Page 110 of When We Ignite

“What do you mean I’m weird about my space?” I asked, reaching in my nightstand for the cigarette pack and a lighter.

“Your apartment doesn’t look lived in,” he explained.

I nodded, opened the balcony door in my room, and walked outside. I sat on the chair, tugging on his hand to get him to join me and rest his back against my chest.

“That’s usually how they look, even when I’m living in them,” I admitted, lighting a cigarette and offering it to him before sparking another for myself.

“You sure you don’t want me to take off?” Ethan asked, leaning back against my chest, taking an effortless drag.

I wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer. “No, darling. I’ve already told you—I like having you in my bed,” I said, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“You don’t mind me making a mess of your space?”

I laughed, exhaling smoke as I whispered, “No. You’re the prettiest thing I have in here.”

He clicked his tongue, a teasing smile playing on his lips. “Are you ever going to treat me like a person and not a possession?” he asked, shifting to settle more comfortably against me.

The sun was just beginning to rise, painting the sky in soft hues of blue, though the world was still cloaked in early morning shadows.

“I’ll treat you like a prince, which is what you are to me,” I replied, holding him closer. “I’ll spoil you, praise you, and lavish you with gifts—both in and out of my bed.” I pressed a kiss to his temple.

“You’re a corny neat freak,” he said, his voice light with humor.

“You forgot creep,” I added, chuckling.

He laughed quietly, taking another drag from his cigarette. “That too,” Ethan agreed. “You know, this is easier than I thought,” he added after a beat.

“What is?” I asked, kissing his hair before exhaling another stream of smoke.

“Doing this with you,” he clarified, glancing up at me. “When I first met you, I was terrified of talking to you. I figured I’d have nothing interesting to say, or anything worthwhile, but you made it easy. This…is just like that. I was so scared I wouldn’t know what to do or that I’d fuck it up, but you’ve made it easy too.”

“I thought you kept refusing me because you weren’t sure if you wanted it.”

“I guess that too,” he admitted, his voice quieter. “But mostly, I just didn’t want you to stop liking me.”

Something tightened in my chest at his words.

“You were right about letting me take the lead,” he continued. “It’s easier. I don’t think I’d be able to do this with anybody but you.”

“Be with a man?” I asked gently.

He shrugged, his smile returning faintly. “A much older man,” he said, making me chuckle. “Don’t you find me incredibly dull?” he asked, a flicker of uncertainty crossing his face.

“I find you incredibly entertaining,” I told him firmly, taking one last drag before crushing the butt in the ashtray. I freed my hand and wrapped it around him again, pulling him closer.

“You find me attractive, not entertaining,” he argued.

“No, I meant what I said. I like talking with you, Ethan—not just touching you. That’s why I want us to be friends after this is over, and it’s not just because we have to be cordial for Oli’s sake.”

Ethan took another drag, falling silent for a while. “Maybe that part won’t be so easy.”

I hummed, looking out at the city sprawled before us. I knew this was coming. I wasn’t naive. Ethan could talk big, but he was still young, and young people tended to be unguarded with their feelings.

“No, it won’t,” I admitted, “but I’ll try to make it so.”

It wasn’t the reassurance he wanted, and I could tell by the way he turned away from me, his shoulders stiffening slightly. This would be the hardest part—bringing us down every time we found ourselves this close, reminding him why we couldn’t be more.

I hated the thought of stopping this. Stopping us.