Page 28 of When He Fights (Protector & Defender #3)

Chapter Fifteen

No, no, fucking, no.

Kane jerked away from Ana. He stumbled back. Got the hell away from the bed because he was not going to push her. He was not going to take her. He was not doing this now.

Ana’s eyes opened. Her cheeks were flushed. Her lips swollen from his kiss. All he wanted in the entire world was to go back to her. To pull her against him. To kiss her again. To take her until they both drove into the hardest orgasms of their lives.

But she was wrong about him.

“I am a killer.” A low growl. Ana needed to ditch the rose-colored glasses where he was concerned.

If she wouldn’t ditch them, then he would have to smash them for her.

“It’s what I’m good at. Baby…” He looked at his hands.

The hands that had touched her. The hands that he always tried so hard to be careful with—especially when he was around Ana.

His hands had killed.

“You can pretend I’m something else.” Everything seemed pretend these days.

Maybe because Gray was always tossing out cover stories left and right.

When you played enough roles, sometimes, it got hard to remember who you really were.

What you really were. “But when you strip everything else away, I’m the man who was trained to kill.

I’m the man who has eliminated threats that should not be walking this earth.

” An exhale. “I have killed people, Ana.” No sugar-coating.

Just a blunt and brutal truth. “I went on missions. I did the jobs. I knew the risks. Once, I…I was in a place that was as close to hell as you could get. The world was on fire around me. It was kill or be killed, and I beat a man with my hands until he stopped fighting back.”

Her eyes widened. Her lips hung open in shock. Surprise.

Horror?

“I could tell you that he was evil. That he’d bombed a hospital.

That he’d killed innocents. That he was planning to kill more, and if he’d gotten out, if he’d detonated one final explosion, more than a dozen lives would have ended that day.

” A swallow. “I could tell you that he’d sliced me with his knife.

Shot me in the back. That we were down to hand-to-hand combat and that every second counted.

Life or death. I could tell you all of that, and it would be true, but here is something that is true, too.

” A ragged exhale. “I didn’t hesitate. I killed him with my bare hands.

I survived. I did whatever was necessary, and it’s not the first time I’ve had to kill.

Not the last, either. My government sent me on missions because sometimes, you do work off the books in order to protect the greater good.

Sometimes, you take a fucking sledgehammer, and you send him out because that is what has to be done.

You see, that’s what I am. Brute force in its most savage and basic form. ”

“Kane…”

“You really think I’m going to let Logan Catalano go back in a cage?

” The question that he shouldn’t have asked, but they had to stop pretending.

The longer they pretended, the more stupid hope he had.

But there shouldn’t be hope, not for him.

Because she would not want forever with him.

She’d had enough of monsters. “Do you really think that I’ll ever risk him getting out and coming after you again? ”

He shouldn’t touch her. He shouldn’t.

But he did.

He crept back toward the bed. His hand extended. And he touched her on her side. Through the soft shirt. His hand hovered over the scar that would always mark her. “He should have been dead that night. I let him live because of you.”

“I asked you to stop.”

No, she’d begged him to stop. “You said I wasn’t a killer.”

Her hand covered his as it pressed to her side. “You’re not. Fighting in self-defense doesn’t make you a killer. Fighting so that you can stay alive doesn’t make you a monster.”

“I stopped that night with Logan not because you begged me, but because I didn’t want you to see the truth of what I was. I liked it too much when you looked at me and you said you were falling in love with me. I knew you didn’t love me, of course. Not really.”

She blinked. After a beat, her hand fell away from his. “Of course.” Her voice had gone wooden.

“But I liked it. I liked the way I felt when I stared into your eyes. You looked at me, and…no one had ever quite looked at me the way you did.” You’re still not telling her the full truth. You’re not telling her…

You stopped because you hoped that, deep down, she might really love you one day. That it might be possible. That it might be real.

But if she’d seen him kill, that hope would have died.

The hope was dying because… “I’m not going to stop, Ana. Logan has to be eliminated. He’s coming after me. He’s coming after Gray. He’s coming after you.” Can’t happen. “I will kill him, and, when I do, you will see me for exactly what I am.”

“Saving someone doesn’t make you a monster!”

Ah, but she hadn’t seen him kill yet, had she?

“I knew I shouldn’t have fucked you,” Kane said. All along, he’d known it would be better to never cross that final line. But he’d wanted her too badly. A bit of heaven to hold close all the days when he would be in hell.

Ana flinched. “Fucked.” A nod. “That’s what it was. Fucking.” Another nod.

The best fucking of my life. “Sometimes, you want something so much that your control breaks. Then you damn the consequences and take what you want.” He was still touching her. His fingers lightly caressing the scar that he hated.

He backed away. Again. “My control is close to breaking with you.” Barely holding on by a weak thread.

“Kane…”

“It’s dangerous, don’t you see that?” Didn’t she understand?

“To give a man what he wants so much, but to make him know that he can’t ever really have—” Kane stopped.

“You’ll see me for what I am. Because I will kill Logan.

Those shots fired in the house could have gone through me.

They could have hit you. Even as I shoved you to the floor, all I could think was that I was moving too slowly.

That I was too late. You were going to die, and if you’d died in my arms…

” His hands fisted. “Do you think I would have made his death quick? Or do you think I would have taken my time beating the hell out of him until every bone in his body was broken?”

A faint squeak emerged from Ana.

Nothing else. Just the breathless, squeaky sound of shock. Kane knew he’d stunned her. Hadn’t that been the point? To make Ana afraid…of him. To make her realize that she had to pull back. That she needed to stay the hell away from him.

Fucking rose petals were all around her. Was that some dumbass joke from Gray?

Honeymoon suite, Kane’s ass. He’d never have a honeymoon with Ana. Never have a life with her. Never have the closely kept secret dream of a family with her.

But I will love her until I die.

The deepest, darkest secret that he carried. He’d loved her for over two years. He’d love her until he died.

“You need to get some sleep, Ana.” Stilted. Gruff. “I’ll bunk on the couch.”

“You’ll be way too big for the couch.” She remained on the bed.

“Then I’ll sprawl on the floor. I’ve slept in far worse places than the Royal Suite.” Honeymoon suite. He exhaled. “You’ll be safe in here. You have to be exhausted.”

“So do you.”

“To get to you, any attacker will have to come through me.” He turned away from her. Marched for the bedroom door. “An attacker would have to get past me and past the two FBI agents in the hallway. You are safe.”

“Kane.”

His shoulders tensed.

“I know what you are.”

No, she had this romantic image of him. The bodyguard. The protector. “Even killers can do an occasional good deed.”

“And even heroes can get pulled into the darkness sometimes.”

Now he did glance back at her, stunned.

“I used to have a thing for bad boys. Boys .” She shook her head, as if mocking the term. “Seems silly now. When I much prefer strong men.”

He would not go to her. Even though every cell in his body yearned for Ana.

“I know exactly what you are, Kane Harte. I just wish you knew, too. Do me a major favor? Stop seeing yourself as the villain. Villains don’t protect the way you do. If you were as twisted as you’re trying to claim, you would never be here with me.”

Oh, she still didn’t get it. A smile pulled at his lips, and he knew it was savage. “Oh, Ana, you don’t understand me at all.”

A faint line appeared between her eyes. “Then make me understand.”

“I’m here because you’re my obsession.” No, she was so much more. “And no one hurts what belongs to me.”

Then he left the room. Had to leave because if he’d stayed there even five seconds more, he would have gone back to that bed. Kissed her. Taken her.

You are my obsession.

Screw that lie. She was his whole world.

The bedroom door closed.

Ana remained crouched on the bed. The rose petals stuck to her clothing. She batted them away even as Kane’s words rang in her head.

You are my obsession.

She didn’t want to be an obsession. Not for Kane.

She was Logan’s obsession. Hadn’t Emerson said those same words? Logan viewed her as a possession. Something that he would not let go. He’d even kill to punish her.

But Kane…

Kane will kill to keep me safe.

And, honestly, she was really over Kane’s bullshit. Two years over it.

Eyes narrowing, Ana climbed from the bed. She ignored the rose petals that fluttered around her. She ditched her shoes. Her jeans. Her shirt. Clad in only her bra and panties, Ana squared her shoulders.

Kane had been positively adorable with his dramatic exit. All intense and dark and dangerous.

Did he not get how hot she found that to be? How hot she thought he was?

Didn’t he understand her at all?

Maybe it was time to make the man understand. She’d put her pride on the line two years before. Why the hell not go for round two? Especially when the reward was so high.