see Georgiana today.”

“Yes, I remember. You said you needed her advice.”

“I needed to ask her about…hmm, what the signs were…”

He was looking at her with a puzzled frown.

She met his gaze directly and held it, his eyes giving her the courage to finish what she had to say. “I think I might be expecting.”

“Expecting what?”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “A baby, William. A baby.”

He was stock still, staring at her as if she had just sprouted two heads. “A baby,” he whispered.

“Yes, I’ve been sick in the mornings—and so tired I could hardly move.”

“How long have you suspected?”

“Just a few days. At first, I thought I was sick or maybe only very upset…”

“I had wondered.” His eyes traveled down to her belly. “I mean, you only had your”—he gestured toward her abdomen—“monthly…you know…once since we married. And I know we’ve had plenty of opportunities to…make one.”

“I’ve never been particularly regular. But this was different—I felt different—and I wanted to ask someone who might know.”

“Georgiana.”

“Yes.”

He was staring at her intently. For the first time in a long time, she found it unnerving and looked down. “I had hoped you would be pleased, but perhaps—”

“Pleased? I’m…” Some sound between a chuckle and a sigh escaped him. “I’m over the moon about it, but, lord, Lizzy”—he shook his head—“if I get another shock today, I think my head will burst.”

“You poor darling. It has been quite a day, hasn’t it?”She brought his palm to her lips and kissed it, laying it gently against her cheek.

His hand slid down to her belly and stopped, as if trying to discern if life might be growing there. “You should have told me. I would have taken care of you. I would have insisted you come back home where I could make sure you got the best care possible.”

“I know you would.”She bit her lip, wondering how much else she should say, but in the end, wasn’t honesty the best policy? “Maybe it was selfish, but I wanted you to want me too, not just the baby.” Her expression hardened a little.“And I was angry at you, at first, and you told me to get out—”

He put his forehead against her hand in supplication. “I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it. Not that way.” He lifted his head. “Surely now you believe that I want you with me, baby or no.”

“That means so much to me, but, William, it hurt when you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth about Georgiana.”

“You didn’t tell me the truth.”

Elizabeth gave him a questioning look.

“About your money, about your family.”

There was a long silence. Elizabeth sighed suddenly and brought her hand up, wiping away the tears that were there. “You’re right, William. I was wrong to keep that from you. I should have come to you, but…”

He was rubbing those blasted circles on the back of her hand again, melting her bones with the gentle pressure of his fingers. His piercing gaze cut through to the innermost corners of her heart, where she was not rational, where she was simply…herself.

“I am a selfish creature. I’ve been told so all my life by my mother.My father indulged me with his time and his interest, and I studied very hard to please him.I was his favorite. He treated me like an adult for almost as long as I can remember, and it made me feel like I was unique.”

She smiled wistfully. “I’ve always thought that was what drew me to Maggie. She’s so much like I was at that age.”

William looked in her eyes, waiting.

“Anyway”—she went on—“when we lost our home, and my father lost his position, my qualities were no longer useful.I was one of the many poor now. Tired and disheartened, my father barely noticed me anymore. He became a shell of the man he was when he could not work at what he loved, and it grieved me to see that, but what could I do?” Another tear rolled unheeded down her cheek.

“There was nothing I could do. But I could accept my situation and make the best of it. I chose to only remember the past as it gave me pleasure and not look back with regret.”

“I’ve always admired your bravery.”

“I’m not brave. I simply had no other choice. But after we married, I began to feel sort of distinctive again. I was Mrs. Darcy of Pemberley, but even more than that, you made me feel unique and interesting. I think that’s why I began to fall in love with you.”

He smiled at her, dimples breaking through like the sun bursting through a cloud. She traced one with the forefinger of her free hand and dropped it back into her lap.

“I needed to help my family, but I guess I was embarrassed by their situation but also by their behavior. I knew how you felt about them because I was anticipating it. It certainly wasn’t the first time my mother embarrassed me, and it probably won’t be the last.I didn’t want you to regret marrying me.

So, I convinced myself that I could help them without you knowing if I went without some luxuries and raised some extra vegetables.

And then you wouldn’t think any less of me.

It was my pride that kept me from telling you.

” She looked at him sheepishly. “Silly, as my mother would tell me.”

“I don’t know what to say.I would have assisted your family, if I had known, but perhaps I wouldn’t have been particularly gracious about it.

Not for the reasons you think, but because I would have wished I could inspire that kind of love in you.

You’re precious to me. Although,” he admitted, “I haven’t been very good about saying it. ”

“If my keeping secrets from you hurt half as much as you keeping yours from me, I’m dreadfully sorry for it.

If I had one wish now, it would be that you would let me share your joys and help you carry your burdens.

A wife is supposed to be a helpmeet, after all.

How can I be one if I don’t know what needs helping?

” She thought about Mrs. Reynolds’ words: He needs you, my dear, and he doesn’t need anyone.

“You can trust me with your heart, William, and I will try to trust you with mine.”

“Can we start over? If we’re honest with each other, trust will come in time. And with a new life possibly beginning”—he carefully touched her belly—“it seems we have a very good reason to try.”

She nodded. Speech had suddenly deserted her, and now she only wanted to be as close to him as she could get. She held up the covers and tugged on his hand in invitation.

“You need to rest, my love.”

“I need you.”

She didn’t have to ask again. He took off his shoes and slid in beside her. “I can lie with you. Hold you until you go back to sleep.”

Elizabeth, however, had other ideas. She accepted his coddling for a few minutes, but then she had an overwhelming desire to feel his skin against hers.

She opened the buttons on his shirt and pressed him to her.

She drew back and pressed kisses across his neck and shoulders, then began to move toward his abdomen.

His muscles clenched in response to the pressure of her lips.

“Lizzy”—he breathed—“stop.”