Page 12 of Wild Games
“Last night.”
Another lie.
Food tastes like ash. I couldn’t stay at breakfast yesterday once I saw her, after I lost it over someone pouring a coffee for her.
“Bullshit.” He crosses his arms, feet planted wide, eyes narrowed. “Jax, you’re falling apart. This is the worst I’ve seen you in a long time. Whatever’s going on… maybe we need to talk to Blake again…”
My wolf resents the intrusion, wanting to be left alone to pursue our mate how we see fit.
“No.”
Dean might be all alpha, but one of the perks of having a wolf who’s as broken as mine is he constantly chooses attack as the best form of defence and doesn’t give a shit about rank.
He’s perfectly fine with getting his ass kicked. And when it happens every day of your life growing up, you become sort of immune to the pain.
“I’m fine.” I soften my tone, hoping to avoid getting dragged in front of Dean’s alpha to explain my erratic behaviour.
He scoffs, running a tanned hand through his dark hair, watching me as I shift my weight, ready to slam the door if he tries to push past me. Proving his point that I’m not acting as a normal wolf, one who would submit to his alpha rather than fight him, would.
“You’re not fine.” His tone is stern, but Dean is nothing like my father, so instead of being pissed off that I’m disrespecting him and his alpha position, he simply grows even more worried about what I’m hiding behind my bluster.
“I will be. I promise.” Unfortunately, neither of us believes that.
His jaw tightens, frustration bleeding through at my stubbornness.
For years, he’s done everything he could think of to help me get a handle on my wolf, including keeping our borders closed, and our pack isolated longer than he should have.
“I need your help with the investigation, not… being all sweaty, acting weird and drawing attention to yourself…” He stops mid-sentence, nostrils flaring slightly. His head tilts, expression shifting from anger to confusion.
Dread turns the blood in my veins to ice. Can he smell her scarf? I force myself not to react, keeping my breathing steady, and go for an abrupt change of subject before he follows his nose down into my den.
“What do you need me to do? Go through the cabins and see if I can scent the magic again?”
Dean’s attention turns back to me, and he shakes his head.
“You’re not a sniffer dog. And we don’t want to tip them off.”
His frown deepens as he takes a half step closer, and I have to fight not to bare my teeth. He can feel my rage, not understanding that my wolf is angry that he might try to take the scarf from us if he finds it.
“I may as well be. I’m no good at anything else.” The words tumble out too fast. I scratch the back of my neck, trying to look casual while deep inside, my wolf claws at me, trying to get out.
Dean opens his mouth to reassure me, no doubt, to remind me how valuable my work in the clinic is, blah blah blah, but thankfully, someone calls his name from the main house. He glances over his shoulder then, torn between duty and his need to interrogate me.
“We’re not done with this conversation.” He points at me, alpha command threading through his voice. “Get yourself together, maybe even take a shower, and actually eat something. Then come find me.” He pauses at the top of the stairs, his expression softening slightly. “I mean it, Jax. I need your help.”
I nod, not trusting my voice. The moment his footsteps fade, I’m back at my bed, pulling out the scarf. My hands won’t stop shaking as I bring it to my nose again.
The relief is immediate. Her scent calms the frantic edge that’s been sawing at my control. The scarfshouldgo back. The rational part of me knows this. Give it back, apologise, and explain that my wolf is broken, and that’s why we can’t be together.
Warn her that this could happen again.
But my wolf snarls at the thought. The scrap of fabric is ours now, a piece of my mate to have with me in her stead. It will never be enough, but it’s something.
Tonight, I tell myself. I’ll return it tonight.
But I already know it’s a lie, and that I’ll be breathing in her scent again come dusk.
My stomach cramps, reminding me of Dean’s orders to eat, so I force down half a protein bar before my body rebels, unwilling to risk another visit to the packhouse dining hall in case she’s there.