Page 54 of What Boys Learn

Then I remembered the apartment as I had left it a half hour ago. Turned upside down, like a tornado had passed through.

Still chewing, Benjamin said, “Can we get going?”

We were down the street when I asked, “You meant what you said, about the beater, though? Because that narrows it down. If there’s a janitor at the pool, they can question him.”

It made sense to me. Someone else. A man. Maybe the janitor. Someone old enough to buy alcohol. Young enough to be stupid. The sort of person Izzy would have been curious about, an opportunity for experimentation and rebellion.

“I don’t know how many crap cars visit that lot, actually,” Benjamin said. “Maybe there are two. Maybe there are ten.”

“But you were telling the truth to the police, about what you heard? Because this could be the most important clue they’ve got.”

He turned to look at me. “Are you going to believe me?”

“Of course.”

“No really. I don’t mean, ‘I’ll believe if it’s convenient.’ I meanbelievebelieve.”

“I will.”

But he’d see, soon enough. I’d held it together as long as I could, the finger in the dike, but too much time alone last night, reviewing everything Benjamin had said and not said in that interview room, had weakened the walls I’d built over the last twenty-four years. I knew and I didn’t know—and not just about him, but about everything. At home, he’d see the proof of my shattered mind. He’d see that I’d betrayed him.

I patted the steering wheel like it had just occurred to me. “We should . . . go to breakfast.”

“I just ate two waffles. I stink. I want to shower. And sleep.”

“After breakfast.”

“I didn’t just get a good report card. I wasarrested. No one celebrates being arrested.”

“No, but—”

“Is that what your parents did when your brother was arrested? Take him out to Denny’s?”

“I don’t want to talk about Ewan.”

“That’s your answer. He isn’t relevant.”

I shook my head. Another lie. Ewan had never been more relevant.

“You left your phone home on purpose,” I suggested, changing the subject, “because you knew they’d find those angry texts.”

Benjamin shifted several times in his seat, pushing away the chest strap. I didn’t expect him to say any more. “Actually . . .”

“Yes?”

“Actually, I didn’t want them to see a naked photo I had of Izzy.”

I tried to keep my eyes glued straight ahead, so he wouldn’t see the shock on my face. “A photo she let you take?”

“No. It was going around school. I just saved a screenshot.”

“That’s why Hernández mentioned blackmail. He already knows.”

“He’s an idiot if he doesn’t. I’m sure Manny mentioned it to him.”

“And that’s what Chandra was talking about. Jesus, Benjamin. So multiple people know you had that photo. Were you blackmailing her?”

“Mom. Really?”