Page 60 of Wicked (Wicked Billionaires #2)

RAVEN

I’ve always wanted to travel across the southern states, and I immediately adore it.

It reminds me of my people and how free we are in America.

I now see what Dante means about our great nation, and I find bliss.

We are not bogged down with old European traditions and class issues and people in our nation have more rights.

I head further south, and I fly to Rio in Brazil. I work on book two, and slowly I feel better. My heart still feels like it’s been cut in two, but I’m not staying in bed for half the day.

Week two, I fly to Argentina, and oh my god, the guys are glorious.

Tanned, slim, dark, and mysterious.

I fall in love with the stunning city of Buenos Aires and the architecture. I also do a little dancing. Actually, a lot, and I try out some of the Latino dance styles. I also see some truly amazing locations and I photograph in black and white, and I write.

Week three, I lose my shit.

But screw it! I want to see the entire world. I go rogue and I fly to Cairo in Egypt, and then on to Casablanca. Morocco is exotic and stunning. The travel inspires me to write better and deeper.

I’m back doing yoga daily and my energy is rebuilding.

I use my unlimited world flight package, and the more travel I do, the less I think about Dante. That’s a lie, but it helps distract me, and I try and cut free of him.

It’s hard because Dante did things to me no one will ever do to me again. He also made me feel loved. He cared for me. He protected me. He worshipped me, and he made me come so hard I was worried about returning to earth at times.

I know I’ll never find another, and I have to live with that. It’s just hard.

Dante was my first true love, and I guess I became addicted to him, to what we built together. It kills me not to be able to have him in my life.

I just need to forget about love, forget about sex and that kind of life. I’m best alone, and I’m safe alone… It’s how it must be.

I take another free flight to Bangkok on the package, and then another down to the famous tropical islands of Thailand.

I find a perfect beach in Koh Samui, and just like the images I’d seen online and heard about, it’s truly stunning. The locals are gentle and friendly.

The sun, sea, salt, lagoons, coconuts, mangoes, pineapples, and palms feed my soul, and maybe this here is where I can really heal.

And forget him and forget us.

I have to stop thinking about him. I cannot go on like this, and it is unhealthy.

I write fast, and with flow, and I push through much of novel two. Finally, its feel, tone, and style are in the zone, and I personally feel less of a cold mess.

I love the novel’s cosmic-high-concept realm, and it touches on ‘all is one,’ ‘everything happens for a reason,’ and a few other high concepts… things like in book one.

There is also a guy and a girl, but they are only spiritually connected. They meet and only stay friends. It’s better that way.

Love hurts, and not everyone will find love or even should.

After writing hard for the week beachside, I reach out to Dad, and we do a Zoom call. I emailed him after the book deal, and he was excited. It is however time, again. Dad looks great as Zoom connects, and he is in our old home in Virginia.

“Hey, darling,” he says as he leans against his kitchen island, coffee in hand. “Look, I just finished your book, and I’m proud! So proud, and I miss you.”

I wipe an eye and melt inside.

Deep down, I feel good inside. Kind of… I’m also proud for the first time in my life.

Dad leans in, and he takes in the palms behind me. Then my wet eyes.

“Listen, are you okay, darling? Why the face, and where the hell are you? L.A.? San Diego?”

“I’m… I’m okay,” I mumble. “No, I’m well. Just a bit heartbroken.”

Thinking about Dante just before the Zoom was stupid. No more thinking about him. He hurt me.

“Now, darling, just to put it out there. As you know, I live in Virginia. Home of the CIA. Do you want me to have him killed? I may or may not have ex-military clients.”

I snort laugh. “No, but that’s sweet of you.” We both laugh.

“Next time?”

I nod.

No more love, never again! I tell myself.

Our eyes hold and Dad smiles. It helps.

“You’ve done well with the novel, sweetheart. Your mom would be proud. I love it, and it’s terrific on every level. Especially the end!”

The end again?

What the fuck.

Note to self: read the end. I have still not read it. I was unable to for a while, because it brought up all the pain and chaos from…

“Thanks,” I say, sniffing. “I miss you.” I really mean it, and it’s now all catching up with me.

“I miss you, too, pumpkin. Every day. Where are you?”

“I’m in Thailand, working on the second book. I’ll travel for another month or so.”

Dad grins and leans back. “Again, I’m so proud, darling. Two books and world travel! You really are an amazing young woman!

Something inside makes me feel good and less like a screw up.

“Look, please just travel safe, and remember those martial arts moves I showed you as a teen, okay?”

I nod, and Dad and I promise to talk more. He then tells me Mom would be proud, again. It cuts me up, and I nod, crying. He then forces me to promise to email him each time I change locations.

“Just so I know where my girl is.”

I nod, touch the screen, and sign off. Slumping back in the cane chair, I hear the waves in the lagoon. What a crazy life.

Why could I have not just stayed a miserable virgin in NYC?

Then my path in the universe would have been cut short or contained. And my mad ideas would not flow in the universe and in books. And now… now I’m seeing the world.

Alone… semi-messed up.

I shake my head, stand, and force my energy to be positive. I quickly put the tablet away and tell myself to not wallow in pain. ‘Some never even find love, you dick!’

I glance around, and I’m on a remote beach all alone. My life is not a complete mess, I guess, and I have a small chance to find happiness alone. A dog I can love, and I can get a dog and keep him forever.

I walk into the warm sun, and I inhale the sea air. It’s time for a swim. It’s also time to live and not live in fear. Screw it! Maybe one day I’ll even meet another guy, someone as cool as him.

I pause and look down at my mother’s book that I keep close. It celebrated everything in life, and it’s next to my daypack and my new novel’s notes.

“Thanks, Mom,” I say, lifting her old book.

I hold it against my chest, and I stare across the ocean towards the rest of the world.

It’s a perfectly clear sunny day, and I should be happy. I am also alive. Somehow, I will find my path in the world.

I put the tattered book down, and I walk into the lagoon. I sigh as I stand in the waist-deep water, and I close my eyes. Even if I know I should be happy, I feel alone and confused. I am a third happy, a third nervous, and another third confused about the world.

Will I ever find love again? Or is love like fire or a blade?

Exciting, dangerous, and cruel.

And is it safe or designed to hurt?

Dante’s eyes come to me, and I shake my head and dive under the water. Screw him and his possession of me. I need to purge him from my mind, forever. It’s unhealthy. He is unhealthy… No one should be that… charismatic. And no one should be able to make me come that much and that hard.

Forget him.

Forget him.

Forget him now!