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Throughout lunch I ponder what to do, before I reach the most logical conclusion. Shiloh needs to face the consequences for her actions. So, as we finish, I lean on the table and talk quietly.

“Shiloh, if you don’t do what you need to, you are going to be punished. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, Mommy,” she says quietly.

“You have until tomorrow evening to do what is necessary. Before dinner, or else.”

“Yes, Mommy,” she repeats, though she’s lost all the color in her face. Any enjoyment of the meal is also lost, so I call for the bill.

I pay with my credit card, and I think of the boy as I lead Shiloh out. I hope he’s well rested for tonight. What I have planned for him is going to be extraordinary.

I decide to cheer Shiloh up and stop at the local toy store.

She looks up at me hopefully as we exit the car, and I smile. “Pick any teddy bear you want.”

She returns my smile, forgetting her sadness like only a child can. We hurry into the toy store, and she looks around excitedly.

She strolls down the aisles, making sure she weighs all her options. It’s frustrating to see that she can take so much care in selecting a toy, but can’t be bothered to do as I’ve instructed.

I need to go for a run and a shower before tonight. I’ve been neglecting my physical form and I’m going to have to be on top form tomorrow. One way or another.

I’m by no means a muscle-woman, but I can lift a dead body, and that has to count for something. Dead weight is the worst weight to lift.

Shiloh picks out a large white teddy bear that is a bit scruffy looking. He has round glasses on and a bowtie. She comes over and shows him to me. “This is the one I want. His name is Grandpa.”

“Okay, let’s go pay,” I say, leading her to the counter where the clerk is watching us. I pay for the teddy bear, and soon enough, we’re on our way back home. When we walk in, I look at Shiloh and regret giving Kerri the whole day off. But Shiloh is old enough to watch herself while I go run for an hour.

I put her in her room and go change into my running clothes. I tell her I’ll be back in an hour and leave. I start off by jogging slowly, warming up my body. I turn down the road and head towards the nearby park. There are lots of running trails there. The fresh air will help me think.

I turn into the park and jog a little faster. Once I join the running trail, I start to run, keeping my breathing as even as I can. When I get to the center of the park, I stop to catch my breath.

I’m not out of shape, but I can feel that if I leave it any longer, I’m going to lose what fitness I have. I need to start working out every day again. I have gym equipment in the garage; I just need to use it.

I look around at the people using the surrounding trails. There are a lot of couples out walking together or with their children. All talking as though this is the best day of their lives. It’s all a circus act, none of them are genuinely happy. None of them understand what true loss and pain is. Without that, they cannot understand joy and hope.

I look at the nearby coffee cart where people are queuing to get a drink, and I shake my head. Such a cliché thing to do, run until you can have some coffee then run back. So pointless.

I start to jog up my favorite lesser-known trail. I’ll take a shortcut through the trees to get back to the park exit and then continue to run home. I pick up speed and I can feel my heart hammering in my chest as I do my cardio.

Out here in the sunlight, I have to appear to be one of them, but I’m not. I’m not like them. I don’t wear a mask. I don’t lie. If someone were to ask me right out if I did contracts, I would tell them. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I just don’t volunteer that information, because if I’m locked away, who will help the needy?

I turn onto our street and slow down to a walk, breathing hard. I’m sweaty and gross and I see the front door of my house is open and Shiloh is sitting on the front step playing with her Barbie dolls.

“Get inside,” I bark. “You know you’re not allowed out on your own.”

“I was waiting for you,” she protests. She gathers her dolls and goes inside. “I’m sorry.”

I kneel down. “Someone could take you. The world is filled with horrible people, Shiloh. There is only me and you, and then there is everyone else. Do you understand me?”

“What about Kerri?” she asks quietly.

“You know what Kerri is to us,” I say. “I’m going to shower, then I’ll make us some dinner. Then I want you to go straight to bed. That’s your punishment for wandering out front.”

“Yes, Mommy,” she says quietly, going to her room.

I shower and change. Only this time, I dress a little seductively. A set of sexy underwear under a blouse and tight yoga pants. I come out and start on dinner; making us sandwiches from the leftover ham, and then I call Shiloh. When we’re done eating, I tuck her into bed and warn her that she had better go straight to sleep.

I leave through the front door after grabbing the package from my desk. Deciding to welcome the shadows, I walk again tonight. After all, tonight I’m going to feel completely rejuvenated. Tonight is going to be very special. Boy isn’t going to know what hit him, and I think the only thing that could surpass this will be the finale.