Page 17

Later that same night, the doorman and the head of Valet were standing outside under to portico of the condominium building where Roni lived. They were joking around about the prospects of the Buffalo Bills when the big, black Mercedes-Maybach S580 sped in and stopped at the curb. The valet chief quickly elbowed the doorman because they both knew who that car belonged to. The doorman even looked at his watch. It was passed midnight.

“Do I hear booty call?” he whispered to the valet chief and they both grinned.

But the valet chief hurried over and opened the door for Brax as he got out of his Mercedes, and the doorman ran across the sidewalk and quickly opened the door as Brax walked in.

When Brax walked past the doorman, and before the door had closed him inside the lobby, he could hear the two men snickering like teenagers. But he didn’t give a damn. He and his date didn’t hang around for dinner and left that restaurant after he got off of the phone. The plan was for them to hook up at her place, but he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t even try to do it. The idea that Roni’s great-looking, younger-than-him date could have shown up and she could have been hooking up with another man still riled him. It bothered him deeply.

That was why he ditched his date and met up with friends for drinks at a club. They met up weekly, but Brax rarely showed up. They were astonished to see him tonight. But even though they laughed and talked and had a ball, Roni was still on his brain. What if that guy showed up anyway? What if she was at that very moment making love to a player like him who treated women like a commodity too? Who would treat Roni that way?

Brax couldn’t stop thinking about it. That was why, after hours of hanging out, he left his friends, before the get together was over, and headed to her place. He had to see it for himself. He knew that doorman and valet would gossip their asses off, but that was too bad. He had to see Roni.

Although he purchased the condo for Roni and it was all hers now, she graciously gave him a key to her place the way he had given her a key to his home, but he usually didn’t take advantage of his privilege and barge on in. He wouldn’t disrespect her that way unless he was royally pissed with her. But he used his privilege and went in unannounced this time. Not because he was pissed with her, but because if she was with that guy, he wanted to catch her in the act.

Which was ludicrous on every level and he knew it. They weren’t exclusive like that. They weren’t even an item like that! He had no right to be possessive of her whatsoever. Just as she had no say in what fish he caught. And he caught plenty.

But when he entered her condo, it triggered her silent alarm. Roni, who wasn’t asleep but was sitting up in her bed reading a police procedural on her iPad, quickly pressed the security icon on her tablet to see who had entered. She was also opening her nightstand to grab her gun. But that was when she saw Brax on her security screen. Her heart, that had suddenly began pumping harder, immediately settled back down. And she closed her drawer.

What pissed her off was that he was heading straight for her bedroom. The condo was dark, but it had curtainless floor-to-ceiling windows that allowed the vast lights outside to shine through. But Roni had a suspicion that he would have continued unannounced even if it was pitch-black in there. He appeared to be a man on a mission. And she knew exactly what his mission was.

When Brax first came to the bedroom door, he was surprised to see that the light was on. Which meant she was awake. And he didn’t hear any sounds that would make him think that more than just her was in that room. Which pleased him, but it made him feel foolish too.

Since he was the one caught red-handed, he might as well face the music. He eased into her bedroom.

When he saw her sitting up in the middle of her bed with her back against her headboard, her iPad on her lap, her reading glasses on her face, he knew he had made a big mistake. Roni wouldn’t have slept with a man on the first date anyway. She wasn’t that kind of girl and never would be. What was he thinking???

“Hey.”

Roni didn’t respond. She continued to stare at him.

She was upset, as so she should be, he thought, as he continued walking further into the bedroom. When he got to the side of her bed, she spoke up. “What are you doing here, Brax?”

“I was in the neighborhood,” he started saying with a smile on his face. But Roni didn’t crack a smile. She continued to stare at him as if he’d lost his damn mind.

He got serious. And sat on edge of her bed. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“You wanted to make sure my blind date didn’t come up to my condo and kill me?”

That was a better excuse than the truth, Brax thought. “Exactly,” he said.

“Bullshit,” said Roni. “You eased your ass into my condo to see if I was fucking my blind date. That’s what this is about. He can kill me, but he’d better not fuck me. That’s it, isn’t it, Brax?”

Now Brax’s temper was flaring. “What did you expect me to do? Let some man touch you?”

“Yes! Just like you let all those various women touch you! You don’t consult my black ass on your love life, why would I consult your white ass on mine? If I want to sleep with a man, I’ll sleep with a man. That’s my business, not yours!”

Brax knew she would be pissed, but this red-hot?

“You can’t even commit to trying to change, but you think you can monitor me? You got life bent if you think I’m down with that.”

“Settle yourself down.”

Roni frowned. “You don’t tell me what to do!”

“I’m telling you! Settle your ass down.”

Roni realized the anger now in his eyes was shielding something else. Like embarrassment and hurt. Which caused her to exhale. She knew he wasn’t there to be malicious or nosey. He was there because he genuinely cared for her, despite how clumsily he showed it. She settled back down.

Then an anguished look came over his face. “If only I could somehow change and--”

But Roni was already shaking her head. “No, Brax, no. You aren’t going to change and neither am I. So let’s not play that game. We’re two stubborn, hardheaded individuals that will always be who we are. I remember as a kid helping my mom on some days when she was working at your parents’ house. I would see how you were with your brothers. And even then, you were as hard and stubborn as you are now. You were their big brother, but you ruled over them as if you were their father when you were just a few years older than they were! And I used to see you with so many different women that it was mindboggling to me back then.”

Then she smiled. “My mama knew I had a crush on you. Here I was this fourteen year old kid and you were like twenty-seven or something. And every time we saw you with one of your lady friends, Ma would say see there, you think he’s hot stuff? Well so do a hundred other women.’”

Brax was surprised. “Your mother said that to you?”

“She sure did. Because she saw you in action with other girls.”

“I would never treat you like that.”

“She didn’t know what you would do, Brax. All she knew was what she saw. Because that’s how you were. And you’re still that way today.”

“You think I treat you badly?”

“No. Of course not. You try to boss me around all the time. You try to run my life half the time. But you treat me better than any man ever has. As far as it goes,” she added with that dose of real she was known for, and they both shared a quick look.

Brax quickly looked away. Being reminded of who he was never seemed like a good conversation to him.

But Roni kept going. “But guess what?” she said. “I was who I was, too, back then. I was a stubborn child who was going to do what I was going to do and nobody was going to stop me, and I’m still that way now. That’s how I became a cop against my mom’s wishes, your wishes, and the wishes of every friend I’ve ever had.” They looked into each other’s eyes. “We are not going to change, Brax. Let’s just keep it real. Many people change on a daily basis I’m sure. But we aren’t in that category. We just aren’t.”

Then she let out a harsh exhale. “What are we, Brax? Because I need clarity on this. You need clarity. What exactly are we?”

It was the question of the year for him too. And just the thought of something that heavy drained him. He kicked off his shoes and laid down on her bed beside her. She remained sitting up, but he laid down. “It’s a good question,” he said.

“A good question that needs an answer,” she said.

He was on his back staring up at her ceiling. It really was a luxurious place. He was glad he found it for her.

But he knew he was distracting himself from the reality in his face. What were they to each other?

It took another several seconds, but he finally spoke. “I’m afraid,” he started saying, which stunned Roni already. Brax was afraid? He never displayed those kinds of emotions to her before. Not ever. She stared down at his handsome face. A face she’d adored since she was a kid. What was he going to say? What was he trying to say?

He didn’t continue. But she wasn’t letting him off with silence. “You’re afraid of what?” she asked him softly.

There was another pause, but then he spoke up. “I’m afraid that if we attempt to become anything more than what we are now, it could destroy us. Or, more truthfully, I could destroy you . And if I ever destroy you,” he said as he turned his head and looked up at her, “I’m going to be destroyed too.”

Roni’s heart squeezed with a kind of pain that only truth could produce. She knew exactly what he meant. She felt the same way too.

Although he was laying on her side of the bed, she placed her iPad and glasses over on the opposite nightstand and then laid down beside him. She was on her side facing him. He turned onto his side and pulled her into his arms. They were face to face. Both of them had a look of love, concern, and even regret on their faces.

“How do we manage our situationship,” Roni asked, “without destroying each other with this kind of stuff?”

Brax smiled, trying to play off his embarrassing move. “What kind of stuff?”

But Roni wasn’t going to sugarcoat it. “Sneaking into somebody’s house to catch them with somebody else. Because had I been with somebody else, what then, Brax? What then?”

Brax’s smile slowly dissipated into a look strained with sincerity and anguish. “The way I see it,” he said, “is that we have two choices if we’re going to stay together. We’re either going to be friends only, and I mean only , or friends with benefits. And I mean nothing deeper than that.” He stared at her. “Those are our choices.”

Roni had that thoughtful look he loved. Because she wasn’t dismissing it as him attempting to have his cake and eat it too kind of bullshit, but she was accepting it for what it was: Their reality.

“I want desperately to change for you, Veronica,” he continued, “but I know already. I know,” he said as she appeared to be poised to object. “I am who I am. I know. But I still believe I love you enough to change.”

“Brax,” Roni started saying as if to get him to face the truth.

But he was already there. “For a minute,” he said. “I would change for a minute. But then all that crap I carry as my nature will eventually resurface, I’m afraid, and change everything. Because one thing I know about you for sure is that you aren’t going to take anybody’s bullshit. Especially not mine. It’ll devastate you. And if I hurt you, it’ll destroy me. There’s just no best case scenario in this if we try to handle our situation any other kind of way.”

Roni stared at him. “Would you really cheat on me, Brax?”

Brax stared at her. He took her soft hair and wrapped a strand around his finger. “No, baby, I wouldn’t. But it’ll show up in other ways. And resentment will build.”

“And we’ll turn against each other,” said Roni. “Which is worse.”

“Far worse,” agreed Brax.

Roni looked at him. “What’s your choice?” she asked him.

“Friends,” he said. “With benefits. Not having you after having you? There’s no other choice for me.”

Roni smiled, which made him smile. “We finally agree on something,” she said, and a look of relief washed over his face. he pulled her into his arms.

For several long minutes they just laid there in a peaceful silence that suited them. But oddly enough, throughout that entire night, they didn’t take advantage of their benefits. They were still trying to process their new normal. They loved how they felt in that moment and didn’t want to upset the vibe.

Eventually they both fell asleep, and they slept all night.