Page 43 of Wolf Caged (Bound to the Shadow King #1)

SAPHIRA

I t wasn’t the bird song that woke me. It was the warmth that flowed through my limbs, warmth that I floated on, luxuriating in the divine perfection of the feeling of weightlessness and peace.

I stretched my arms out, sinking into it, feeling more relaxed than I had ever done and unwilling to question what had caused it.

Until I edged my right leg out further and that calm warmth was joined by a touch of soreness between my thighs.

I bolted upright in bed.

“Oh my gods.”

Humiliation and horror combined to have me curling into a ball, burying my face in my knees as I hugged them to my chest.

“Oh my gods,” I groaned into the black covers.

The tattered black covers.

I groaned again, willing the earth of Lucia to open up and swallow me, because I wasn’t sure I could face what I had done.

I certainly couldn’t face Kaeleron.

I rolled onto my side, pulling the shredded covers over my head, trying to shut out the still-far-too-hot replay of him holding my gaze as he feasted between my thighs. Oh my gods. What had I done?

What had felt good. Right. That’s what I had done.

I had surrendered to my instincts as Kaeleron had told me to, had released the hold I’d had on all my needs and wants, pushing through my inhibitions and unleashing a side of me I had never known existed.

A carnal, wicked side.

A side that wasn’t afraid to do what I wanted, to take what I wanted.

And it had felt freeing.

Wonderful, in fact.

But that didn’t mean I was going to parade around the castle like a peacock, my chin held high and not a care in the world. I was going to do what old Saphira wanted me to do.

I was going to avoid the heck out of Kaeleron and pretend last night hadn’t happened.

That a powerful dark fae king hadn’t been the one to give me not only my first orgasm.

But my first ten .

All in one night.

I groaned into the covers, “Oh my gods.”

Not only that, but I had begged him to take me. I had offered up my body on a platter to him.

And he had turned me down.

Both my wolf and my human side flinched at that, his rejection lodged in the two halves of our shared soul like a dagger.

He had paid handsomely for my virginity, and when I had thought he would claim what he had bought, he had looked so hard and so cold, so very distant from me, as if he hadn’t really been there with me.

And had told me ‘no’.

Not once, but twice.

I cringed as I recalled what I had said to him to earn that second refusal. I had asked him to find me a male who would fuck me.

“Kill me now,” I muttered into the covers, burrowing deeper into them. “I’m such a fool.”

I should have seen it last night when he had come to me and taken responsibility for my situation, and had told me he would take care of my needs.

He had been distant when he had rejected me because he had been going through the motions, pleasuring me to ease the burden of the responsibility he felt, not because he wanted me.

And I was a fool because in that moment I had wanted him.

Still wanted him.

I sank into the maelstrom of my emotions, overwhelmed by them as one after another clues revealed themselves to me, things I had missed last night while lost to lust.

Like the fact he hadn’t taken any pleasure for himself, had only focused on me.

And that he hadn’t been here when I had awoken, and I couldn’t scent him on the pillows, so he hadn’t stayed for even a moment.

How badly had he wanted to leave the whole time he was with me?

How quickly had he escaped after ordering me to rest once my fever had broken thanks to his skilful mouth and fingers?

“Oh gods. I’m a blind idiot.” I rolled onto my front, tucked into a ball still, wrapped in the blankets like a shifter burrito.

Had he returned to the celebrations after he had dealt with me out of a sense of duty, seeking himself a better, more beautiful female to satisfy his needs? Had he indulged like the other males the moment he hadn’t felt a need to watch over me?

I banged my head against the mattress, groaning and silently beseeching the land to really open up and swallow me, or transport me far away from this castle and its king.

And then I shoved up onto my hands and knees, refusing to let another male break me, to let the pleasure I had felt last night become pain that tormented me.

I had done nothing wrong. I had been vulnerable, in pain, desperately in need of a male to break my heat.

Many female wolves had been in the same position as I had and they hadn’t let it beat them.

I wouldn’t either.

Several females at my pack hadn’t found their mate yet, and whenever their heat hit them, they had their pick of the single males, all of them more than happy to service their needs and help them through their heat.

No feelings were involved in the nights they spent together, sating the demands of the mating frenzy.

Sometimes females took a different male each night, and when the heat had broken, things all went back to normal.

No messy emotions. No thinking they had a right to the other or were now a couple.

If I had been back at my pack, all of them would have stepped up to help me.

Kaeleron had done just that.

And I could be like any female at my pack and accept that his help had been needed, and I was grateful for it, but now it was done. That moment between us, we had been different people.

Now things would return to normal.

No messy emotions.

I shuffled to the edge of the bed and padded barefoot to the windows, flinging the shutters and then the windows open, letting light and a warm sea breeze into my stuffy room. No messy emotions. Kaeleron had done me a service. That was all.

It didn’t mean anything.

“I shall go for a walk,” I announced to no one in particular, needing to say it aloud to give myself the courage to do it. “If I run into him, things will be normal and not at all awkward.”

I was getting very good at lying to myself these days.

Determined to make the most of the day and not hide away in my room as he probably expected, I bathed and did my best not to think about him as my hands glided over my bare curves.

I jumped from the bath earlier than I had wanted when he refused to leave my mind and dried off and then dressed in my leather pants, riding boots and a dark blue blouse, and paired it with an under-bust corset that had been delivered to my room with the new blouse.

I imagined it was a gift from Jenavyr rather than Kaeleron, since I had admired the one she wore.

It laced at the front and I cinched it tightly as I looked at my reflection in the mirror, making sure I could still breathe but that it showed off my curves too.

For no reason in particular.

There was no one in this castle I needed to impress, or wanted to catch their eye.

I braided my silver hair in a long rope that hung down my back and added a little kohl around my eyes, liking the look of it now.

I had never been one for make-up, had only bothered with it on special occasions, but now I preferred how my eyes looked with a smudge of darkness around them. It brightened the blue of my eyes.

There.

I looked quite pretty.

And not at all like a female a male might jilt.

I forced my chin up as I stepped from my room and headed downstairs, noting the absence of guards. Freedom . It put a spring in my step as I took the sweeping marble stairs two at a time, bounding down them, and broke out into the warmth and light of the garden.

The scent of the blooms blended with the salt of the ocean, a delectable perfume that I breathed deep of as I meandered around the garden, picking paths that no one occupied.

Not because I was trying to avoid someone.

I just needed a little me time. That was the reason I kept my gaze on the flowers and insects too, tracked a bird that flitted across my path and up into one of the trees. I wanted to be alone today.

A perfectly reasonable thing to want.

All perfectly normal.

My senses reached around me, charting the position of all the fae, from the highborn that lingered in the shadows of heavily foliaged arbours, whispering among themselves, to the gardeners that worked hard to deadhead the flowers and keep them looking beautiful. Not to avoid them.

Well, maybe a little to avoid them because I didn’t want to run into Elanaluvyr and her clique.

My step faltered.

Had she sought out Kaeleron again when he had return to the feast alone?

Had he accepted her advances?

I shook my head. I didn’t care. It meant nothing to me if he had sought her out and they had been together. What we had done had been purely physical, a release I had needed, and an end to my suffering. I could be practical about this, just like any other wolf female of mating age.

Yet I found myself sneaking down unoccupied paths and steering clear of everyone else in the garden and not really enjoying my walk as my mood slowly darkened, my thoughts returning to how Kaeleron had looked when he had rejected me.

“Maybe I should head back,” I murmured.

My ears twitched.

“Did you hear about the king’s unplanned absence from court today?” a female whispered and I peered through the bush of bright violet flowers to my left, trying to see her.

Her male companion chuckled. “No doubt he is sleeping off the festivities. The rite was rather energetic this year.”

“I barely had the strength to leave bed this morning. Had I not been sharing it with a common guard, I might have lingered.” The distaste in her tone made me wonder why she had slept with a guard at all if she was going to hate what she had done afterwards.

Forbidden fruit, I supposed.

What happened at the rite, stayed at the rite.

I had seen many males and females I had recognised as highborn there, cavorting with servants and guards, seeming to enjoy having a taste of them. Slumming it apparently had appeal in the fae world as well as my one.

“Normally the king is present for court the next day though,” she said, her tone thoughtful.

They drifted off together, leaving me standing there, an answer for his unusual absence ringing in my mind.

He was avoiding me.

Embarrassment crept up on me, slipping past my rigid defences, and I barely leashed the desire to bury my head in my hands and hide.

Instead of running back to my room with my tail tucked between my legs, I forced myself to walk to my second favourite spot in the garden—a beautiful white wooden circular gazebo that had blood red vines growing up the ornately carved posts, their white blossoms hanging like grapes across the arches.

It had a seat beneath it that faced the edge of the garden and the stunning view of the sea and the mountains, and from it I could watch the boats coming and going from the sheltered harbour of the town below. That would occupy my mind for a while, might even shift my thoughts away from Kaeleron.

Only when I reached it, a male was sitting there.