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thirteen

He didn’t let her tie him up again. Which was a shame. She’d liked having him under her and at her complete mercy…

But she also liked him over her, pounding into her, with her legs locked around his hips as he growled dirty things in her ear. And behind her, drilling so deep that she saw stars with every thrust.

She never got tired of it, tired of him.

When they first started sleeping together last summer, she’d foolishly thought she’d fuck him right out of her system and go back to hating him. But every time they were together, the line between love and hate blurred until she couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began.

It was maddening and addictive all at once.

Now she lay sprawled across his chest, both of them panting and slick with sweat. His heart thundered beneath her cheek, matching the frantic rhythm of her own. She should move, should put some distance between them before the vulnerability of the moment consumed her. But his arms were locked around her waist, holding her close, and she found herself sinking deeper into his embrace.

“Fuck,” he breathed, his voice rough. “That was...”

“Yeah,” she agreed, unable to form a more coherent response. Her body hummed with the lingering pleasure of orgasm number… she didn’t even know.

She felt his fingers tracing idle patterns along her spine, and a shiver ran through her. It was too tender, too intimate.

And, God help her, she loved it.

She loved him so much it hurt.

And she was so fucking afraid of losing him.

Her throat closed up, and she squeezed her eyes shut against the sudden sting of tears as she tightened her arms around him.

“Hey,” Davey murmured, his hand coming up to cup the back of her head. “You okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

She shook her head against his chest, not trusting her voice. His fingers tangled in her hair, gently massaging her scalp, and she had to bite back a whimper. Why did he have to be so damn gentle with her?

“Rowan.” His voice was soft, concerned. “Talk to me. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

She took a shaky breath, trying to steady herself. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

His hand stilled in her hair. “You’re trembling.”

Rowan cursed inwardly. Of course he’d notice. Davey noticed everything about her, always had. It was part of what made him so infuriatingly irresistible.

“I’m just... overwhelmed,” she admitted, the words barely above a whisper.

Davey shifted, rolling them onto their sides so he could look into her eyes. His piercing blue gaze searched her face, and she felt exposed in a way that had nothing to do with their nakedness.

His thumb brushed lightly back and forth over the curve of her cheekbone. “Overwhelmed by what?”

“You.” She caught his hand and pressed it to her cheek. “This. Us… loving each other like a real couple.”

Davey’s eyes softened, a mix of understanding and tenderness that made Rowan’s chest ache. “Hey,” he said softly, “we are a real couple. Pretty sure we have been from the beginning.”

“No.” The denial was automatic, and his lips twitched into a smirk.

“Well, I haven’t seen any other women since we got together last summer.”

She scowled at him. “You better not have. I’ll go get that knife from the kitchen and finish what I started earlier.” To emphasize her point, she dropped a hand between his legs and cupped his balls, giving them a squeeze she knew would border on painful.

Davey’s breath hitched, but his smirk only widened. “Easy there, killer. I’m rather attached to those.” He rolled suddenly, pinning her underneath him as his cock hardened against her hand. “And so are you.”

“Oh my God, you can’t possibly be ready for round four.”

“Wanna bet?”

He captured her lips in a searing kiss, stealing her breath and any remaining coherent thoughts. His tongue swept into her mouth, demanding and possessive, as his hips ground against hers. Rowan moaned, arching into him, her body responding instantly despite her exhaustion.

“Fuck,” she gasped when he finally released her lips to trail hot, open-mouthed kisses down her neck. “You’re insatiable.”

“Only for you.” He nipped at her collarbone.

His words sent a shiver of pleasure through her, but also a pang of fear. This was exactly what she’d been afraid of—getting in too deep, becoming too dependent on him. And yet, she couldn’t bring herself to push him away.

His hand slid between her thighs, fingers finding her still-slick folds. She arched into his touch, her body oversensitive but craving more. He teased just enough to have her panting, but then pulled back. “Have you been with any other men since we got together?”

Rowan’s breath caught in her throat. She knew the answer, but admitting it felt like surrendering the last shred of her defenses. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to lie to him.

“No,” she whispered, averting her gaze. “There’s been no one else.”

Relief and triumph flashed in his eyes before he claimed her mouth in another searing kiss. His fingers resumed their teasing strokes between her thighs as he ground his hardening length against her hip.

“Good,” he growled against her lips. “Because you’re mine, Hellcat. All mine.”

A shiver ran through her at his possessive tone. Part of her wanted to bristle at being claimed, to assert her independence. But a larger part thrilled at belonging to him, at having him belong to her in return.

“And you’re mine,” Rowan breathed, surprising herself with the fierce possessiveness in her voice. She tangled her fingers in his hair, pulling him closer as she nipped at his lower lip. “All mine.”

“Damn right I am.” He shifted, positioning himself between her thighs, the thick head of his cock pressing against her entrance.

Her breath caught in anticipation, her body already aching for him again.

But then he paused, his gaze softening as he looked down at her. “I love you, Rowan,” he murmured, his voice rough with emotion. “I’ve never said that to another woman. So, this?” He sank into her, making them both groan, but then withdrew until they were barely connected. “Us?” Again, he thrust and withdrew. “It’s as fucking real as it gets.”

She swallowed hard, fighting against the surge of emotion threatening to overwhelm her. “Is it? Because I don’t know how to do this, Davey. I don’t know how to be... normal.”

He chuckled, the sound low and warm as he continued that torturously slow pace. “Normal? Hellcat, we’re anything but normal. And that’s okay. We don’t have to fit anyone else’s definition of a couple. We just have to figure out what works for us.”

She wanted to believe him, to trust that they could make this work. But fear lingered, a dark shadow at the edges of her mind.

“And what if we can’t figure it out?” she whispered, hating how vulnerable she sounded. “What if we’re too broken, too fucked up?”

Davey’s eyes blazed with intensity as he gazed down at her. “Then we’ll be fucked up together. I’m not letting you go, Rowan. Not now, not ever.”

He punctuated his words with a deep, slow thrust that made her gasp. Her body arched into his, craving more.

“Davey,” she breathed, her voice catching. She wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him closer. “Please.”

He understood without her having to elaborate. With a low groan, he buried himself inside her, filling her completely. She gasped, arching beneath him as pleasure ricocheted through her oversensitive body.

Their movements were slower this time, more deliberate. Each thrust felt like a promise, each caress an unspoken vow. Davey’s eyes never left hers, and the intensity of his gaze made her feel simultaneously exposed and cherished.

Her fingers dug into his shoulders as he rocked into her, her body trembling with each deep thrust. The slow, deliberate pace was exquisite torture, building her pleasure gradually but inexorably. She could feel every inch of him, every ridge and vein of his cock as it slid in and out of her slick heat.

“Davey,” she gasped, his name a plea and a prayer on her lips. “I love you. God, I love you so much.”

The words tumbled out, raw and unfiltered, stripped of her usual defenses. In this moment, with him buried deep inside her, she couldn’t hold them back any longer. Didn’t want to.

Davey’s breath hitched, his hips stuttering briefly before resuming their steady pace. “I know, Hellcat.” His voice was rough with emotion. “I love you too. More than anything.”

He sealed his declaration with a deep, passionate kiss that stole her breath and made her toes curl. His tongue swept into her mouth, tangling with hers in a sensual dance that mirrored the rhythm of their joined bodies.

Rowan clung to him, losing herself in the heat and strength of him, in the overwhelming rightness of being in his arms.

The world narrowed until there was only this— the slick slide of their bodies, the mingled sound of their gasps and moans, the overwhelming sensation of being so wholly possessed by him. Nothing else mattered in this moment - not the dangers that awaited them outside this room, not the uncertainties of their future together. There was only Davey, the man she loved with every fiber of her being, the man she would fight for, kill for, die for if necessary.

“That’s it, Hellcat,” Davey growled, his pace increasing until the mattress creaked under them. “Take what you need. I’ve got you.”

And she did, letting herself get lost in the rhythm of their lovemaking, in the electrifying pleasure building with each drive of his hips. Higher and higher, until she was teetering on the edge, her body wound tight and desperate for release.

Her nails raked down Davey’s back as the coil of tension inside her wound tighter and tighter. She was so close, her body trembling on the precipice of ecstasy.

“Davey, please,” she gasped, arching into him. “I need...”

“I know what you need,” he growled, his thrusts becoming harder, more urgent. “Come for me, Rowan. Let go.”

As if on command, her orgasm crashed over her, a tidal wave of pleasure that had her crying out his name. Her inner muscles clenched around him, gripping him like a vise as spasms of bliss rocked through her.

Davey groaned, his rhythm faltering as her climax triggered his own. She felt him swell inside her, felt the hot pulse of his release as he spilled himself deep.

They stayed like that for long moments, wrapped around each other, hearts pounding in sync as the aftershocks slowly subsided. Rowan kept her eyes closed, savoring the feeling of him still buried deep within her, the comforting weight of his body pressed against hers.

She didn’t remember falling asleep, but sometime later, she woke with the uneasy feeling of being watched. Years of training had sharpened her instincts, and even half-asleep, she knew something was off. She cracked one eye open to find Davey leaning on one elbow, studying her like she was some kind of puzzle he couldn’t quite figure out.

“What?” she murmured, her voice shockingly husky. She cleared her throat and tried again, “What?”

His beautiful blue eyes softened, but his brow remained furrowed. “Just waiting for you to bolt again.”

“Relax, Wilde.” She rolled onto her back, stretching languidly. Everything hurt, but mostly in a good way. “If I were going to run, I’d have done it earlier, while you were snoring like a freight train.”

He scowled. “I don’t snore.”

She patted his chest. “Keep telling yourself that, big guy.”

Davey’s scowl deepened, but there was a hint of amusement in his eyes. “You’re one to talk. You kick like a mule in your sleep.”

Rowan snorted. “At least I don’t hog all the blankets.”

“No, you just steal them completely.”

She glanced down, realizing he was right. She had the blankets wrapped around her like a cocoon. With a grin, she unwound herself and tossed half the covers over him, leaving her bare to his gaze. “There. Happy now?”

She didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked down to the bandage on her ribs, no doubt checking for more spots of blood on the fresh white gauze. His gaze lingered there for a moment before traveling back up to meet hers.

“I’ll be happy when you’re healed up and we’ve dealt with whoever put that hole in your side.”

“I already dealt with them. They won’t be coming after me again.”

He reached out, tracing the curve of her hip with a gentleness that never failed to surprise her. “But others will.”

“It’s an occupational hazard.”

“And that doesn’t bother you? The constant danger, always looking over your shoulder?”

“Did it bother you as a SEAL?”

“Sometimes,” he admitted softly. “It wears on you after a while. If I hadn’t been blown up, I probably would’ve gotten out sooner rather than later.”

She shrugged, but the casual gesture felt forced. “It’s the life I chose. The only one I know.”

“But why?” He propped himself up on his elbow, his gaze intense as he studied her face. “What made you go down that path? You could’ve worked with your father. Joined the military. Hell, WSW would’ve snapped you up and offered a fat paycheck for your skills. Why choose a life as an assassin?”

Rowan’s throat tightened. It was a question she’d asked herself countless times over the years, usually in the dark hours of the night when sleep eluded her and the ghosts of her past crept in to haunt her. She’d never been able to come up with a satisfactory answer, at least not one she was willing to share. But with Davey looking at her like that, his eyes soft and searching, she found herself wanting to try.

She rolled onto her side, mirroring Davey’s position so they were face to face. “I guess I just wanted to be in control for once. To call the shots instead of following orders.”

His brow furrowed. “And you couldn’t do that working for your father or the government?”

“It’s different.” She struggled to find the right words. “When you’re a soldier or working for a PMC, you’re part of a system. There are rules, protocols. Doing what I do, I make my own rules. I choose my jobs, my targets. It’s...”

“Liberating?” he suggested when she trailed off.

“Yeah, you get it.” She searched his eyes, seeing only patience and understanding. No judgment, no condemnation. Just a desire to know her, to understand what made her tick.

“My entire life, I watched my dad and his men fight against the evil in this world. And even when they won, they didn’t. Not really. Because there were always more evil people to take the places of the ones they eliminated. I guess I just got tired of feeling like we’re on a hamster wheel, you know? Running and running but never actually getting anywhere. At least as an assassin, I can make a tangible difference. I can target the worst of the worst and know that when I take them out, the world is a little bit safer.”

Davey was quiet for a moment, his brow still furrowed in thought. Then he reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear with a tenderness that made her heart ache. “I do get it. I can’t say I’ve never thought that myself. But the system and rules are in place for a reason. What happens when there are no rules at all? When the lines between right and wrong get blurred, and it’s hard to tell the good guys from the bad?”

She leaned into his touch, her eyes fluttering closed briefly. “I’m not saying my way is right. It’s just... it’s the only way I know how to cope with all the shit I’ve seen. All the evil I’ve witnessed.” She opened her eyes, meeting his gaze head-on. “Does that make me a monster?”

“No,” he said firmly and cupped her cheek in his palm. “It makes you human. We all have our ways of dealing with the darkness we face. I can’t judge you for yours any more than you can judge me for mine.”

She covered his hand with her own, turning her face to press a kiss to his palm. “And what’s your way of coping, Davey Wilde?”

A wry smile tugged at his lips. “Apparently, it’s falling in love with a beautiful, deadly woman who frustrates me and challenges me in every way possible.”

Rowan’s heart stuttered in her chest at his words, a warmth spreading through her that had nothing to do with the heated tangle of their bodies. “Careful, Wilde. Keep saying things like that, and a girl might start to think you’re going soft.”

His smile widened into a grin. “Oh, I assure you, Hellcat, there’s nothing soft about me right now.”

As if to prove his point, he rolled his hips, pressing his unmistakably hard length against her thigh. Rowan bit back a moan, her body instantly responding to the promise in his touch.

“Again? Seriously?”

“What can I say?” He dipped his head, nuzzling the sensitive spot just below her ear. “You bring out the insatiable beast in me.”

She laughed and rolled onto her back, pulling him with her until he settled in the cradle of her thighs. “Then, by all means, let the beast out to play.”

Davey grinned wolfishly down at her before capturing her lips in a heated kiss that stole her breath. His hands roamed her body, his touch alternately gentle and demanding, stoking the embers of desire within her into a blazing inferno. She arched into him, her fingers tangling in his hair as she lost herself in the sensations he evoked.

A loud chirp from her phone on the nightstand jolted them both out of the moment. Davey groaned against her neck. “Was that mine or yours?”

“I think it was mine.”

“Ignore it.” He cupped her breast in his big palm and swirled his tongue around her nipple. “We still have time before the meeting.”

Oh, how she wanted to. But the phone buzzed again. And again. With an aggravated sigh, she stretched out an arm and snatched it up, glancing at the screen.

“Shit.” She shoved at Davey’s shoulder until he let her sit up. “It’s Benji.”

“Who’s Benji?”

She sent him a dry look. “My informant that you scared away.”

He grunted. “The assholes with the guns scared him away, not me.”

Rowan rolled her eyes but didn’t argue the point as she opened the text messages. “Either way, he still wants to meet.”

She swung her legs over the side of the bed, wincing slightly as her stitches pulled.

Davey’s hand on her arm stopped her. “Is he reliable?”

“As much as any informant looking to save his own ass can be.” She shook off his grip and stood, gathering her clothes from the floor. “But he’s never wasted my time before. I asked him to dig around for the name behind Kryos Solutions, and if he’s this eager to meet, it’s worth checking out.”

“Kryos Solutions. The broker that hired you to kill me?”

She winced. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“I’ve mostly forgiven you.”

She glanced back at him over her shoulder as she scooped up her pants from the floor. “Only mostly?”

He propped himself up on one elbow, the sheet riding low on his hips. “Well, you did take the job initially. That’s not something a man easily forgets from just a few rounds of good sex.”

“I took it to save you.” She stepped into her cargo pants and glowered at him as she fastened the button. “And what do you mean by good sex? That should’ve ruined you for all other women.”

Davey’s eyes glinted with mischief as he stood. He was shamelessly, comfortably naked, his cock still half-hard. She couldn’t help but look her fill as he prowled towards her, all lean muscle and tanned skin. He stopped just short of touching her, leaning in close enough that she could feel the heat radiating off him.

“I mean, yeah, it was good, but not quite enough to make me forget you agreed to kill me at one point. You’ll have to try harder next time.”

Rowan narrowed her eyes at him, but the slight twitch of her lips ruined the effect. “You’re an ass.”

“Yeah, I am.” He pulled her against him and his hands slid down to cup her ass, giving it a firm squeeze. “But you love me anyway.”

Rowan rolled her eyes but didn’t resist, letting her hands come to rest on his chest. “I love parts of you. The jury is still out on the whole package.”

“I think the jury came back with a pretty definitive verdict today,” he murmured, dipping his head to nuzzle her neck. “Several times, in fact.”

Her heart did a little flip at his words, even as she tried to maintain her unaffected facade. Damn him for making her feel things, for making her want things she had no business wanting. Like a future. With him.

She allowed herself a moment to savor his embrace, the solid strength of his body against hers, before regretfully pulling away. “As much as I’d love to stay here and stroke your ego—among other things—I really do need to meet with Benji.”

Davey sighed but released her. “I know. But I’m coming with you.”

She caught his arm. “Like hell you are.”

He shook her off and opened his dresser, pulling out a fresh pair of tactical pants. “I’m not letting you go alone, Rowan.”

“I think I can handle myself against a computer nerd with more drugs in his system than blood.”

“Need I remind you, you were just stabbed?”

“Not by Benji.”

Davey paused with his pants halfway up his thighs, fixing her with a stern look. “That’s not the point, and you know it. Until we find out who’s behind Kryos and why they want us both dead, you’re not going anywhere alone. End of discussion.”

Rowan glared at him, hating that he was right. She was used to working solo, relying only on herself. Having someone else watching her back, caring about her safety, was foreign and unsettling. But also, if she was honest with herself, kind of nice.

“Fine,” she bit out. “But you follow my lead.”