Page 54
Story: What Kind of Paradise
53.
Anon2993 Lionel?
SFWired1 Who’s this? Do I know you? I don’t recognize the username.
Anon2993 It’s Jane. Or Esme. Whatever you want to callme.
SFWired1 …
Anon2993 Hello? Lionel? Are you still there?
SFWired1 Yes. Sorry. Just a little shell-shocked. I didn’t expect to see you here again.
Anon2993 I haven’t been online much lately.
SFWired1 Where the hell *have* you been?
Anon2993 Um, haven’t you been reading the papers?
SFWired1 Well, yes, obviously I know about the trial. It’s all over the news. I read that you’re going to be the prosecution’s key witness?
Anon2993 It was part of the immunity deal that my lawyer negotiated when I turned myself in. I had to give them all the evidence I had and take them to my father. And then I had to agree to testify against him.
SFWired1 …Ouch.
Anon2993 At least I won’t be going to jail. Though sometimes I think that this might feel worse than that.
SFWired1 Right. But—why haven’t you gotten in touch with me before now? It’s been months.
Anon2993 I thought you wouldn’t want to hear fromme.
SFWired1 I’ve been trying to find you. You just…disappeared. When I got back to Signal your desk was empty and no one had a forwarding email address and you’d moved out of your sublet. I even left a message for your lawyer—Rhona something?—when I found her name in the paper, but she didn’t return my call.
Anon2993 I’m sorry. I figured you hated me. You went to jail because of me. It was my fault.
SFWired1 You’re missing a critical part of that equation. I was in jail because I *didn’t* hate you. I did that to protect you. An impulsive move, and yeah, I didn’t really think it through. But it came from a place of genuine concern.
Anon2993 So you don’t resent me now? For the fact that you have a criminal record?
SFWired1 Hardly. They let me go right after you turned yourself in. False confession, not such a big deal in the end. They had bigger fish to fry.
Anon2993 I’m glad. And I’m sorry.
SFWired1 It’sOK.
Anon2993 …
SFWired1 …you still there, Esme?
Anon2993 Yeah. That’s it, I guess. I just wanted to apologize. Take care, Lionel.
SFWired1 Wait.
Anon2993 …what?
SFWired1 I want more than that.
Anon2993 ??? I’m not sure what else I have for you. I wish I could offer you money or something but I’m broke. The last of the cash that I took from my father—it’s gone. I gave it all to a victim’s fund. It turned out that it was all stolen, and I didn’t want anything to do with it once I knew that. I’m working part-time at a coffee shop now. There’s not a lot of people who are eager to hire Esme Nowak, unsurprisingly. So I’m just barely scrapingby.
SFWired1 That’s not what I was getting at. What I meant is, I’m still your friend. I still care about you.
Anon2993 Seriously? After everything?
SFWired1 I mean, you’re still yourself, no matter who else you turned out to be. There’s always some essential truth to who a person is, I think, despite all the complicating shit that life piles on top. What’s important is whether you can dig your way through all that crap and find your way to the best part of yourself. I have faith that you can do that. Seems like maybe you *have* done that, already. So, yeah. I’m not going away.
Anon2993 Oh. Wow.
SFWired1 …That’s assuming you don’t want *me* to go away?
Anon2993 Don’t be ridiculous.
SFWired1 :)
Anon2993 OK, then. If we’re friends again, maybe you can help me out with something.
SFWired1 What’s that?
Anon2993 I think that it’s time that I find a new name.
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