Page 17 of Watch Me Burn (Sanctuary #1)

CHAPTER 16

RED

L ike roaches after the light’s been turned back on, those two loaded words— fated mate —have the power to make our audience scatter.

I didn’t realize how many villagers slipped out of their cottages to catch the entertainment until Conall’s snarl sent the prey shifters scurrying back inside. With my quick glimpse, I don’t think I saw any vampires or their donors, though that makes sense. In Dyea, the vampires keep themselves separate from both each other and the rest of us. It’s the prey shifters who make up their own pack, and though Conall seems to think he’s a lone wolf, he’s definitely the Alpha for the rest of the sanctuary.

Take James. He fought a good fight. He must’ve really been desperate to have any kind of his mate in order to go up against Conall as long as he did. Makes sense. It’s gotta be lonely in Dyea where there are so few options. As far as I know, there are only a couple of mates pairs in the village, and they sought sanctuary together. I don’t think anyone has found their mate with one of the others who were already here.

Has that changed?

Fated mate.

Fated. Mate.

I know what that means. I remember the conversation we had during our first trip through the caves pretty freaking vividly. Conall explained that wolf shifters in particular get one mate. They can choose to wait for their fated partner as long as it takes, or they can choose another partner and bond that partner to them for life.

He made it clear he wouldn’t settle for any less than his fated mate. The more and more I started to fall for him, the more I had to remind myself that it was useless. Wanting a guy like Conall was like falling for a celebrity. You could fantasize over him, but then reality sets in and you know it’s never, ever gonna happen.

How could it? He told me he would know his fated mate the moment they met. His nose would recognize her scent, and his heart would just know that she was meant for him.

It can’t be me. It can’t . Because if it was? Why the fuck has he kept it a secret from me these last couple of weeks?

I remember how I blew it off when Paola made her comments at the canteen. How I thought it was weird that Conall pissed outside of my house, or suggested I take the one closer to his if I needed some space from Elise… Jesus, Elise . How often has he shown that he was jealous of her, only to start changing his long-held grudges against vampires because my best friend is one?

He tried to feed me. He stalked me all over the village, as though eager to keep me safe. Me. Not the rest of the sanctuary, but me .

Because he meant it when he said that he would know it when he found his fated mate.

And then?—

I’ll just have to wait until my mate eventually recognizes that we’re fated to be together.

Oh my God. Is that what he’s been doing? Waiting for me to figure it the hell out?

Well, guess what, Conall? I think I just did.

Luckily for my wolf, I’m a very decisive witch. When I want something, I go for it. To me, Conall was off-limits because he sent out the signal that I couldn’t be his mate.

Now that he’s publicly claimed me? Either he’s lying his tail off to James in some misguided way of cockblocking me, or he’s been keeping something pretty freaking huge from me. Whatever it is, we need to talk.

Reaching out, I snag his hand. For a shifter with immaculate reflexes, he seems stunned when I do, and too slow to stop me. He must’ve let me do it, just like he doesn’t resist at all as I tug on his hand, pulling him away from the center of the village.

The cottage I share with Elise is closer than Conall’s. I don’t go inside in case Elise returned while I was distracted. Instead, I keep on pulling Conall’s hand until we’re standing in the gap between the back of the cottage and the woods behind us.

There’s a large rock back there. I keep marching until we reach it, then finally release his hand.

His fingers flex as though he wants to reach for mine again. He doesn’t, though, and that just confuses me even more.

That confusion turns my tone sharp as I point at Conall’s chest and say, “Explain.”

“Bridget—”

Oh, boy. Whenever he uses my name instead of calling me ‘Red’, I know he’s serious.

I cut him off just in case he’s about to say something I don’t want to hear. “Okay. Mayne I need to clarify what I mean. I was talking to James. You lost your shit. In front of everyone, you told me that I’m your fated mate. Is that true?”

He sucks in a breath.

“Conall. Before you say anything, remember that I can’t tell when you’re lying,” I remind him.

His eyes flash. “I would never lie to you.”

I’m glad to hear it.

In that case, I wait.

There’s that muscle ticking in his jaw again. Sometimes on our way back out of the caves, I make it my mission to see how often I can make him do that. Without even trying, I just did.

“Yes,” he says at last. “It’s true. But this isn’t how I wanted you to find out.”

Obviously.

“Why?” I ask. “Why didn’t you just tell me yourself already?”

“Because you don’t want to be here, Red. In Alaska. In Dyea. With me.”

I should be glad he slipped back into using his nickname for me. But when I think about what else he said… “What? Why do you think that?”

Conall blows a rush of air out through his nose. “From the moment I first saw you, I knew. But I also believed you were human, and that I would scare you out of Dyea if you knew you were fated to be mine. I tried my best to court you the only way I knew how.”

“The conditioner,” I murmur.

He nods. “And meat. I’m a provider. My wolf was insisting that I needed to feed you. To protect you. And when you snuck out of the village the first time, I had to follow you.

“Of course, that’s when I learned that you’re not a human. Not really. You’re a witch, and you gave me the perfect chance to get close to you. You needed a guide in the caves. I was desperate to keep you safe. I would’ve followed you anywhere, Red, and I still will. But you… you want the crystal to find a way back to your old life.” His cheeks hollow, showing off the stubble on his jaw. “And I wasn’t a part of your old life.”

No. He wasn’t. But he’s part of it now, and no matter what happens… if I find the fire opal… if I give up my magic… if the witch hunters find me… I feel better knowing that Conall is in my life.

However, before I can tell him that, he tells me, “I understand that. You don’t trust me. Like you said, you don’t really know me. But I’m a wolf shifter. My instincts are to protect my mate and give her everything she wants, no matter if it means she’ll leave me instead of bonding to me.”

Conall glances away. “I’ve been exploring the caves at night. After everyone is asleep and I’ve reinforced my territorial markings, I’ve searched different caverns. You think I’m not doing what I can to find that crystal. If it made you smile, Red, I’d dig until my claws were fucking bloody to mine it for you.”

My heart feels like it’s being squeezed. “Conall?—”

He’s not done.

“I love you. With the beginning of the mate bond forming as soon as I knew you were mine, it was easy. You’re stubborn. Reckless. You talk a lot, but your voice makes me happy, even when you call me ‘Mr. Grump’. Your scent lights my soul on fire. Your loyalty to your friend is impressive, and I only wish I could earn it for myself. I thought I could, but then James thought he could claim you, and I couldn’t… Red, I just couldn’t. You’re mine. Even if you never agree, I need you to know it.”

Oh. I think I do.

He opens his mouth again. I’m not sure what else there is to say, but there’s only one way to stop him now that my grumpy wolf is on a roll. Going up on my tiptoes, I cup his jaw with my hands so that I can keep him still. Then, before he can jerk out of my light grip, I press my lips to his.

I’m not an idiot. Like how I tugged his hand only because he let me, if Conall didn’t want my kiss, he could easily break free of me. When he doesn’t, I take that as permission to deepen the kiss.

His hands settle on the small of my back, tugging me close. Our chests bump together as I cling to his cheeks, kissing him until I’m breathless.

He wants more. I can sense the heat between us, and if I was secretly worried that now that my fire magic is active, I’d burn him with my kiss, I’m not anymore. After I break the first kiss, he dives back in for the second, and it’s my turn to enjoy the sensation of Conall plundering my mouth with his tongue.

When he pulls away, I search his face.

One second, his expression is full of heat and hope. The next? He goes completely guarded.

His eyebrows draw together. “What was that for?”

“For loving me,” I say simply. “For caring about me. No one… no one’s ever really cared that much about me to go to so much trouble to make me happy. I mean, Aunt Maureen, yeah. And Elise, too. But they’re family . None of my exes would ever do anything like that.”

When Conall’s canine fangs elongate right in front of my eyes, a growl rumbling deep in the chest I was just pressed up against, I know I fucked up.

I’ve never seen him act as possessive as he did when he claimed me in front of James, but that’s nothing compared to the way that he looks at me right now.

I gulp. “Conall?”

“Fated mates are made for each other. The bond forms, and then we have forever to learn each other. I want to know everything about you. About your aunt, and the pottery class where she met her mate. About what it was like in that Fang City with Elise. Your puphood in New York. I want to know it all… but if you care about me at all, you will never mention any of your previous mates in front of me again.”

He sounds so desperate for me to agree that I have no choice. “Okay. But only if you don’t tell me about any of your other girlfriends.”

“That’ll be easy. I told you, Red. I’ve never had one.”

Oh. So he is a virgin…

“So, uh, this mate thing…”

“We don’t have to do anything about it now,” he grates. “We can just forget it.”

Oof.

Really? After everything he just said, he wants me to forget it?

“Can you?” I ask.

His laugh is surprisingly hollow. “Of course not. You’re all I think about. If I’m not in the caves, I’m curled up on the rock outside your house, watching over you. Fuck, I’d scratch at the door like a puppy if I thought you’d answer for me.”

My mouth falls open. It’s one thing to hear that I’m supposed tobe his fated mate. To hear him call out the things about me that frustrate him, and those he likes… those he loves . But for Conall freaking Hunt to be this vulnerable?

“I… never guessed,” I admit softly.

He sighs. “I know, and it’s because I know that I’m fooling myself. I can’t have you. As much as I’ll do anything to have you, it’s your choice… and you won’t choose me. Not yet, at least. And that’s okay.”

“Is it?”

It was a simple question, but Conall reacts as if I kicked him in the nuts. He lets out a frustrated howl, storming away from me, eating up the ground as he stalks toward the woods, his hands fisted at his side before he whirls around again.

“You drive me crazy, Red. Do you know that?”

I’m glad it’s not just me.

I shrug. “I have that effect on a lot of people.”

Relaxing his hands, he runs his fingers through his hair. “Your scent… your voice. All of it. It drives me absolutely insane .” His eyes turn molten. “I’m trying to be good. I’m trying to not to let me alpha wolf dominate you. But it’s so Alpha damn hard when all I want to do is touch you. Taste you. A kiss will never be enough. I want it all. I want everything. ”

He’s fast. Like, fucking fast . His shifter speed has him near the woods, then suddenly in front of me before I can blink.

I don’t think I realized how big Conall is until right this very moment when he has me boxed in. I stumble backward, the back of my legs hitting the big rock behind me. I fall, landing on my ass.

He stalks closer until he can throw out his hands, bracing one on each side of my hips.

He bows his head over mine, our foreheads touching. “I want to be the only one.”

Can I promise him that?

Is that what he wants from me?

Fated mates mate for life. Wolves mate for life.

Can I give him forever?

I’m into him. There. I’ve admitted it. I like Conall, and if I’m finally being honest with myself, I’ve been dying to kiss him since the day his grumpy ass followed me out of the commissary, carrying the bottle of conditioner he bought specifically for me because I didn’t see it on the shelves, and his shifter ears overheard me griping to myself about it.

Now that’s I’ve had a taste myself, I’m a sure fucking thing. If Conall was a guy I met in Queens or in Clarity, and there wasn’t the whole idea of promising him forever after a booty call, I’d be dragging him up to my bedroom right now and deflowering my growling virgin.

Shit. I’m digging the idea of being the only one for him way more than I should, but there’s one problem: Conall can tell when I’m lying. If I’m anything less than one hundred percent certain that I can give him what he’s asking for, I can’t say ‘yes’.

He doesn’t expect me to.

“You don’t have to say anything now. It’s why I kept it to myself. I’m a wolf shifter, Red. I’ve always known that my goddess would guide me to the one female meant for me. But you’re not a shifter. Luna, you spent most of your life as a human. You don’t understand the power of a mate bond. That ain’t a knock against you, either. There are plenty of human mates. But if I wanted to keep you… I needed you to choose me. Not because a goddess told you, too, but because you saw me as a worthy male.”

Conall is nothing if not worthy. So he’s got a bit of a temper. So do I, and it’s probably worse than his. So he snarls and he growls and he’s overprotective. It’s better than being treated as if I was disposable.

That’s happened to me more times than I want to admit.

I stay quiet, thinking. Taking my silence as an answer only he understands, Conall pulls back again.

“Nothing has to change. We’ll find the fire opal, if that’s what you want.”

That’s the problem.

Suddenly, I don’t know what I want.