Page 14

Chapter Fourteen

Lainey

A few hours later, I’m still smiling as I close the dishwasher door and push the button to start it.

“I really enjoyed today,” I say, hanging the dish towel in my hand over the bar on the stove.

“So did I.”

That deep, husky voice gets me every time. Bash would sound sexy saying literally anything. And now, I don’t have to feel guilty for thinking so because I’m single.

I’m still not fully used to it. I never thought I’d be single again. It doesn’t feel bad; it just feels different.

Bash is wiping down the counters and Bruce is curled up on the rug in front of the sink. It’s the first time I’ve been at his house on the weekend. I explored Cleveland to avoid him the first weekend and I was at Mara’s last weekend.

“Your range was everything I hoped it would be.” I smooth a hand over the front of his sleek, high-end kitchen appliance. “I can’t wait to make more sourdough in it.”

He finishes wiping the counters and washes his hands, then takes off his backward baseball cap and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m glad you like it.”

Awareness dances down my spine as he looks at me, his arms folded. I must be imagining there’s an intensity in his gaze. Or maybe I’m mistaking the look of a concerned friend for something else.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“A little tired.” I laugh lightly. “Believe it or not, making sourdough can be stressful.”

He scoffs. “Fuck yeah, I believe it.”

“I’m not usually that bad. But knowing Harry was going to eat it, I wanted it to be my best.”

He comes closer to me until I’m standing with my back against the island counter and he’s right across from me, his back to the kitchen counter.

“Has Shane contacted you?”

I shake my head. “I think he knows that door is closed.”

“And how are you feeling about that?”

I consider. “Pretty good, actually. I’ve been thinking about what this means for me.

I was planning to stay in Ohio, but now.

..” I smile. “Stanford has an incredible program for me to get my doctorate. There’s also a place in Cambridge and one in Israel that are dream research jobs. I can go anywhere.”

Bash’s expression is serious. “Yeah, but...that’s really far away.”

“It doesn’t matter, though. I’m spending this entire year on research, even though I don’t know where I’ll be next semester. I’m seriously considering applying to the Cambridge and Israel places. Why not?”

He takes a step forward, now standing so close I have to crane my neck to keep our eyes locked.

“Don’t run away,” he says gruffly. “I know you’re hurt, but you won’t be proving anything to anyone by running to the other side of the world.”

I laugh lightly. “That’s not it at all, though. I didn’t think I could even consider those places and now I’m not tied down.”

He puts a palm on the island right beside me and then does the same with his other hand, so close now that I can feel the heat of his body. My heart races with anticipation.

“Maybe you need to consider other options.”

My breathing turns shallow. What’s happening here? I’m an empirical person—I like facts and verifiable data more than vibes. But everything in me is telling me that Bash is talking about him .

Facts: he’s so close I can feel him and smell his addictive cologne; he’s giving me sex eyes; he’s looking dead serious as he tells me to consider things that don’t involve me leaving the country.

“Wha...” I clear my throat. “What do you mean?”

His lips quirk slightly. He eases closer to me, sliding a foot between mine. I lean back, gasping as his chest meets mine.

“I know you’re newly single, but I’m saying maybe you’ll consider a real man who knows he’s damn lucky to even have a chance with you.”

He glances at my cleavage and then his eyes flick back up to mine, hunger swirling in them.

I realize all at once what he’s doing, and my heart plummets to my feet. Bash assumes my confidence is in the gutter because of Shane. He wants me to know there are other men out there who will want me.

But this—letting me believe he could ever be one of those men—is messing with my head. That girl who adored him from afar will always be part of me. Maybe she’s an even bigger part of me now that I see how much Bash cares for me as a friend.

Every time he does something sweet, like stock the pantry with Dr Pepper and frosted cherry Pop-Tarts, my stomach does a little flutter. It’s like a cruel sneak peek at what life could have been like if he loved me back.

Cooking together. Long evenings laughing with friends. Quick goodbyes as I rush out the door in the morning, perennially running just on time. Add in great sex, and that’s the dream.

“I don’t know.” I shift and he moves away from the island. “But it’s okay either way, Bash. Really. I don’t need men thinking I’m sexy to know I’m worthy. There’s more to life than that.”

He looks disappointed, like his effort to boost my confidence failed.

“I promise I’m good. I’m actually excited about having my options open. I just want to have fun and research the hell out of the human microbiome.”

He smiles playfully. “Aren’t those one and the same for you?”

“Absolutely. I’m a massive gut enthusiast.”

His smile slides away. “All I’m saying is, keep an open mind. Don’t overlook what’s standing right in front of you.”

Is he...? Damn, why can’t I be as good at reading social cues as I am at reading technical research papers? I’m not brave enough to ask if he means him because the first round of total and complete humiliation was enough.

“You’ve been such a great friend to me since I got here,” I say softly. “Even when I didn’t appreciate it.”

“You’re special to me, Lane.”

My cheeks warm with embarrassment. “Was I the first one to profess my undying love?”

“The only.” His lips quirk with amusement.

“Ha. That’s not true. I’ve been on social media and seen all the women lusting after Sebastian Stone. There are hashtags about wanting to get boned by Stone.”

His smile is sheepish. “Yeah, but that’s just women who look at me and like what they see. They don’t know me.”

I use my hands to slide up and sit on the kitchen island, rolling my eyes. “It must be so hard for you, having women after you all the time.”

“It doesn’t mean anything. When you came to see me that day, to tell me how you felt about me?—”

I bury my face in my hands. “God, no. I thought we had silently agreed to never talk about this.”

“It meant a lot,” he says softly. “Because you know me. But you know there was no way I could reciprocate, right? I was twenty-one and you were seventeen. I couldn’t risk even the image of anything improper.”

Despite my flaming cheeks, I move my hands away and look at him. “I’m willing to talk about this for like forty-five seconds, and that’s it. You never need to apologize, Bash. I was a goofy teenager and I totally get it. You rejected me as nicely as you could have.”

“But you know I couldn’t, right?”

A knot forms in my stomach. Even after all this time, it’s so uncomfortable to talk about this. I won’t let him gloss over the truth, though, no matter how much I want to talk about literally anything else.

“You didn’t want me back,” I say quietly. “It wasn’t that you wanted me back and couldn’t do anything.”

He exhales heavily. “That’s true. But it’s because, at twenty-one, I never would have even let myself want a seventeen-year-old.”

He’s still trying to convince me I’m not a loser no man will ever want. I don’t know why he thinks I need this pep talk.

“Okay, listen,” I say. “I know who I am. I’m not for everyone.

I snort when I laugh hard and I’m a science nerd.

I usually spend less than a minute a day on my hair.

I love reading and watching TV way more than going out.

I’m a good listener. I make a damn good sourdough.

I like taking care of people. If I find a man someday who sees all of this—” I gesture in a circle at myself, “And he happens to be quirky and cute and amazing too, and we get each other, maybe I’ll be in a relationship again.

I know what I deserve. It’s a lot more than what Shane was giving me.

You don’t need to build me up or reassure me. I promise I’m good.”

He nods. “I know you are.”

I slide down from the island. “I’m going to bed. It’s going to be a long week in the lab, so don’t worry about me. I’m helping the professor teach a unit on the research I’m doing, so I’ll have to do lab stuff in the evenings. I’ll be home late every night, and I’ll eat before I get here.”

“I’m starting training camp, so I won’t be around much, either.”

“Who are we leaving in charge? Bruce or Dough Goldberg?”

He grins. “River will be here soon. He’ll be in charge-ish.”

I furrow my brow. “What does that mean?”

“You’ll see. He tried to teach Bruce yoga last year and Bruce took a shit on the yoga mat.”

Bruce thumps his tail on the rug when he hears his name. Or because he’s proud of shitting on the yoga mat.

“So I guess I’ll see you when I see you,” I say.

“Yeah. Don’t let those college guys get hot for teacher.”

“Me?” I laugh. “Did you ever get hot for any of your teachers?”

“No comment.”

“Well, you always did like older women.”

He looks me up and down. “When I was a teenager, yeah. But I’m twenty-eight now. Younger women can be sexy as fuck.”

My heart practically trembles at the thought of him finding me sexy. But that’s not what he’s saying...is it?

I head upstairs, turning to call over my shoulder. “You don’t need to reassure me, Bash. I know someone will be attracted to me again someday.”

“Maybe someone already is.”

Since my back is facing him, I can safely grin so big that my cheeks ache. Whether he’s trying to build my confidence or he’s actually flirting with me, his words are making me warm all over.

And I really like it.