Page 45 of Zomromcom

Max raised a hand. “Seconded. The motion passes!” As he lowered his arm, he studied his palm. “Wow. Hands. They do a lot, huh?”

“Yours certainly do!” Edie tried to wink, but it felt more like a whole-face scrunch. “I’m talking about sex stuff, by the way.”

As one, the Girl Explorers all straightened and scooted a little closer.

“Yeah, you are,” he said, and they high-fived before he suddenly frowned and angled himself toward Sabrina. “Wait a minute. Witch, I feel—”

“Don’t worry, Max.” Their host offered him a toothy smile. “You’re fine. Everyone’s fine.”

“That’s so cool. Not the murdery part, the glamour part.

You’re lucky you can disguise yourselves like that.

” From where he hung half off the love seat beside his cousin, Kip pointed at Riley.

“Lorrie and I can’t. Glamours just aren’t a troll thing.

That’s why we had to hide in the woods for so long, until stupid common humans—” He looked apologetically at Edie.

“Sorry. Until certain stupid common humans encroached on our territory, found our cabins and cottages, and forced us out in the open.”

“No worries.” Edie tipped her head in consideration. “You don’t live among the tree roots, then?”

Kip snorted. “We live in a condo, bro.”

“That’s awesome!” No wonder their clothing looked so clean!

“It has a heated pool out back,” he announced proudly. “Booyah!”

“Dumbass Kip’s forgetting the Battle for Containment.

Our”—Lorraine hiccupped ear-splittingly—“honor as trolls compelled us to fight for the protection of innocents. That’s the main reason we went public when we did.

But it probably would have happened sooner or later anyway because of the whole stupid-common-humans-and-diminishing-territory thing. ”

Kip’s head lolled on his neck, and he smiled at the ceiling. “We fought for our own survival too, obvs. Those scary-ass zombies can’t reach our brains when we’re standing, but they can sure as hells force us down on the ground and kill us there .”

“Yikes. I can’t even imagine how many trolls must have died in that battle.” Edie cringed. “I mean, given how…you know…physical things aren’t really your…”

Using gestures, she did her best to mime their disastrous lack of agility and grace. Her elbow whacked Max in the head, and he grunted but accepted her sincere apologies.

“Yeah. About that.” Lorraine clapped a hand over her mouth, chortling. “We’re not actually klutzes. All those people we kill through our”—she crooked the index and middle fingers of both hands—“ clumsiness ? Pretty much all of them are our—”

“ Eeeeeen-e-miiiiies ,” Kip sang out. “If we hurt you, it’s no accident. Generally. We all have our off moments, am I right?”

“Wait.” Max’s brow creased again. “Earlier. When you said hello and hit me so hard in the shoulder, did that mean you…”

Lorraine spread her hands and grinned at him. “Vamps, bro. You’re basically all dicks.”

“He’s not a dick! Not really.” Edie’s brief spurt of outrage faded, and she began giggling. “But—oh my gods and goddesses, his actual dick is amazing . You would not even believe—” A thought occurred to her, and she gasped. “Hold on. All this time, you’ve been trolling us?”

Trolls. Trolling. Like trolls would. Ha! So clever!

“It’s not exactly subtle. I mean, it’s in our actual name , right?” Lorraine’s eyes danced with mirth. “As a species, we’re kind of incredulous no one has caught on before now, Edie-my-love. Edes. Edes-a-lot. Beware the Edes of March!”

“Also, we know we come across a little dim at times, but…” Kip swayed forward and raised an authoritative finger. “That’s on purpose too. Do you know which Supernatural species has never been trapped in a fae bargain? This one, bitches! Woot-woot!”

When he and Lorraine leapt to their feet and chest-bumped each other, the chandelier swayed at the impact.

“So don’t worry about us, Sabby,” Lorraine told Sabrina, sitting back down. “We’ll kill those freaking zombies. Lots of them. Lots and lots and lots!”

Something about that punctured Edie’s happy bubble, and she found herself frowning.

Leaning to the side, she burrowed against Max. “I’ll kill as many as I can. Don’t get me wrong. But…am I the only one who doesn’t feel great about…like, luring them to their deaths, when they aren’t actually trying to murder us first?”

“Oh, my softhearted Edie.” He pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. “Yes, darling. You’re the only one. The rest of us want to kill those fuckers. Super dead.”

Lorraine patted her head fondly. “They’d slurp our brains, bro.”

“Everyone else’s brains too,” Sabrina pointed out. “Without hesitation or remorse.”

“I get that, but don’t you wonder about their…

their humanity ?” Before everyone opening their mouths could protest, Edie raised a hand.

“I know they’re not human. They are sentient beings, though.

Sentient and intelligent enough to…and maybe I’m hallucinating this part…

speak a little bit of…French, possibly?”

“Huh.” Kip scratched his chin. “I thought I’d imagined that. Because it was beyond freaky to hear a zombie say bonjour when it spotted me.”

Starla spoke from the mattress Kip had carried downstairs and arranged on the living room floor. “I’ve wondered too, Edie. When the pack passed within sight of our house two days ago, I even tried to read their minds to gauge how sophisticated their thinking actually is.”

“ Star . You didn’t tell me you did that.” Sabrina’s hands settled on her hips as she stared down at her wife. “No wonder you were so tired that day. You overexerted yourself, sweetheart.”

Fascinated, Edie leaned forward on the couch. “How much were you able to read, Starla?”

“Not a lot, frankly.” The telepath’s lips compressed. “Usually, with complete strangers located at that distance, I wouldn’t be able to get everything, but I would sense quite a bit. The thoughts at the forefront of their minds would be clear to me. With the zombies, though…”

All other conversations had ceased. Everyone was listening to the telepath now.

“I got next to nothing.” When she shook her head, Starla’s smooth scalp gleamed in the firelight. “Their minds aren’t…whole, Edie. It’s all hunger. Terrible, insatiable hunger. Except…”

“Except?” Max prompted.

“One of them had faint, staticky thoughts about…maps, I think? Maps and, um”—her brow crinkled—“ mimes , oddly enough. And I caught a momentary flash of the interior of the compound. The creatures were all standing in front of a television, and a minder in a uniform turned it on for them before leaving.”

Sabrina’s expression turned contemplative. “The zombie was recalling things from before the Battle for Containment, then. Before that final serum. When they were…” She bit her lip for a moment. “Different. Less…mindless.”

Maps. Mimes. Television. Bon appétit . Bonjour . Magnifique .

There was only one possible explanation that encompassed everything, and Edie was the godsdamn genius who’d found that explanation. This truly was the awesomest evening ever .

Edie thrust her hand in the air and waved it with all the enthusiasm of a teacher’s pet in the classroom’s front row. “Starla, the part involving mimes. Was it something like ‘Mimer, no miming’?”

“Maybe.” The telepath thought for a few seconds. “Yes. I think that could be it.”

“Then I know what’s happening with all the French!” Edie shouted delightedly. “Their guards must have let them watch Enora the Explorer sometimes! Before the scientists tinkered with things once too often and everyone got murdered horribly!”

Slowly, the entire living room full of people turned to look at her.

“ Enora the Explorer ? The children’s television show?” Kip appeared dubious. “The one where they try to teach kids French?”

Kip could doubt all he wanted, but she was ten million percent sure she’d solved this particular puzzle. Suck on that, troll-boy!

“When I was fourteen, our neighbor was a single mom, and I babysat her kids. They were allowed to watch two episodes of Enora the Explorer every night,” Edie informed him. “Anyway, the show had an anthropomorphized map and a malicious, troublemaking mime and—”

“Whoa. I always suspected mimes were dicks.” Lorraine blinked at Edie, then turned to Max. “Hey! Are you a mime, bro?”

“That’s…very odd and somewhat interesting, I suppose,” Sabrina cut in, “but also of limited relevance. Let’s talk about—”

“Did you ever babysit an actual baby, Edie?” Gwen, who’d been sitting slumped in her armchair all evening, suddenly perked up. “What did—”

“Good gods, this is like herding kittens.” Sabrina rubbed her forehead. “Again, we’re veering off topic. Before time runs out, I need to ask Max about—”

“The passage of time feels different when you’re my age, witch.” Max idly scratched the growing stubble on his cheek. “I mean, I’ve been around since—”

“Hey. Wait just a freaking minute, Sabby.” The oracle’s chin sat at a stubborn angle. “Babies are not off topic. I need to know about them, okay? The sooner the better.”

“Oh.” Starla’s eyes went wide. “ Oh .”

Edie tugged on Max’s sleeve until he lowered his head and she could whisper in his ear.

“Does Gwen want to start babysitting too? Like, for extra cash? Because I could give her tips if she’d like.

Tip number one: Put something over a baby’s penis when you change his diaper, because he can and will urinate directly into your face.

Like a cherub in a really gross fountain! ”

“No,” he said slowly. “I think maybe—”

“I told you I threw up after prophesizing because the upcoming battle made me anxious, but I was a lying liar-pants who lies lyingly.” Gwen got to her feet and drew herself up straight.

“I wasn’t anxious. Well, I was. I am. But I am also pregnant AF.

Or as I prefer to call it, preggers . Because that sounds like more fun than being pregnant, am I right? ”

Edie considered the matter, then nodded in agreement.

Sabrina’s voice was shrill. “You’re pregnant ?”

“Yep.” Gwen swirled a hand in front of her belly. “Eating for two. Knocked up. My oven has hereby been bunned.”

Kip’s brow crinkled. “Someone brought buns? Are they fresh-baked?”

“No, Kip. Gods.” Gwen’s eyes flicked heavenward.

“Anyway, now you know. Also, I have no idea how to fight. Like, at all. So my bun and the entire kitchen setup surrounding its oven will probably get slaughtered two point three seconds after the mano a mano—woman-o a zombie-o?—part of our plan begins. Just FYI.”

The hazy blue of Max’s eyes had sharpened. “We’ll teach you some self-defense moves tomorrow. And since you’re not comfortable fighting, we’ll keep you out of the actual physical battle as long as we can. That’s a promise, little oracle.”

“Agreed,” Kip, Lorraine, and Edie said in unison.

Gwen grinned, relief evident in her expression. “Oh. Thank you. I appreciate that.”

With a thump, she dropped back into her armchair.

“Gods and goddesses.” Sabrina’s palms scrubbed over her face. “Why didn’t you tell me, Gwen? I’d never have…”

The witch trailed off, her chest rising and falling on a deep sigh.

“I said this wasn’t a great idea, Sabby.” Starla shook her head. “Did you use anything that could harm either of them?”

“No.” Her hands dropped to her sides. “I’m almost entirely sure.”

“What are you two talking about?” Riley asked, her dark eyebrows gathering into a single line. “What’s going on?”

Murmurs of agreement and confusion rose from the room at large.

“I’ll explain shortly. But first…” Sabrina eyed the Girl Explorers on her living room floor. “Riley, I need you and the rest of the troop to give us a few minutes of privacy.”

Despite identical disgruntled expressions, the girls shuffled out of the room. As soon as they shut themselves into the main bedroom, Sabrina swiveled toward the sofa.

“Now, Gaston Maxime Boucher, I have a question for you,” she said.

“I thought you might.” Max’s body seemed stiffer against Edie’s now, his posture more upright. “Ask away, witch.”

“My mother’s college roommate was Jacquette Mounier.” Sabrina laid heavy emphasis on the name, as if he ought to recognize it.

Since he didn’t ask for clarification, evidently he did. “That wasn’t a question.”

The unexpected intensity of the confrontation had silenced everyone else in the room. Wherever this was going…it wouldn’t be pleasant. Edie knew that much already, and so did Gwen, Starla, Kip, and Lorraine.

The telepath was casting a worried glance upward at her wife from the mattress on the floor while the oracle shrank back in her chair.

The troll cousins, in contrast, had scooted forward, until they were sitting on the edge of their love seat cushions.

They were watching the tense conversation like a tennis match, their heads swinging in tandem toward each speaker, their expressions avid.

If they could have purchased a bucket of popcorn to share, Edie was certain they would’ve already done so. Several buckets, in fact.

And beside her, Max had gone so still and tense she might have been cuddling a concrete pillar.

His hand cupping her shoulder squeezed tighter, until she could feel each individual fingertip pressing into her flesh.

Then, with a detached-sounding apology, he let her go entirely and dropped his arm to his side.

“Jacquette Mounier, your longtime lover,” the witch elaborated, dragging out the words syllable by syllable.

“The Enhanced human you fucked and fed from for over a decade. The woman last seen disappearing into your luxury DC condo shortly after the Battle for Containment, never to return. Mom told me all about her. Even years after they graduated, they stayed in touch.”

At that, Edie twitched. He spared her a quick glance, his mouth thinning, before turning back to their host.

“Again.” He sounded bored. “Still waiting for a question.”

Sabrina’s eyes were cold and dark as they studied him. “Did you kill her?”

“Yes,” Max said without hesitation.