Page 21 of Wild Scottish Gold (The Enchanted Highlands #7)

CHAPTER TWENTY

Kaia

“ H ow bad is it?” Willow asked me. She’d taken a seat next to me. I cradled Murdoch who periodically made disgruntled noises as he burrowed into my arms. I could only imagine how much pain he must be in, and if it echoed mine, it was likely severe.

“I’ve had better days.” I pressed a kiss to Murdoch’s head. “I’m more worried about him.”

My wing is broken.

I closed my eyes, but Willow reached out and gripped my hand.

“He thinks it’s his wing?”

I’d forgotten she could communicate with animals. I had thought it was just restricted to Calvin, but it appeared her strengths went deeper. I just nodded, unable to speak. I knew next to nothing about birds, but I had to imagine that was akin to a death sentence for one.

“We’ll get this sorted. I promise. Shona’s on the way. Lia’s already brewing something up. Between the two of them, we’ll get it figured out.” Willow clucked her lips. “I wish I would have looked more deeply into the vision, Kaia. I would have told you if I had any clue that Audrey was in danger.”

“I know.” I swiveled my head to look at her as we pulled to a stop in front of the castle. “It’s not your fault.”

“It’s nobody’s fault. But it feels pretty shitty either way.”

Ramsay opened the back door and to my surprise, he just reached in and lifted me before I could say a word of protest. Willow caught my look, and she laughed.

“He does that.”

“So does Thane,” I admitted, and despite my pain, I smiled when Willow hooted with laughter.

“I don’t doubt it.”

The dogs met us at the open front door, where Hilda stood, wringing her hands.

“Straight back to the ground floor apartment. Hush up, Sir Buster. It’s not about you right now.” Sir Buster immediately stopped barking, and if a dog could look affronted, he did. Ramsay whisked me through a stone hallway, with lamps that were fashioned to look like old-timey torches, and portraits of ancestors lining the walls. He went into the door that Hilda held open, past a sitting room, and gently laid me against a stack of pillows on a double-sized bed.

Stepping back, he gave me a stern nod.

“You’re stronger than you may think. Don’t let this make you doubt yourself.”

It was the most words I’d ever heard him speak, even though I’d only met him a smattering of times so far. He turned and left the room, brushing a hand down Willow’s back as he did so. I blinked after him, and then up at her. She shrugged one shoulder.

“He’s succinct.” Willow stopped at the door. “Be back in a sec.”

“Mmm.” My brain still felt sludgy, and my feelings were caught in a knotted mess in my core.

“Here now. Let’s get the wee lad sorted, shall we?” Hilda bustled in with a low-sided basket with what looked to be a cat bed in it. She placed it on the bed next to me. “Do you think you could put him in here? Just so we can have a look?”

“Can I move you?” I asked Murdoch, now that I knew he was really hurt.

Aye, lass.

As gently as I could, I lifted him but then winced when pain lanced up my side. Hilda quickly intercepted, cradling Murdoch, giving him a soft landing on the bed. He settled down, one wing splayed out, and closed his eyes.

“Murdoch, you’re okay, right? You’re just closing your eyes to rest?” Worry made my stomach turn.

Aye. It hurts, but I’m just resting.

“The girls will be here soon. I’ve told them we have two patients today.” Hilda moved to my side. “I’d like to get you out of these clothes. They’re wet and you’ll catch a cold. We can wrap you up in a blanket until I sort out clothes for you.”

It was such a motherly thing to be concerned about that I felt myself softening to her. I rolled, allowing her to help me stand, and she efficiently helped me undress just as Willow bustled back in with a fluffy pink robe and some comfy clothes.

“Figured you’d need something cozy. Here, let’s just do the robe for now because I can already see the bruises.” Willow helped me with the robe, and I took a moment to glance down at my body.

“Oh shit.” I knew I was in pain, but this was bad. Bruises were already blooming all along my legs and my side. One even bubbled up, the size of my fist, almost blister-like, and I itched to pop it.

“It’s not great. But let’s just see what the girls can do. Or should we take her to the hospital?” Willow whirled on Hilda. “Was it stupid to bring her here? What if she has internal bleeding?”

“I think I’m okay.” I had no idea if I was okay . But I wanted to treat Murdoch first. Just then, Lia and Shona walked in, followed by Sophie and Agnes both carrying two cardboard boxes.

“Right, let’s get down to business. Bird or human first?” Lia looked up from where she paged through her leather book, her apron still on and her hair tied back in a bandanna.

“Bird.” Something shifted in the corner, catching my gaze, and I froze as a pair of eyes blinked out at me from a corner.

“Something’s in here,” I hissed.

It’s just the broonie. Murdoch gave me a look.

“Oh!” Lia looked behind her. “That’s Brice. He’s my familiar.”

“The broonie?” I asked, and a wee man crept forward with huge eyes, a face only a mother could love, and a red beanie pulled low over his brow. He nodded at me and chattered something I couldn’t understand.

“He wants to help with Murdoch. Brice has a soft spot for animals. We feed our crows out back all the time.”

“Here, I found it.” Lia turned to Shona while Brice crawled onto the bed and softly patted Murdoch’s head. I couldn’t stop looking at him. How did everyone just get used to all of this magick?

A soft moo caught my attention, and we all turned to see Clyde poke his head through a wall.

“ Moo ?” It was gentle, just a question, and not remotely attempting to scare me.

“You did good, Clyde.”

“What did Clyde do?” Hilda asked from the doorframe. The room was getting crowded and Agnes sidled closer to me and squeezed my shoulder.

“He showed up. When I was sinking in the loch.”

“Is that what happened?” Willow turned and beamed at Clyde. “You silly coo. I could kiss you! We thought a Kelpie just chucked you out of the water.”

“Nope, it was Clyde.”

“Good boy.” Everyone applauded Clyde and he bowed his head a few times. If a coo could look pleased and embarrassed at the same time, he certainly did. Lia was reading out ingredients to Shona who was cutting and mixing them in a bowl from the boxes they had brought with them.

“Right, everyone. I think we’ve got it for the bird. Broken wing, right?” Lia looked to me and then back to Murdoch, her words coming out rapid-fire. I almost wanted to yell, “Yes, chef!” back to her, but instead just nodded.

“He says just the wing.”

“By Brigid’s flame and sky so wide, let broken wing in health abide. Swift as wind and strong as sea, so mote it heal, so mote it be.” Lia chanted over the poultice that Shona had made, and together they put it on a small scrap of gauze and gently laid it over Murdoch’s wing. Then Brice sidled forward and put his hands over the gauze.

A soft light glowed beneath his palms and then he was gone.

Just gone.

I blinked at the space where Brice had once been, my mouth dropping open.

“He does that,” Lia explained.

“Murdoch, how are you feeling?” I asked, leaning forward to look at him.

That did the trick.

Murdoch stood, flapping his wings wide, and the room cheered.

“That’s … that’s just incredible,” I breathed, looking between Lia and Shona. “Is that something you knew how to do?”

“Nope. First time for a broken bone.” Lia did a little shimmy and then high-fived Shona. “We’re getting better.”

“What was in the poultice?” Hilda asked. She’d gone out into the sitting room and come back with a cup of tea to put on the table next to me.

“Dandelion root, sage, elderflower, and chamomile.” A proud smile flitted across Shona’s face. “All grown by me.”

“Your turn.” Lia gave me a no-nonsense look. “What are we dealing with here?”

“I think just massive bruises.” I eased myself to a horizontal position on the bed and opened my robe up. All of the women gathered around the bed and leaned over to look.

“That’s gnarly,” Lia said, biting her lip.

“Please tell me you’re talking about my bruises,” I said. It wasn’t like I was exceptionally comfortable with being naked in front of women I hadn’t known that long.

“Definitely the bruises.” Willow laughed. “Your body’s banging.”

“Thanks.”

“Speaking of banging, I’ve heard you’ve been enjoying Thane?” Hilda asked as she pressed her fingers into my ribs. Everyone hooted out a laugh.

“Hilda, ya gossip.” Sophie poked her.

“I’m not dead you know. You young ones aren’t the only ones doing all the banging.” At that, we all burst into laughter again, and I crossed my hands over myself as pain ratcheted up my side.

“I’m not entirely sure if she has any bruised ribs, but she didn’t react too much when I poked there,” Hilda mentioned.

“Is poking a broken rib smart?” Sophie glared at Hilda. Hilda just shrugged.

“It’s a quick way to find out what we’re dealing with.”

“Right, I got it.” Lia held her finger to a page in the book, turned to Shona, and they got to work mixing. Before long, everyone was slathering something on my body and I could only hold still and blink up at the ceiling.

“This feels like a very painful and demented spa experience,” I lamented.

“I am Sigrid.” Willow affected a Swedish accent. “The pain, it is good for the muscles.”

“Is that so?” I winced as they finished, and Lia leaned over.

“Ready for a spell?” I nodded. Honestly, I was splayed out like a piece of meat, covered in some kind of sauce, and I had just been tossed around the loch by water beasts. At this point, what did a spell among friends matter?

“Kelpie’s grip, release your hold, let no curse nor pain take hold. By Rowan’s shield and moon’s embrace, leave no mark, leave no trace.”

Nothing happened at first.

But then, I felt it. Gentle warmth seeped into my skin, like water pouring into dry cracks of sand on the floor in the desert, and with it I could feel healing tendrils unfurl in me. The power seemed to surround the pain, curling it in, and then pulling it out of me like a weed being plucked from the dirt. It was a distinctly odd feeling, not necessarily horribly painful or anything, but it did make me want to reach down and scratch my body. Digging my fingers into my palms, I willed myself to stay still.

“Do you feel anything, Kaia?” Shona whispered.

“Yeah, it’s like … pulling it from me or something.”

“That’s good.” Shona turned to Lia, worry on her face. “That’s good, right?”

“I think so?” Lia gave Shona a worried look, and despite the severity of the situation, it was also absurd enough to make me laugh. Here I was, surrounded by women I hadn’t known two months ago, stripped naked and covered in a magickal poultice, while they all waited in uncertainty for a spell they’d just discovered to take effect.

“Maybe best to just move around a bit? Wash it off?” I moved my limbs and from what I could tell, the pain had lessened.

“Right. How’s this? Sit with this for a few minutes longer and give us a call when you’re ready to be upright and get into the shower. We can clear out because you don’t need us all peering at you like you’re a specimen on the lab table,” Hilda announced, clapping her hands together. “Kaia, what can I get for Murdoch?”

“Blueberries, nuts, and water.”

I lay in bed for a while, just staring at the ceiling, trying to process everything that had just happened. I was grateful for the time alone, to pull my thoughts together, and try to understand my emotions after the attack. Because the scariest thing was?

All I wanted to do was turn tail and run.

I suppose that was a normal reaction after almost being killed by a Kelpie. But it was more than that. I was in over my head. What I’d thought was a harmless magickal gift for a small girl ended up leading her into the jaws of the actual beast. I was sleeping with the man who held my business lease in his hands, I didn’t really know what I was doing with all this magick, and the bird who had adopted me had almost died.

Crisis of confidence, serving of one. How I wish I could get one of my mom’s warm hugs right now. Or be told I’m going to be okay by my ever-comforting dad.

Easing myself from the bed, I tiptoed into the bathroom and found towels laid out. I didn’t feel like calling for help with the shower, and I certainly didn’t want to be laid out all naked and exposed anymore. I was beyond exposed.

Exposed as a fake.

I’d been so certain that I was killing this “new life” thing and instead I’d almost gotten killed. And had hurt those around me. Had Thane been right all along? Should I leave ? Go back to the States ? Even if Loren Brae had begun to feel like my place… it might just be time for me to go home.

Stepping into the shower, I buried my head under the hot stream of water, and let the steam cloud around me, but no matter how long I stood there, it didn’t seem to shake the chill from my bones. Audrey could have died because of me. Thane never would have forgiven me, hell, I would never have forgiven myself. Everything swirled around inside me, like the water sluicing the poultice off me, and I watched as it spiraled down the drain.

That’s how I felt. Like brown muddy water spiraling down a drain. Moving to an entirely new country was already disconcerting enough on its own. I’d been working hard at finding my groove, making a name for myself, but in doing so I’d ignored all the feelings that came with embracing being uncomfortable.

I was out of my element.

Broonies, gnomes, ghost coos, new boyfriends, new jobs, new friends. It all just slammed into me, and I had to take several deep breaths to steady myself before I got out of the shower and toweled off. Looking down, I examined the skin where the Kelpie had bitten me. His teeth hadn’t broken skin, and the poultice had done wonders for the bruising. I wasn’t good as new, and I could still feel pain, but I was much better. It was as though they’d sped up the healing by a few days, and now my bruises were just that gross greenish gold color they became when they were starting to fade.

Pulling on the sweats that Willow had brought me, I bundled my hair in a towel and limped back into the room. What I wanted right now was to crawl under that big duvet, cuddle Murdoch close, and have myself a big old cry. Hilda had already told me I could stay as long as I needed, and I planned to do just that, if even only for the night.

I drew up short when I saw Thane sitting at the end of the bed.

“Kaia.” His face looked ravaged, his eyes stormy, and I wanted to run to him. To burrow into his arms and have him tell me that everything was going to be fine. But I’d trusted someone to do that for me once before, and it had all fallen apart. I was the one who needed to tighten my bootstraps and tell myself everything was going to work out.

Pulling the blanket back, I slid beneath it and wrapped a pillow in my arms over my chest. Thane tilted his head, looking me up and down, something flashing in his eyes as he understood the barrier I was creating.

“Are you hurt?”

“They’ve patched me up. I’ll be just fine.”

Thane nodded, shifting at the foot of the bed to reach out to give Murdoch a light scratch at the back of his head.

“And my wee pal?”

“He’s on the mend too. They just …” I shook my head. “Sewed his bone right up. With magick. It’s incredible.”

“It is.” Thane ran his hand through his hair, and it stood on end. He looked shell-shocked, and I imagined I looked much the same.

“Audrey?”

“She’s having a tough time of it, but she’ll be all right. She’s not physically hurt.”

But the emotional damage was done.

He didn’t have to say that out loud, I knew it.

“I’m so sorry, Thane. I feel horrible. I had no idea that telling her she had magick now would result in this. I have … there are no words.”

“Och, Kaia, it’s not your fault, you ken? She’s seven. Children make mistakes.” Fire blazed behind Thane’s eyes, and he gestured to the pillow I was holding. “Is that what this is about?”

“That. Maybe. I don’t know.” I shifted, trying to figure out how to articulate my thoughts.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

“You never asked me to be your girlfriend.” I gave him a sad smile.

“Och, cut the crap, Kaia. I asked you to give us a chance. What do you think I meant?”

“I know what you meant,” I said. “I was just being technical.”

“You still didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I answered him as honestly as I could. I didn’t want to play games, and I wasn’t being coy, I just didn’t know how I felt because I was still stuck in that weird sludgy numbness that gripped me after the attack. I imagined it was how someone would feel sinking into a pit of quicksand. “I thought I did. I thought I could finally have it all. Like a real grown-up adult with their shit together. A new country. New career. New friends. New boyfriend. New little workshop. And magick. This incredible untenable thing that lives inside me now. And now I’m not so sure. Maybe I was just fooling myself into thinking I could manage this all. Because here I am, dating a man that holds my career in his hands, relying on friends to patch me up, and I almost killed your niece.”

“Bloody hell.” Thane leaned forward on the bed. “She’s a child. She does dumb shite. They all do. That’s what kids are.” How is he being so forgiving? So understanding? I was sure Lauren wouldn’t feel so accommodating. Damn it.

“But what am I doing, Thane? I couldn’t help you out there. I dropped my weapon. My magick was useless and I almost got myself killed. I’m supposed to be an asset to this town and instead I am a liability.”

“You’re worried about protecting me?” Thane stood at that, his voice rising. He jabbed a finger in his chest. “How do you think I felt? There was nothing I could do. Nothing. I stood there, holding Audrey, and watched you almost die. And there was not a damn thing I could do about it. And I’m getting sick of not being able to protect the women I love in my life.”

I stilled at that. Love.

A new emotion to add to that sticky mess inside me that choked me and made it difficult to breathe.

“But I?—”

“You what?” Thane whirled on me. “It’s your job to do it all? On your own? Because you joined an Order, didn’t you? That automatically implies you understand that you have to rely on others. Or does that not apply to you? You’re allowed to help and give but you can’t ask for what you need? Or want?”

“Wait … what? I don’t … I’m not …” I was so unsure of my steps.

“Tell me what you want, Kaia. Just tell me. Say it to me straight.”

“I want to know that I can handle things on my own. That I won’t be … screwing up magick and doing things that hurt others. That I can support myself on my own merits.” I rushed it all out in one breath.

“And how does me loving you stop you from doing any of that?”

I froze at his words. I had no answer. But I also couldn’t tell him what he wanted to hear. I was numb, locked in my head and my emotions, and I just shook my head at him, helpless, as tears filled my eyes.

“What do you need from me, Kaia?” Thane dropped to his knees by my bed and leaned in so his face was close. “I’ll always give you what you need, but I can’t make the decision for you.”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m just scared. Maybe it’s all too much at once. Maybe I just need to believe.” I wished I could give him a straight answer. He deserved that. It was just that I didn’t have one. Clarity didn’t always arrive on demand.

“Do you want me to stay? Here with you?”

“No.” I winced at the hurt that flashed in Thane’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I just think I need some time. I’m really overwhelmed and scared and tired and in pain.”

At that, Thane stood and called over his shoulder. “Lia, Kaia’s still in pain.”

“Oh you don’t have to…”

“Aye, lass. I do. If you don’t want me here, I need to know someone else is looking after you. Take care of yourself, Kaia.”

I’m sorry. I wish I knew what I wanted.

I let him leave, but somehow, his goodbye kiss was the most painful thing I’d felt all day.