Page 28 of Venus
Pain is all I know how to feel anymore. It’s the first thing I felt when I woke up, and no amount of morphine makes it go away.
A slow, aching throb wraps around my chest, threads through my ribs, and sinks deep into the bone marrow of my limbs.
I can’t move without pain. I can’t blink without pain. I can’t breathe without pain.
My name is Victoria, and I love you too, Carter Westwood.
I thought I had imagined her saying those words at first. Pain-induced delirium or some shit, but it was real. She was real. And she hasn’t left my side once.
And Jackson is there too, giving me shit about almost dying and scaring him. He’s still in his turnout pants, still streaked in ash and soot like he hasn’t moved in days. He looks wrecked. Red around the eyes, every muscle stretched tight with worry and grief.
The weight of everything comes rushing back to me. Heavy and uncomfortably familiar. I give Jackson a look, and he gives me one right back.
My voice is a thin whisper. “Trevor?” I croak out .
Silence.
Jacks says nothing. His eyes drop, and I feel that dread in my chest before he opens his mouth.
“Jacks,” I croak again. “Where is Trevor?”
His jaw clenched, and his eyes meet mine, even redder than before and brimming with tears.
“He didn’t make it.”
I don’t feel the bed underneath me anymore, just an elephant in my chest, a knot in my stomach, and the sharp slice of unimaginable grief stabbing my chest.
I shake my head the best I can, making my skin burn even worse than it already is. “No,” I say. Not a question. Not a plea. Just pure disbelief. “He…he…he was with me. The flashover hit and if I made it then so did he. Right? Right? You’re…you’re…you’re fucking with me. You’re—”
Alarms start ringing and my chest gives out.
I can’t breathe anymore. I crack open. A sound from another world escapes me, raw and guttural.
My heartbeat monitor goes wild in protest. I begin to try and break free from my place on the bed, causing pain to blossom all over my body, but I don’t care.
I don’t care about the burns or the wires or the machines.
I don’t even care about Jackson or Victoria.
Trevor is gone.
Trevor is gone.
Jackson and Victoria hold me down as gently as they can, trying to tether me to reality when all I want to do is go into the past and try harder to save my friend .
Maybe even die with him.
I give Jackson a pleading look. “Please, Jacks, this is a sick joke. Tell me you’re lying to me.”
His face twists in pain, and that’s when I know he’s telling the truth. My best friend is gone. My brother is gone.
I close my eyes, and the tears don’t stop coming. The nurses administer more morphine and a mild sedative, but it does nothing to ease the ache in my chest.
I stare at the ceiling and cut everything and everyone out. I say nothing to no one. Not even the doctors or nurses coming to check on me. I just give them….nothing.
I’m still here, and he’s not, because I didn’t try hard enough to get him out.
Victoria holds my wrist tightly, grounding me, and I think it’s the only thing keeping me from losing it completely.