Page 21 of Wild Alpha (Cold-Blooded Alpha #12)

FOUR DAYS LATER…

T he mornings are the worst.

Nightmares almost always rip me from my dreams, chasing me from my bed in the cabin and outside. Running doesn’t help. Showering doesn’t relax me. No amount of thinking about the day Xavier turned all our lives upside down changes anything.

Xavier is dead now. He can no longer ruin my life, but the regret never fades.

Nor does the pain.

I keep wishing I could dive into the past and change so many things, but that’s impossible, so I sit outside the cabin door and stare into the forest while I wait for the sun to rise.

“You have to stop blaming yourself for what happened.”

My brother decided to stay in Colorado a little longer, even though I’m almost positive he and Dayne will fight soon. They’re almost always snarling or growling at each other over something. Vaden comes to see me for a few minutes each day to talk, but it’s not my brother’s voice behind me.

With my chin resting on my raised knees, I say, "If I’d left, none of this would have happened," to the man who followed me outside.

I never sneak out of the cabin unnoticed. He always knows something is wrong and follows me out.

Fisher sinks onto the ground beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder to pull me closer to the warmth of his chest. He’s wearing sweatpants and a wrinkled T-shirt, just like me. We’re both barefoot.

He kisses my hair. “I don’t blame you.”

“You should.” I stare into the quiet forest. “If I had left before I met you, your life wouldn’t be like this.”

“If you’d left before you’d met me, I’d be dead.”

I peer up at his handsome face.

He’s different now. A shifter. Still the most handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life. Still with soft, curly dark brown hair that I love to run my fingers through. The lines around his mouth and chocolate brown eyes tell me this is a man who smiles often.

His muscles are more defined. Sometimes, flecks of gold flicker in his gaze, hinting at the wolf within him now. And he no longer even faintly smells of dog.

He has a slightly wild, warm, and amber scent.

In every way possible, this man is mine.

The corners of his eyes crinkle as one side of his mouth lifts into a half-smile. “The way you’re looking at me is distracting me from the reason I followed you out here, sweetheart.”

I love it when he calls me sweetheart, and he knows it. He says it at least five times a day, and I will never get tired of it.

I crawl into his lap, my legs on each side of his hips, draping my arms around the backs of his shoulders. “Why did you follow me out here?” I ask even though I already know the answer.

It’s the same reason he always follows me out.

He kisses my forehead, pressing his palm flat on my lower back, just under my T-shirt. His hand is warmer—another difference. Shifters are warmer-blooded than humans, and he’s almost always a couple of degrees hotter than before, even when we’re outside and have been for a while.

“You were in pain, and when you’re hurting, you like to slip away and deal with it on your own.”

“I deserve to hurt for ruining your life.” My days always begin with relief that Fisher made it through the hours-long transformation, and then guilt sets in.

Looking at his sleeping face makes it painful to stay in bed beside him, so I get up.

When my brother bit him, his heart stopped for three seconds, and I’m certain mine did too.

He was unconscious for hours, his skin not only hot to the touch but bright red. He barely seemed to breathe. I never left his side and hardly blinked. I just stared down at the man I love, gripping his hand, willing him to survive.

It was three hours before he no longer seemed to be in pain, and his wounds began to heal.

Luka tore out his stitches. He didn’t need them anymore.

Then Fisher seized, and the battle with his wolf began. If Dayne, a powerful alpha, hadn’t been there to help him control his beast, at least for that first day, he would have turned feral.

The transformation affects every part of a person: their skin, bones, and even their blood. Every part of them must change, so every part of them hurts.

He was in agony for hours, and there was nothing I could do but hold his hand.

And cry.

I cried so much that I didn’t know I had so many tears inside me.

That is the reason for my guilt. And that is why I will never forgive myself.

He kisses me, his eyes dark with sadness. "Sweetheart," he says, "don't. When you're hurting, I am too. Let it go.”

My eyes well with tears. “I can’t.”

When Dayne turned to me on the morning of the third day and said he was heading back to the house after spending the past few days camped out on the couch, I knew Fisher would be all right.

That he hadn’t just made it through the first shift, but had gained control of his wolf, so Dayne no longer needed to be nearby.

“You didn’t ruin my life.” A hint of amusement tugs up one corner of his mouth. “I tripped over my laces, hit my head, and nearly drowned in a creek. Then this beautiful red wolf with silver eyes saved me.”

“You don’t know that you tripped over your laces.” I don’t remember his hiking boots being loose or undone when I moved him, but I can’t be sure of that. I was more concerned with helping him survive the night. Shoes and laces weren’t of interest to me or my wolf.

He kisses my hair. “It was probably my laces.”

“I still should have walked away. Your life might have been ordinary, but you went through a level of pain you didn’t need to. Pain that was all my fault.”

He gently cradles the back of my head. “Averie, I went up into those mountains searching for myself. I spent days wandering and finding no answers. Then I woke up next to a wolf. You were the one I was meant to find up there. I've never been more certain that we were destined to meet."

He always does this.

Draws a smile when I didn’t think I had any smiles in me. Prompts warmth to spread through me when I wake up cold and guilty for ripping him from a world he knew into one he has to learn all the rules.

“You’re very good at that,” I say with a smile.

He draws me close for a lingering kiss. “Good at what?”

“Making me smile. Making me happy.”

He kisses me lightly, a smile spreading across his face. "I aim to be the best. Let's go for a run,” he suggests.

My wolf perks up. She always liked Fisher, but she adores Fisher as a shifter.

I eye him curiously. “Why?”

Fisher isn’t impulsive. For all his amiability and kindness—everything I’d ever want in a man—he considers things carefully first.

“They always make you smile, and I would do anything to make you smile. And…”

“And?” I prompt, my curiosity piqued by the warmth in his gaze.

He tilts his head in a way only a shifter does, and his brown eyes flare. Deep chocolate brown softens to an amber-gold. “My wolf wants to race. He thinks we can beat you this time.”

I raise my eyebrow, hiding my excitement behind a fake glare. “Your wolf is cocky.”

“I beat you before.”

My lips twitch. “I was checking you were okay, and I tripped.”

“You ran into a tree.” His eyes sparkle with amusement.

My mouth opens to deny it, but his raised eyebrow convinces me I’ve lost this argument. "Fine. I was too busy making sure you were all right to pay attention to where I was going. We’ll race again.”

He kisses me, and I almost don’t want it to end. But I can feel his excitement to run, and I’m excited too. It’s become one of our favorite things to do aside from spending hours in bed.

He strips first, and just like the first few times he’s shifted, I’ve watched him like a hawk, wanting to make sure he’s getting through the shift, hasn’t gotten stuck, isn’t struggling to?—

Laughing, he kisses me. “I’ve got this.”

“I don’t want to lose you when I just found you,” I admit.

“You won’t. Let’s do this. No more running into trees, sweetheart. I want to beat you fair and square so I can rub it in your face later.”

My hand covers my face, mainly to conceal my smile. “I've created a monster.”

He takes full advantage.

His first shift was just us, Dayne, and Luka. Dayne’s dominance kept his beast in control.

His second shift was with the rest of the pack. Dayne and Talis, as the most dominant alphas, stayed nearby to help him control his wolf if he needed it.

He didn’t need it.

I was too terrified to enjoy it. It was the most stressful run ever, worse than my first shift when I convinced myself I would be stuck forever as a half-wolf, half-girl, and no one could change my mind.

Eventually, Vaden smacked the back of my head and growled at me to stop being so stupid.

Then I was too angry at him to be scared, which I guess was the point of the smack.

Fisher’s next run, I was a little less stressed out.

And this one…

A medium-sized chocolate brown wolf with light brown legs and a caramel-tipped tail darts past me, bolting into the trees and leaving me behind while I’m distracted.

His chuff is playful, full of joy.

“That’s called cheating,” I yell after him, grinning. “And if you beat me, this still isn’t fair. You know that, right?”

Fisher disappears from view, leaving me in his dust.

My wolf growls at me to stop being stupid and shift already; we’re losing a race.

I don’t waste time stripping. I reach for my wolf as she reaches for me, and I charge after Fisher.

My mate.

My love.

My everything.

And a persistent cheater when it comes to racing me.