Page 47 of Wristlocked

She’s sitting up in bed, her arms hugging her bare knees, wearing an oversized T-shirt—my shirt—with moonlight in her hair and starless eyes. I strip myself bare beneath her silent gaze and crawl up beside her.

“You came back.”

“I think I’ll always come back.” My hand is trembling as I thread my fingers into hers. She lies back, tugging me gently down to face her, her knees brushing against mine. For a long moment, we stare at each other, until the steady wash of her breath calms my frantic heart.

“Did you really fuck all those guys just to practice for me?”

“No. Yes.” I shrug the shoulder I’m not lying on. “Maybe a little. I like fucking guys.”

“More than me?”

“Not more than you. Nothing is ever more than you, Gia.”

“Is that why it hurt so much? To feel like I chose him over you?”

“You did choose him.”

“But notover you. At least, I never wanted to.”

“Yeah, well I guess we both learned we don’t always get what we want.”

“But we’re supposed to. We’re Lyot and Gia. Unstoppable.”

“It won’t work, Gia.” I trace the curve of her jaw with my finger, unable to keep from touching her even as I shake my head. “You were right before when you said I could never enjoy hurting you.”

“Mmm. You did a pretty good job tonight.”

“Christ, Gia. Do you even understand how fucking livid I was? I couldn’t do that every day, every time.” I push myself up and run my hands into my hair, unable to look at her.

“I don’t want it every time.” She sits up too, reaching out to rest her fingers on my bicep. “I love the way you fuck me, Lyot. I don’t want that to change.”

“And I’m supposed to live with knowing you’ll never be totally satisfied being with me?” I turn my head to give her an incredulous look.

“We’ve never been exclusive before. We’ve always shared.”

“No. I can’t go back to being friends who fuck, Gia. I meant it when I said you broke us.” The tension spools between us, and she draws a fragile breath.

“Because ‘friends’ was never what you wanted in the first place, was it?”

“What are you talking about? I’ve always been your friend.”

“Are you in love with me, Lyot?”

I can’t breathe.

“Fuck. You.” She can’t be asking me this. Not now, while my knuckles are still stinging from their collision with Shepard’s teeth.

“Are you?”

“Don’t start with the fucking voice, Gia.”

“Fine.” She pushes away from me and climbs out of bed with an exasperated huff. “But then you’re not actually pissed that I chose to fuck Gale. You never cared who I fucked before. And you certainly never cared who elseyoufucked.” She pauses, waiting for me to confess, but I only stare back at her, clinging to the shreds of my pride.

“You’re pissed because I betrayedKetterdam.” She’s on a roll now, her voice rising and her hands like pale birds in the blue darkness. “You’re pissed because I revealed something intimate about us to a stranger and then let you walk away. You’re pissed that I still chose to do the act without you. All those reasons are more than valid, and as my friend, as mybestfriend, they give you every right to walk away and never forgive me.” She stops, chest heaving, and leans back toward me with her fists on the bed.

“But why are you so pissed that I let him fuck my ass? It’s thefirst thingyou said when you stormed in here. Everything else happened weeks ago, and I’ve had nothing but the silent treatment from you, but this? This brings you in here like an avenging god? That’s not a friend issue, Lyot. If all we are is friends who fuck, why does it matter if I gave him a first?”

“I don’tknow.”