Page 21 of Wild Stars (Rock His World #2)

CHAPTER 21

Dare

My wires cross, and I’m not sure I’m making sense.

I want to say I love you.

But all that comes out is “I want you,” and it comes out sounding like I can’t breathe.

It isn’t untrue.

I do want him.

I want to write songs together and jam, and I want to piss him off, and I want to make him crumble like a cookie beneath me, and I want to gaze at the stars in his arms, and wake up with him wrapped around me.

I want Mateo Star to be mine.

Matty kisses me, speaking a language only our bodies seem to know.

He trails his fingers down my side, gripping my hips as I thrust my cock against him.

“I know,” he whispers.

Underneath his weight, in the middle of nowhere, with him on top of me, I can’t deny that everything feels perfect.

He feels perfect.

And with my brain goblins on strike again, I don’t think twice about what I say next.

Because when I’m with Matty, I’m not afraid of fucking anything, least of all my own thoughts.

“I want you to fuck me,” I breathe out, taking his lips against mine.

“Dare...” His voice drops, and I can hear the fear in it.

“Please,” I beg.

His cock throbs against mine, and his grip tightens on my hips.

“It’s not... It’s not that simple, Dare,” he replies as he leans back, taking his weight off of me.

What?

Panic sets in.

Did I say something wrong?

Did I miscalculate?

Matty adjusts his cock, and I lean forward, anxiety spreading in me like wildfire.

“Matty, what’s?—”

“I knew this was a bad idea,” he murmurs, and my heart breaks.

“What?” I can feel the tears starting in my core, working their way up to my eyes.

“I thought...” I stammer, trying to find my words as old insecurities and memories push forth. Of the women and men who didn’t want me the way I wanted them.

“I thought... the picnic... the stars... the making out... I mean, like, this is the most romantic shit anyone’s ever done for me. So, I thought?—”

The air is cold and I can feel my tears prickling my eyes.

Matty sighs, running his hand over his face. “It’s complicated.”

Complicated? How is sex complicated? We’ve already slept together! Well, in the literal sense, and we’ve fooled around. How can this be complicated?

“Whatever, I get it, I—” I stand and he does, too.

“Darren...” His voice is strained.

“Just give me a chance to explain, please,” he pleads as I give him my back, if only so he can’t see me cry like a fucking baby.

“It’s fine,” I reply, my voice shaking.

“Fuck, now you’re crying. I can’t—” His voice takes on an edge that only makes me feel worse. Great, now he’s mad.

“Dare, will you just listen to me, damn it!” he says.

I turn to look at him, and I can see the pain etched all over his face.

Pain I caused because I’m an idiot and ruined everything.

“I just have... needs,” he says, his voice full of pain.

I turn to face him, noting that he’s already cleaning up our spot.

Guess the date’s over because I fucking blew it.

“What kind of needs?” I snap, crossing my arms.

Matty sighs as he packs up the trunk, then opens my door.

He motions for me to get in, and I think about not doing it.

But if I don’t, I’ll be stuck out in the cold.

Fucking weather.

Matty turns the car on, but there is no music. Just the utter darkness and silence.

“Sex is an intimate thing for me,” he says firmly.

“Um, yeah, that’s kind of the definition, there, Matty. It’s intimate for everyone,” I bite, looking out the window.

“I need your explicit consent,” he says.

“Pretty sure me asking for it, is my consent, sir.”

“In writing,” he says, and the car gets quiet.

“Like a... a NDA?” I ask. I’m not stupid, I know plenty of people have them, but I never thought I’d need one.

“Yes,” he says as he swallows harshly. “Among other things.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “What kind of other things?”

The car grows quiet once again, and I think he’s purposely avoiding my question when he says, “Prep testing, a status of our arrangement, your safe word, and a list of hard and soft limits, of course.” The way he says the words is methodical. Removed.

But I can see the way his jaw tenses, and the way his lip quivers, and I know whatever this is—it’s monumental.

“Testing, right. Yeah, of course, I mean, that’s like, the responsible thing to do, when you’re like, dating someone, right?” I start to ramble.

Are we even dating?

Are we just fucking around?

What are we?

I don’t even know.

Shit!

“Safe word, I don’t even know what that is, and limits? I don’t fucking know, I’ve slept with like two people... okay, three... four, probably, if you include you in that mix... And, I mean, what are your limits?”

Matty’s arms tense as he stares at the road, his jaw clenched.

“I can’t disclose that without a contract, Dare.”

Oh.

Oh.

Realization hits me at what he is getting at, and his words from before, echo in my brain.

I can’t legally tell you.

“So it’s a kink thing.” I say nodding slowly. “Like Fifty Shades of Gray or some shit? Did your, uh, other... Did you make Eddy Spaghetti sign a contract?”

The car comes to an abrupt stop at a stop sign.

Matty is only inches away from me, but it feels like a canyon.

“What did you call him?”

I swallow harshly. “Eddy Spaghetti. Because he did that pasta commercial, you know... before he was famous.”

I watch the vein over Matty’s eye twitch.

Well, it was good while it lasted, Dare.

I hope Richie throws a nice funeral.

“Yes,” he says quietly, the sound of the engine only accentuating the silence between us.

Neither of us speaks until we come to my driveway.

I open my mouth, but he only gets out of the car, opening my door like the perfect date.

The perfect date I fucking ruined with my damn cock.

I get out, and he walks me slowly down the sidewalk.

“I’m sorry, Dare,” he says softly. “I just... This isn’t easy for me.” His voice is barely a whisper. “I don’t know how to do this.” He stops in front of my door.

“Do what?” I ask, my voice sounding tired.

“This,” he says, swallowing harshly as he motions between us.

His eyes glisten as he whispers words I know all too well.

“You prayed for my love, you begged for my heart...

And it is time to reap what you’ve sown…

All you have to do is sign the dotted line, baby.” His voice falters and I can hear the sadness in it.

And as I look at him on my porch, I think I finally understand.

This is who Mateo Starr really is.

A man who needs to be in control in all aspects of his life.

A man who desperately wants someone else to take it from him.

Can I be that person?

Am I capable of being what he needs ?

Because I know he’s everything I need, everything I want.

Fuck, he’s everything I never thought I could have.

I was nervous before asking him on this date, but now?

Now, I feel like I really am certifiable.

Because I’ve never taken a leap of faith, quite like this.

This could blow up in my face, or it could be the best decision of my damn life.

“Okay,” I agree, my breath catching. I don’t miss the shift in his eyes, the way his muscles loosen.

“Okay?” the concern, the hope in his voice is not lost on me.

I nod.

And when he presses his warm lips to mine, I can’t help but whisper the words that will seal my fate forever.

“Give me your control.”