Page 73 of Winning You

LUCAS

He had a date.He was going on a date. He, Lucas, was going to be picked up and taken out in public and maybe even kissed at his doorstep. He’d probably also get railed later that night because he was most definitely going to invite Frankie in when they were done.

But this felt important.

It felt like a big step. And Frankie had all but said that he wanted this to be more than just two guys living near each other who had sex at night after all their responsibilities had been put to bed. Lucas couldn’t lie and say he didn’t want it, but he was still scared.

Change was hard, no matter how good it could be. And he knew that as much as Frankie went out of his way to understand what Lucas’s life was like—for real, not just stumbling around in the dark for a few minutes—he would never get the level of trust Lucas was forced to put in other people.

He would never understand the quiet fear he lived in, even with the people he did trust the most. Or how exhausting that all was.

He’d built himself a careful bubble of people he knew wouldn’t betray him, even if they thought it was for his owngood. Did he have the energy to expand that? He knew that Frankie’s brother had made gestures and faces, knowing Lucas couldn’t see it. He was well versed in being able to tell when someone was mouthing something they didn’t want him to know.

Sighted people were often unaware of the little sounds they made because they faded into the background while they were watching things.

But Lucas heard them all.

He had no idea if Frankie had corrected his brother, or if he even understood how fucked that was.

And yet, every time he waffled toward the line of not wanting to be with Frankie, he felt a deep, dark, ugly pit in his stomach. It was the worst grief and loss, and it wasn’t even real. He wasn’t sure he was strong enough to go forward, but he damn well knew he didn’t want to let go.

“Hello? Are you, like, deaf or something?”

“That’s a really shitty thing to say,” Lucas said, leaning on the counter next to his register. “What if I were deaf?”

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for, like, five minutes.”

That was absolutely not possible. Lucas was in his head, but not for that long. “Okay?”

“I was waving right in your face.”

He burst into laughter. “If I was deaf, I would have seen that. But I’m not. I’m blind.”

“Oh my god. Like…for real?”

He flicked his prosthetics, and he heard her recoil and suck in a breath. “Gross.”

Something ugly twisted in his stomach. “Okay, well. If that’s all?—”

“How do you even drive this thing?”

“I have a super-long cane,” he said. He was done with bullshit. He still had half an hour to go before he could closeup, but he was ready now. “I stick it out the window. The cops go easy on me when I run people over because, you know, I’m disabled.”

“Are you being serious?”

“Of course I am,” he said flatly. “You know the ADA, right? The disabilities act prevents discrimination. Just because I’m blind doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to drive. And frankly, if people don’t want to get hit by blind drivers, they shouldn’t be on the sidewalks.”

“That is so fucked-up!”

Lucas snorted. “What’s fucked-up is that you believe me.”

“I…what?”

“I don’t fucking drive. I can’t see. I have no eyes. And blind or not, I would be in jail if I did drive and I ran people over. I just stand here and cook food, okay? So do you want something, or?—”

“How do you know when it’s done if you can’t see it?”

“I take a giant bite out of it, and if it tastes done, I serve it.”