Page 41

E lizabeth slowly ascended the stairs to the large front porch of Pemberley house.

The painted grey floorboards were shiny and clean; a large welcome mat graced the door stoop.

From the moment she had set foot in the house last winter, she had loved the porch, wrapped around the house to the side kitchen door.

In the warm months, William’s favorite porch swing graced the front, alongside a couple sets of rocking chairs and low tables scattered about.

Baskets of ferns and impatiens hung from hooks in the ceiling.

The house faced south, so the westerly winds blew a near-constant breeze, bolstered by the massive ceiling fan.

Elizabeth felt a warm tug on her heart for Mrs. Reynolds, who quietly kept the entire house beautiful and running like clockwork, no matter what was going on inside or out, or how badly its occupants behaved.

As if thinking of Mrs. Reynolds had summoned her, the older lady appeared at the front door.

“Mrs. Darcy?Is everything all right down at the cottage? The deputy said they were on their way.”

“Sheriff Fitzwilliam was there when I got back. The man is in custody.”

“Thank the Lord!” Mrs. Reynolds exclaimed, her hand over her heart.

“Yes.” Elizabeth cleared her throat and asked in as casual a voice as she could muster, “Has Mr. Darcy come back to the house? He was heading this way.”

“No. I haven’t seen him.”

Elizabeth shuffled her feet. “I need to talk to him. I need to apologize. Do you know where I might find him?”

“Does this mean you will be coming back home, Mrs. Darcy?”

“Yes, if he will have me.” The words came out of her mouth effortlessly.

Apparently, she had made her decision sometime between approaching Georgiana’s cottage and ascending Pemberley’s front porch steps.

No matter how William felt about her, she didn’t want to be without him, ever.

She was coming home to care for him, body and soul.

The housekeeper smiled and gently patted Elizabeth’s shoulder. “Good. He needs you, my dear—and he doesn’t need anyone. Try the hayloft in the barn. Since he was a little boy, he’s gone there when he wants to think or be alone.”

Elizabeth impulsively embraced Mrs. Reynolds and kissed her wrinkled cheek. “Thank you!” She hurried down the porch steps.

Over the rise behind the house, there was a little rolling path that led to the barn, sitting on another rising hill.She entered the barn and climbed the ladder. Her head rose above the hayloft floor.

“William?”

“Over here.”

She saw him, sitting on the loft floor, leaning back against the side of the doorway, which was open to the rolling hills below. His arm was propped up on one knee, and he held a stalk of hay between his teeth. He was so beautiful; it made her heart ache with longing.

“May I come up?”

“Of course.” He sat up straight, turning so his legs hung over the loft window edge. “I saw you coming. I was hoping you were coming to see me.” He steadied her as she approached and sat beside him.“Be careful there.”

Once seated, she reached over and took his hand. “You left Georgiana and the girls at the cottage.”

He gave her a rueful smile. “I don’t think she needs me all that much, do you?Richard seems to be doing a fine job of taking care of her.”

“Don’t sell yourself short.She does need you, and the girls do too.Maggie adores her Unca.”

He stared out over the view. “I’m ashamed of what I almost did today.

Would Maggie still adore me if I gunned down her father in front of her?

Or would it scar her for life?” His shoulders slumped.

“I thought I had everything under control. Until today I never knew myself, or what I might be capable of—I’m not sure I like what I learned. ”

“You didn’t do it, William.”

“But would I have done it if Richard hadn’t been there to stop me?”

“But he was there. You mustn’t blame yourself for wanting to protect the ones you love.”

“Fitzwilliam loves them, too—as I also discovered today. He kept control of himself.”

“You don’t have Richard’s experience with criminals or violent situations. Why would you know exactly what to do?”

“You won’t even let me wallow in my self-pity for a moment?”

She squeezed his hand. “No, I won’t.”

She went on in a more serious tone. “The girls do need you and always will but perhaps not in the same way they used to.”

“So young, yet you’re so wise.”

“I’m not so wise.”She looked away, embarrassed.

“I’m so sorry about what I said to you—about Wickham, about my family, about everything.

And for slapping you.” Her eyes welled up with tears.

“I am so very sorry for that—I’ve never hit anyone before in my life.

And then you saved Lydia from that horrible man!

How can I ever thank you adequately for what you’ve done for her? ”

“Please, don’t…”

Her heart sank. Was this when he would finally turn her out if she worked up the courage to ask him if she could come back home?

He spoke in an agitated voice. “How could I have been so wrong? About all of it—you, your family, Charles and Jane.I know now I should have explained to you about Wickham, instead of just ordering you to never speak of him. He almost stole your sister, the way he stole mine.” He shook his head.

“And Richard and Georgiana. You saw what was developing between them, but I refused to believe you.”

She started to reply, but he went on. “I know what happened there. I didn’t want to see it. I wanted the girls to stay at Pemberley. I thought that was what I was supposed to want, what I was supposed to do.”

He gazed off over the tops of the trees, deep in thought for a moment.

“I wondered, all those years ago when my fiancée died—I wondered why that happened to Anne, and to me. I tried to make some sense of it. Both my parents were gone, and I had to come home to assume my responsibilities here. I decided maybe I was supposed to take care of Pemberley and Georgiana, so I threw myself into doing those things. And then those years, when Gi was gone, and I had no one, nothing to care for, no one to love – except Mrs. Reynolds and Pemberley—I was so lonely then. It was almost unbearable. Thank goodness for Richard. He was a good friend to me during that time. He knew about loneliness and loss, and his wisdom helped me endure it. And then suddenly, Georgiana was back, and she needed me, and the girls—they were such a precious surprise, a godsend really. They gave me so much joy. Finally, I thought, this was the reason I was here, to care for them. There would be someone to carry on our name, someone to pass Pemberley to when I was gone. They were my reward for persevering, even though I would never have a wife and children of my own. And I gave up the idea of having a family.”

He stopped and gave her one of his intense looks.

“And then I met you. Somewhere in my soul I must have known that you were what I needed, because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.

But then I tried to force you into the family I had made for myself.

Gi knew it wouldn’t work that way. She was going to make her own life.

She knew what she wanted, and what I needed. ”

He shook his head and chuckled humorlessly. “I thought I had so much to offer you. I never realized that what you offered me was so much more important.”

“What?” she whispered.

“A reason. A reason to do all this.” He gestured around to the house, the fields. “And someone to help me do it, someone to share it with.”

Elizabeth felt warmth begin to spread from her heart to the rest of body. She felt out of breath, like she had when she ran home earlier.

William kept his eyes on her. “When my father was dying, he told me that in a crisis, the things that really matter become crystal clear, and the path one must take is plainly marked. I didn’t understand that for a long time.

The first time I understood was when Georgiana came home with Maggie and Ruth.

I knew, without a doubt, what I had to do, and I did it.

Nothing mattered but her and the little ones. Do you know what I mean?”

Elizabeth nodded, tears in her eyes.

Realization dawned on him. “You do know, don’t you?

It was when you lost your home last year, and when things were so bad for your family last winter.

” He looked at her incredulously as he put the pieces together.

“That’s why you said yes when I asked to marry you, isn’t it?

It was all clear to you. You knew what you had to do. ”

Her lips trembled as she told him. “I overheard my father talking to Uncle Ed. He was thinking about sending Mary or Kitty away to his aunt so he could feed the rest of us. He didn’t think we would make it through the winter.

That was about three weeks before you asked me to marry you.

”She shook her head. “It was wrong of me, William. I shouldn’t have done it. ”

He looked stricken and paused a long moment.

“Well it’s done now, isn’t it?” he said in a resigned voice.

“We thought we knew what we were about, and it all spun out of our control. Damnation, what has my selfishness cost you? A chance for happiness? A full life with a man you love? I never even considered what you might have wanted for yourself.” He withdrew his hand.

Elizabeth looked at him in confusion. What happened? What did I say? She reviewed their conversation and gasped.

“No! No, William, you don’t understand what I mean. It was wrong to accept you for the reasons I did, but…it wasn’t wrong to marry you.”

“It wasn’t?”

“I don’t think so. I-I hope not.” She looked down at her fingers, intertwined in her lap.She saw his large hand reach over and cover hers. He picked one up and brought it to his lips.Fire ignited at her hand and raced up her arm like he had lit a torch.

He held her hand to his chest. “Do you know the second time everything became crystal clear for me?”

She shook her head.

“It was today. After Georgiana and the girls were safe, I knew exactly what I must do next.Now, I just have to work up the courage to do it. It’s more important than anything else.”

“What is it?”

He took a deep breath. “I have to convince you to come home, Elizabeth. I love you, and I miss you.”

She smiled through her tears. “You do?”

He gave her a ghost of a smile, a sign that his equilibrium was returning. “How can I convince you? Get down on one knee? Show up at your door with flowers? Recite you poetry perhaps? Let’s see…” He paused. And then:

“ Come live with me and be my love, And we will all the pleasures prove… ”

She stared at him, all astonishment. Mr. Serious can recite love poetry? He saw her expression and said under his breath, “Well, in for a dime, in for a dollar…” He went on.

“ The shepherds’ swains shall dance and sing. For thy delight each May morning: If these delights thy mind may move, Then live with me and be my love.

“Now I’ve convinced you, surely…” A slightly anxious smile turned his lips.

She recovered a little from her surprise and tried unsuccessfully to suppress a giggle. Encouraged by her smile, he went on teasing her gently. “You laugh? But I had always considered poetry to be the food of love.”

She took a deep breath and arched her eyebrow at him in a mischievous manner.“It might be, for a stout, healthy love. Everything nourishes what is strong already. But if it is only a slight infatuation, I am convinced that one good sonnet will destroy it for good.”

Elizabeth brought their hands to her lips and kissed his knuckles, each in turn. “How fortunate for you, then”—her voice turned tender and affectionate—“that I love you so much already.”

His eyes darkened; his expression grew serious. “Did my letter make you think any better of me? I’m afraid that when I wrote it, I was still angry. I might have sounded a little bitter.”

“Perhaps a little at the beginning, but it did make me see you in a different light and appreciate you more.”She held his hand against her cheek.

“Lizzy,” he whispered. He leaned over and kissed her tenderly on the mouth. “Can it be so easy?”

“You call all of this easy?” She shook her head in amazement.

“No, I guess not.” He stood up and held out his hand to her. “Come with me.”

She took the offered hand willingly, realizing that he would probably always express himself in words that sounded like commands. He was after all, his own man, the master of all he surveyed.

“Where are we going?” she asked.

“Home.”

Elizabeth’s face lit up in a jubilant smile. They climbed down from the hayloft and ambled, hand in hand, toward the house.

“There’s one thing I meant to ask you though.”

She nodded at him in encouragement. “Yes?”

“What brought you to Georgiana’s today? I mean, I’m forever grateful to whatever power took you there, but—”

She faltered; in all the excitement, she had temporarily forgotten why she had come to see her sister-in-law in the first place. “I needed her advice.”

“About what?”

Elizabeth felt the blood drain from her face.

A strange dizziness crept over her, whether from the heat, or the intensity of the last few hours, or uncertainty about how he would receive her news, she wasn’t sure.

“I’ll tell you, but do you think we could get something cold to drink first?

I’m not feeling too well, all of a sudden. ”

“Of course. That was thoughtless of me—you’ve been through quite an ordeal today.” He put an arm around her, and she leaned into him, grateful for the assistance. She took a deep breath, relaxation diffusing over her entire body. She stumbled.

“Lizzy, are you all right?”

She looked up at him; his dark eyes were filled with concern.

She tried to smile and reassure him, but nothing came out.

The edges of her vision grew dark and he seemed to recede from view before blackness overtook her.

She heard him shouting something unintelligible and felt herself being swept up, and then all light and sound went out and she felt nothing at all.