Page 53 of Wasted

She cleared her throat but didn’t look away from the intensity of Cillian’s gaze. “Thank you. But seeing you would only upset him more and give me more to explain.”

“Maybe it’d be good for him to know I’m back in your life.”

She blinked. He made it sound as if they were dating. That would be the worst thing for her father to think was happening right now. “That would only bring up bad memories for all of us.”

Cillian stared at her.

Perhaps she shouldn’t have used such strong wording. She hadn’t meant to hurt or insult him.

Something sparked in his eyes, the flare of heat that used to signal he was attracted to her and about to act on it. “I have a lot of good memories of that time. Of us.” His voice pitched lower than usual. “Can you honestly tell me you don’t?”

She tried to swallow, her throat dry. Memories she hadn’t thought about for years cascaded through her mind. The powerful elation, butterflies, and wonder of her first crush. How he’d made her laugh harder and more often than she ever had. How he’d made her feel special, beautiful, wanted. The happiness she’d felt when she was with him.

Until that night.

The image of her mother, lying in the bed when Victoria had returned home, banished all the other memories from her mind.

She looked away, staring out the windshield at the darkening sky. “That last night overshadows everything else.”

Tension filled the silence between them.

She should go. She reached for the door handle.

“I suppose your father still blames you for that.”

She paused, then moistened her lips. “He doesn’t know.”

“How could he not know?” Surprise lifted Cillian’s tone.

She looked at him, removing her hand from the door. “He wasn’t there when I returned. When…” Her mother died. The words lodged in Victoria’s heart, far from being voiced. But Cillian knew. He was the only one who really knew.

His lowered eyebrows and the gravity filling his dark orbs confirmed that knowledge, that understanding.

But she couldn’t leave him thinking she had lied to her father to save herself, to cover up her disobedience and the worst mistake of her life. “I knew it would upset him more if I told him. And the children needed me so much. I needed to be trustworthy for them, to be like their mom. I had to do everything I could to minimize the trauma and pain for everyone.” If she hadn’t, the family would have fallen apart.

Every time she’d considered telling her father the complete truth of what had happened that night, she had realized it would only harm the family, causing pain and possibly division. Mom would not have wanted that.

It would have been one of those things, like the only B grade Victoria had ever received in school, that Mom would’ve said to keep between themselves to avoid upsetting Dad. Keeping the full knowledge to herself was exactly what Mom would have done and instructed Victoria to do, for the sake of peace in the family.

“That must be a lot of weight to carry by yourself.” Cillian’s softer tone drew her attention back to his face. Concern pulled down the corners of his mouth and furrowed his brow.

Her heart warmed behind her ribs, though it shouldn’t. She couldn’t rely on Cillian or let him become important to her again. That was the very mistake that had led to that awful night.

“Must be a hard burden to keep everyone else happy all the time at the expense of your own happiness.”

“I don’t carry it alone. God helps me to care for and serve others. And I bring my cares and burdens to Him.” Precisely as she should be doing right now.

Lord, please give me the strength to resist Cillian and face my father. The quick, silent prayer infused her cold limbs with energy as peace started to ease the tension in her stomach.

“I had better not keep Dad waiting.” She reached for the door handle again, casting a firm gaze at Cillian that she hoped would silence any further arguments. “Thank you for the ride, but I’ll have Treese drive me home.” She opened the door before he could contradict her again.

“I’ll wait.” His voice caught her as she stood.

She looked through the dimming interior at his grim, handsome face. “Thank you.” She closed the door and swiveled away, pushing her bare hands into her pockets as she hurried through the cold to the house.

At least she had peacefully resolved that situation. Now for the next faceoff with a strong-willed man, one with far less understanding and much greater power.

It wasn’t right. No one should have to carry their whole family starting at the age of fifteen. Especially not someone as good and kind as Victoria.