Page 26

CHAPTER 26

EVIE

Megan’s parents end up coming with us, so Parker leads all four of us into the lower levels of the Summit. Juno is front-facing in her sling by this point, something I’m grateful for because she is a very good security blanket. As long as I have to worry about her, I can’t let my panic over Alec’s injury consume me. The game is over by the time we make it downstairs, so when Parker takes us to a family room, where players can meet friends and loved ones after the game, it’s already starting to fill up.

“Okay, Eric says you can come back,” Parker says. She looks at the four of us. “Well, not all of you, probably.”

Alec’s mom steps up beside me. “Evie, honey, give me Juno, and you go be with Alec. We’ll take the baby home and get her to bed so you can focus on him.”

“And drive him home,” Megan says. “If it’s his knee, he might not be able to drive.”

“Are you sure?” I say, my hands lifting to Juno’s back. I hate the thought of sending her home without me, but since I nursed her in between periods, she never used the bottle I packed. And there’s a portable crib at Alec’s that he purchased so she’d always have a place to nap at his house. There’s no reason why Megan and her parents can’t handle getting Juno to bed without me.

“We can totally handle it,” Megan says. “Just promise you’ll text me updates.”

I unstrap Juno and kiss her on the forehead before handing her over to Alec’s family. Then I follow Parker down the hall to where a man in an Appies polo is waiting outside a room labeled Medical Suite.

“This is Eric, one of the Appies trainers,” Parker says to me. “He’ll help you from here.”

I reach up and give her a quick hug of thanks before she disappears down the hall. Then I turn my full attention to Eric.

“He’s totally fine,” he says when we make eye contact. “Just a little grouchy.”

I nod as I follow him into the suite. Alec is on a table in the middle of the room. In any other situation, I might flush to see Alec in nothing but a tiny pair of compression shorts, but given the moment, my eyes barely skate over the dips and curves of his muscles, only logging the many ways he’s battered and broken.

His knee is propped up on the table, wrapped in ice, and the left side of his face is puffy and bruised to a mottled, deep blue, a line of stitches stretching downward through the center of the bruise. There’s another grapefruit-sized bruise on his torso, this one wrapping around his ribs to his back.

My heart clenches at the sight of him like this. He’s played a lot of games since we started officially dating, but I’ve never seen him this torn up.

Behind me, the door finally clicks shut, and Alec opens his eyes, noticing me for the first time. His expression shifts into something soft as he takes me in, then he lifts a hand, stretching it toward me in invitation.

I glance at Eric, who nods his permission, and I dart forward, slipping Alec’s hand into mine.

“You’re here,” he says, giving my hand a quick squeeze.

“Of course I’m here.” I lift his fingers to my lips and press a kiss against his knuckles.

“You’re brave,” he says. “I smell terrible.”

“Like you just played a hockey game,” I say, because he really does smell pungent. “But it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

He leans his head back and closes his eyes. “Where’s Juno?”

“Your family took her home,” I say. “Which means you’re my ride, so I hope you don’t have big plans.”

“Assuming I can even drive,” he says with a slight edge to his voice.

I squeeze his fingers. “What happened?”

He tilts his head to look at me, lifting one arm and tucking it behind his head. “I heard a pop,” he says. “The doctor’s checking the x-ray now, but I’ll need an MRI to really see what’s going on.”

There’s a distance to his voice that worries me—like he’s here, but he’s not really here. Not that I would expect anything different when his entire career could be on the line.

There are so many things I want to know. How he’s feeling. How long his recovery might be. If he’ll need another surgery. If he’s scared, frustrated, angry. I want to know if something happened before the game. Why he didn’t start. Why he was skating like he was legitimately out for blood.

But I don’t ask him any of those questions.

I doubt he’s in the right headspace to answer me honestly, and we aren’t alone anyway. Right now, my job is to just be here. Be whatever support he needs.

“You played quite a game out there,” I say, and he huffs out a strangled laugh.

“A lot of good it did me.”

“But it did do good. The Appies won, you had two assists, you were a machine?—”

“Until I wasn’t,” he says sharply, cutting me off. “And now I’m out for how long? For surgery, recovery. And for what? To keep playing when every day, there are stronger, faster, younger players who deserve my spot on the team more than I do.”

“Don’t talk like that,” I say gently. I lift my hand to the good side of his face. “You’re such an asset to this team.”

He closes his eyes, his jaw tensing. “But I’m not,” he says. “Tonight, I played like I should always play, and my body couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t handle it.”

“But it’s not your fault. Your knee?—”

“Evie,” Alec says gently. He lifts his hand to mine, pressing a kiss to the center of my palm before tugging it away. He winces as he shifts and props himself up on his elbow. “Thank you for trying to make me feel better. But you have to leave this alone. Words can’t fix it. Nothing can.”

My heart squeezes, hating the pain etched along his brow, hating that I really can’t take this away from him. “I know. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to fix anything. It’s just hard to see you hurting.”

Eric returns and adjusts the ice packs on Alec’s knee. When he pulls them away, the swelling and redness is visible even to my untrained eye.

“Listen,” Alec says, reaching for my hand. “I still need to shower and talk to Dr. Samuelson, so I’m going to be a while. If you find Nathan, he can get my keys for you. Just take my truck. I’ll have one of the guys drive me home.”

“I don’t want to leave you here,” I say, my words laced with a panic I wish I didn’t feel. Logically, I know it’s probably not helping him to have me hovering, worrying. But it doesn’t feel right to just walk away either.

He squeezes my fingers, pulling them up to his lips. “I just have to figure this out,” he says. “And you’ve got a lot to think about right now. With Thanksgiving and Megan visiting and Devon coming. I don’t want you to get wrapped up in worrying about me.”

I’m not sure what Alec is implying because none of those things he just mentioned are as important to me as he is. And one of them isn’t an issue at all.

“Devon isn’t coming,” I hear myself say.

It’s a stupid thing to say. Totally irrelevant to the moment. But my brain must have its own agenda because those are the words that come out of my mouth.

“What?” Alec says.

For the first time tonight, his eyes are locked on mine and he’s fully present, concern etched in his expression.

“He’s not coming,” I repeat. “He’s going to California instead.”

Alec breathes out a sigh, then leans his head back, tilting his face away from me. “I’m really sorry, Evie,” he says. “Juno deserves better.” He winces and shifts one more time, letting out a low groan as he tries to readjust his knee. Just in the few minutes I’ve been standing here, it seems like his pain has gotten worse.

Before I can say anything else, the trainer, Eric, moves back into the room with an older man I assume is Dr. Samuelson. I take a few steps backward, making room for them, then move all the way to the door.

The doctor is talking to Alec now, but his back is to me, and he’s talking quietly enough that I can’t hear what he’s saying.

I hate to leave, but it also doesn’t feel right to stay. I watch as the doctor steps back, then all three men turn to look at me. Alec says something to Eric that I can’t hear, then Eric nods before he walks toward me.

“Come on,” he says. “I’ll get his keys for you.”

I cast one final glance at Alec, who is sitting up now, his attention focused on the doctor, then I turn and follow Eric into the hallway.

“You’ll have to be patient with him,” Eric says, as if sensing my disquietude. “He’s in a lot of pain, but an injury like that is a pretty significant mental blow too.”

“I’m sure.” I swallow against the knot of emotion in my throat, wishing I could run back into the room and throw my arms around Alec, tell him he’s going to be okay. That I’ll make him okay just by sheer force of will. “Eric, will he ever play again?”

Eric frowns, glancing at the med suite door like he’s considering how much he should say out loud. “We won’t know anything for sure until after the MRI,” he says, “but I doubt he’ll be back on the ice anytime soon. With everything that knee has already been through…”

“Maybe not at all?” I finish for him.

He holds my gaze. “Either way, if he’s rehabbing to come back or…dealing with early retirement, he’s going to need a lot of support.” He motions down the hall toward the family room. “If you want to wait in there, I’ll bring you his keys. It’ll just take a minute.”

Gracie and Summer come over to greet me as soon as I step into the room. I give them both hugs and tell them what little I know about Alec’s condition, but I’m too anxious to talk much beyond that. As soon as Eric shows up with Alec’s keys, I say goodbye, promising to text updates, then make my way out to the player parking lot.

I sit behind the steering wheel in Alec’s truck for a long moment, but I can’t bring myself to start the engine. I know Alec told me to go, and maybe it was right for me to leave him to his doctor’s care. But that doesn’t mean I have to leave him altogether.

It’s a risk. I don’t want to be pushy. But I do want him to know he can count on me. That I’ll listen whenever he’s ready to talk.

Eventually, I start the truck, if only to keep warm. It’s late November, and the temperature has to be close to forty degrees outside, but I stay warm enough with the heat on.

Eventually, the Appies players start to leave the Summit, one or two at a time as they head to their cars. Fans stand behind a barrier at the edge of the sidewalk, and a few of the guys go over to sign autographs and say hello. But as the flow of players leaving for the night slows and eventually stops, the fans give up, and they leave too.

I’m just starting to wonder if Alec left through a different door when he finally emerges from the Summit, flanked by Nathan and Felix with Theo and Carter directly behind them.

I quickly climb out of the truck, heart pounding in my chest, and stand outside the driver side door.

Alec’s knee is braced, his gait stilted and slow, but he’s at least walking on his own, which has to be a good sign. Nathan and Felix stay close to Alec, hovering like they’re worried he might need steadying. Alec does okay until they reach the three steps that lead off the sidewalk into the parking lot. Here, he reaches for Felix’s shoulder, using him as a crutch as he maneuvers his way down to flat ground.

As soon as they reach the pavement, Alec looks up and finally spots me standing beside his truck.

His expression softens as he slowly makes his way forward, his friends staying close until he’s right in front of me.

“You’ve got him from here?” Nathan asks me, and I nod.

“We can help,” Theo says, eyes on his captain. “Drive his truck. Whatever we need to do.”

I hope Alec realizes that his friends are here because of how much he means to them. There are so many people in his life who will stand by him through this, no matter what happens.

Alec looks at me. “It’s all right,” he says without breaking eye contact. “Evie’s got me.” The twins nod and head to their truck parked on the other side of the lot.

“We’ll see you at home,” Carter calls.

Nathan and Felix leave next, but not before each of them moves up to Alec and gives him a hug. Not one of those half bro hug things guys do. Real hugs.

As soon as his friends have moved away, Alec closes the distance between us and melts into me, pulling me against his chest. I wrap my arms around his middle, bracing myself as some of his weight shifts onto me.

“You’re still here,” he says into my hair.

He’s freshly showered, and he smells incredible, familiar, but I’m too distracted by the relief coursing through me to fully appreciate it. I rub my hands up and down his back. “Of course I’m still here. Would you have left me ?”

He huffs out a laugh that I feel more than I hear, his chest lifting once. “Fair point,” he says. When I look up and make eye contact, his lips lift the slightest bit. It’s not quite a smile, but it’s the closest thing I’ve seen tonight, so I’m calling it a win.

“I’m not going to make you talk about it,” I say, holding his gaze. “Not tonight. Not unless you want to. I just wanted to be here.”

He leans down and kisses me, warm and slow. “Thank you,” he says softly.

He’s quiet on the way home, leaning back in his seat, eyes closed, one hand lifted to his forehead. His jaw is clenched, and I wonder what kind of pain he must be in. He has to be medicated, but it doesn’t look like it’s doing him much good.

Because I told him I wouldn’t, I don’t ask him any more questions about how he’s feeling, so we end up making the entire drive in silence.

Inside, Alec’s parents have already gone to bed, and the rest of the house is dark. The light is on in the twins’ room, but otherwise, there’s no sign of anyone else being awake. I walk with Alec to his bedroom door. “I’m going to go check on Juno, then I’ll come back and help you get settled.”

I disappear before he can protest—because he might—and go in search of Megan.

She’s sitting in the living room, reading by lamplight with Juno’s baby monitor sitting on the side table beside her. She smiles when she sees me. “Hey! You’re back! I tried to get my parents to stay up, thinking Alec might need the morale boost, but then I remembered they’re actually grandparents and that might be elder abuse, so I let them go to bed.”

“I think that’s pretty much all Alec wants to do anyway. How’s Juno?”

“Sound asleep,” Megan says. “She drank her whole bottle and went straight to sleep like a champ.”

“Perfect. Thank you for taking care of her.”

“Do you want to just leave her here tonight? Her portable crib is in the guest room I picked for myself. She’s welcome to stay in there with me.”

I look at my watch. I hate to wake her up just to drive her home when she’s already asleep. And she has been sleeping longer and longer lately. Now that she’s had a bottle, she might even sleep through till morning. If she does, and I don’t pump before then, I’ll be miserable by the time she wakes up, but I don’t have my pump with me, and I’d rather stay here and risk being uncomfortable than leave and have her wake up when I’m not here to feed her.

“If she stays, I stay,” I say. “She might sleep all night, but she might not, and since she’s out of bottles, I’m all she’s got.”

“Sleepover?” Megan asks, hope in her eyes. “Just like old times?”

“Fine. But I have to go check on Alec first.”

I find him sitting on the edge of his bed, phone in his hand. He looks up as I enter the room and tosses the phone onto the comforter behind him. His injured knee is still braced, his leg extended out in front of him, but he makes room for me anyway, pulling me into the space between his knees so he can wrap his arms around me. He drops his head onto my chest, and I lift my hands to his hair, slowly massaging my fingers into his scalp.

“What do you need?” I ask. “Drugs? Water? Something to eat?”

“Just you,” he says simply, and my heart squeezes in my chest.

“See, the trouble is, I’m not made of calories, and you just burned about a billion in your game. Let me fix you something to eat before you sleep.”

His arms tighten around my waist. “I’m too full of painkillers to eat,” he says. “I’ll just have a big breakfast in the morning.”

“Let me help you get settled, then.” I take a step back and study him. “The brace stays on while you sleep?”

He nods. “But I can sleep in these.” He pats the top of his thigh.

“Good. That’s easy. Shoes off, then.”

It takes a few more minutes of Alec begrudgingly allowing my assistance before his coat is off, his teeth are brushed, and he’s finally situated in bed, his knee propped up on two extra pillows.

“I don’t want to wake Juno this late, so I’m staying here tonight,” I say. “I’ll be here in the morning.”

He reaches for my hand, tugging me closer, so I sit down on the edge of the bed beside him.

His thumb runs across the tops of my knuckles as he tucks my hand against his chest, then puts his own hand over mine, like he’s holding me in place. “Stay with me?” he asks, his eyelids heavy, almost half-closed. “Just to sleep. I just…don’t feel like being alone.”

I lean down and kiss him because it feels impossible to do anything else. “Okay,” I whisper against his lips. “Just give me a quick sec.”

In a matter of minutes, I’ve found a pair of Alec’s pajama bottoms to replace my jeans, washed my face with the hand soap in his bathroom—a decision I will possibly regret in the morning—and claimed a spare toothbrush from his bathroom drawer to brush my teeth.

Luckily, since it’s Thanksgiving week and I knew Megan and her parents would be in town, Victoria isn’t expecting me to work tomorrow, so staying over really shouldn’t be a big deal. But since I left Megan with Juno’s baby monitor and an expectation that I’d be sleeping upstairs in her room, I have to at least let her know my plans have changed.

Evie

Slight change of plans. I’m staying with Alec tonight. If Juno wakes up, will you bring her to me?

Megan

Sure. But if I walk into my brother’s bedroom holding your baby and find you touching each other AT ALL, I might throw up in Juno’s hair. Just remember that when you pick your spot on the bed.

Evie

Noted.

Thanks for watching her for me.

Megan

Thanks for watching out for Alec. I’m glad he has you.

“Who are you texting over there?” Alec asks.

“Just Megan,” I say as I drop my phone on his nightstand. “She’s got Juno in her room with her, but she says she’ll bring her to me if she wakes up.”

Alec lifts his arm in invitation, and I shimmy up the bed until I’m cradled in the curve of his shoulder, my head on his chest.

He lifts his head enough to kiss my forehead. “I’m sorry to make things harder on you,” he says.

“Yeah, this is pretty horrible,” I say, as I snuggle a little deeper into his mattress. “A real strain.”

We’ve been quiet so long, I’m wondering if Alec has fallen asleep when his voice cuts through the stillness. “Can I make a confession?” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Mmhmm,” I say sleepily.

He takes a long, slow breath. “I’m really glad Devon isn’t coming for Thanksgiving. Is that bad? Because I’m also sad he isn’t coming. At least for Juno. Does that make sense?”

I lift my head and prop my chin on his chest. A streetlight outside filters in through the blinds, making it just bright enough for me to see the outline of Alec’s profile, but there’s no way to see his expression.

“It makes sense,” I say. “It’s exactly how I feel too.”

I drop my head again, nestling into Alec, and listen as his breathing slows and steadies.

I have a lot of things to be happy about right now. Megan and her parents are here. Juno is healthy and happy. Alec and I are together.

But ever since I read Devon’s text, a knot of uncertainty has rooted itself into my gut. I don’t want to live with a question mark hovering over us all the time. Will Devon come? Will he not? Will he finally decide to grace us with his presence? It’s not fair to me, and it isn’t fair to Juno, but it isn’t fair to Alec either.

Devon shouldn’t get to just show up when it’s convenient for him and claim his place as Juno’s father. Juno deserves a father now, one who knows how important she is.

Once I’m sure Alec is fully asleep, I push myself up and carefully reach across him to grab my phone from his nightstand, making sure not to touch one of the many places on his body where he’s bruised.

With phone in hand, I lean back onto the pillows beside him and pull up Devon’s text.

I take a steadying breath, then type out a reply I should have sent him a long time ago.

Evie

I can’t live with the uncertainty of your involvement hovering over us. You’re either here for her, engaged and present and connected, or you aren’t. Juno doesn’t need a father who only shows up when it’s convenient. I won’t put her through it, Dev. I won’t let you break her heart. Please. Don’t come. Not now. Not in a few weeks. Just let us move on.