Page 20

Veronica

“Y our father’s birthday is tomorrow,” Rose Tanaka, Shiro’s mom, tells him, her gaze fixed on him.

Veronica looks at Shiro, who sits to her left, and shakes her head, unsurprised by his reaction whenever his father is mentioned.

It’s a Sunday evening. Winter break officially started on Friday when they completed their finals. Marlene, luckily, was out of town on Friday as well. Veronica has no idea where the woman went off to. She just came back home from school and saw the sticky note she had attached to the refrigerator. But she suspects she’s embarking on another mission to dismantle a criminal organization. She has done that twice before—leave home for days and come back out of the blues, happy over another successful mission. And those few days of her disappearance, Veronica always had a little peace of mind.

“So?” Shiro’s tone is splenetic as he throws his mother a disapproving look.

Veronica fears there never will be a day where the boy treads into a topic about his father with a friendly atmosphere.

A weak, slightly saddened smile lifts the corner of his mom’s lips. “I know you two are not in a good place yet, but please, call him and wish him at least. He is still your father.”

“With all due respect, this is really unnecessary, mom.” Shiro drops his chopstick angrily. “Why do I have to do that? The man doesn’t even give a damn about some birthday wishes from a freak son he sent away to another man’s country years ago.”

“I’m sure he will be happy if you do,” Rose assures, her voice maintaining the same clinical softness even though Shiro’s is a little grating. “Just wish him on his special day.”

“Sorry, but I’m not doing that.”

Veronica lets out a sigh at his stubbornness. As far as she’s concerned, it’s not so much of a big deal. It’s just a hey, hi, happy birthday, and that’s all. But then again, she’s way too forgiving. It’s almost a flaw. Maybe it’s normal that Shiro is still angry at his father who, as far as he is concerned, basically disowned him for being who he is.

He doesn’t really hate his father. Hate is too strong a word. He just has terrible qualms with him. And the two men are hell-bent on never settling. Well, his father claims he is ready to put the past behind them if Shiro can—in Mr. Hashumi Tanaka’s term, ungay himself. But how does one stop themself from being gay? Perhaps Mr. Tanaka views sexuality as a temporary stage. You have the freedom to identify as gay today and straight tomorrow. Like how you dye your hair according to your mood. You choose your sexuality according to your mood, too.

Shiro was thirteen when his sixteen-year-old cousin outed him during a family dinner. The Tanakas were one of the most influential families in Japan, their wealth and power woven into the fabric of Tokyo and Kyoto. And with prestige came scrutiny—the eyes of the country always watching. Waiting for the slightest misstep.

They had built their legacy on control, on the illusion of perfection. There must be no room for scandal, no room for weakness and certainly, no room for the shame of a grandson who would one day bring home a husband instead of a wife.

So they sent Shiro off to the States. ‘There are people like him there,’ they said. ‘He will fit in until he comes back to his senses.’

But Shiro is Rose’s only child, the only thread tying her to that family. What use is she when her son is across the world, far away from her?

They sent her off too to monitor her son and take care of him. It’s been five years or so. Rumor has it that Hashumi Tanaka has gotten remarried. Neither Shiro nor his mom knows yet. Rose was told to not come back until her son was normal again. Therefore, no one has confirmed the news of her husband’s remarriage.

Rose doesn’t enjoy talking about it. Because deep down, she doesn’t want it to be true. She loves her husband, after all.

Shiro doesn’t think he’ll ever go back, unless he becomes less gay. Sometimes, he worries he might unknowingly have cost his mother happiness. But the issue is out of his control. He can’t become who he is not.

Their lives aren’t easy either.

“Shiro—”

“Hanatte oite okāsan, Jesus Christ!” Leave me alone, mom, Jesus Christ!

Shiro angrily kicks his chair backward, snapping Veronica out of her train of thoughts.

Her gaze bounces between the mother and son. Shiro is angry, his face red, while Rose is frustrated and close to tears. She hates seeing her son so upset. He’s her sunflower and he deserves nothing but joy.

“Where are you going?” Rose asks as Shiro whips around, bounding away.

“Somewhere no one is gonna disturb me to call my so-called father .” He words father as though it is a poison on his tongue that he is dying to spit out.

Rose’s eyes fall on his remaining meal and she motions to it. “Semete tabe owatte.” ‘ Finish your food, at least’

“I have lost my appetite,” he replies to whatever his mother said concerning his untouched meal, then turns his eyes to Veronica. “I’m going to my room.”

“Okay,” Veronica gives him a gentle nod, a kind smile lifting the corners of her lips.

She hears a rather agonizing sigh from the table and her gaze flickers to Shiro’s mom. The woman looks defeated.

“Sorry about that,” Veronica says, so used to this. “I’m sure he’ll come around. I’ll um, I’ll try to talk to him.”

“Thank you, love,” her mood lightens, a smile gracing her lips. “I’ll really appreciate that.”

“What are you watching?” Veronica asks, forcing Shiro to scoot away on the cuddle chair placed a few centimeters from the television screen in his room.

“Jumanji,” he mumbles, slumped on the couch, arms crossed, eyes on the screen, but it’s plain he’s not really into the film.

“Oh god, Tanaka, not that creepy stuff again,” she moans, reaching for the popcorn in his lap as she cuddles close, breathing in his scent.

“It’s nice.” He shrugs, his voice barely carrying any form of enthusiasm.

“Oh, please.” Veronica rolls her eyes. It’s not that the movie is bad. She just doesn’t think it’s nice enough for someone to watch it twenty times.

As the movie flickers across the screen, Veronica remembers promising his mom to talk him into calling his dad.

She steals a glance at him. His jaw is set, fingers drumming a slow, steady beat on his thigh.

“So, um,” she starts carefully.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” He silences her before she can even build the courage to keep talking.

“Um, sure. Okay.” She nods, releasing a defeated sigh.

After a beat, Veronica clears her throat, sitting up on the couch. Shiro glances at her from the corner of his eyes, but his gaze remains focused on the screen.

“So, if you don’t wanna talk about your problems, can we maybe talk about mine?”

His gaze flickers to her, a tired exhale breaking through his lips, his brow raised. “Do I have a choice?”

“No, actually.” She gives him a sheepish grin.

He shakes his head, making a vague gesture for her to go on.

Hesitant to speak, Veronica gazes at her hands. Shiro is probably tired of hearing about her boy problems. But he’s all she’s got. He’s the only one that will genuinely listen.

“So, Ian is still texting me.”

Shiro’s expression flattens. “And?”

“I’m at my wit’s end, Shiro, trying to figure out what to do,” she says, voice mirroring her frustration. “I spent weeks trying to reach out to this guy, you know. Even got him a damn job. Which I’m not even sure he has shown up for, by the way.” She runs a hand through her hair. “I guess I don’t know what to say to him? This whole shit is making me absolutely nuts.”

“And on the other hand?” He raises a brow.

“And,” she murmurs, her fingers picking at the thread sticking out of her arm warmer. “And I kinda wanna talk to Raidon.”

Shiro straightens slightly, his expression darkening.

“I haven’t unblocked him,” she rushes to admit, as if she needs any reason to justify her actions. “But I think what I did to him was wrong. Maybe I was too fast. I mean, I already knew things like this are new to him. What if he didn’t know how to commit or how to handle a relationship? What if he just needed a few more weeks or even months?” Pausing, her eyes dart to the screen, yet her attention remains diffuse. “I don’t know. I feel like maybe I closed the door on him too quickly. I was impatient and selfish, wanting everything done at my pace and timing, you know?”

She takes a deep breath. Ever since she gazed at his picture for hours in the bleachers that day, it’s been on her mind frequently. He is a man of brief words. And it’s also difficult to read his emotions because he’s not an open book. Just because she feels deeply doesn’t mean he’s emotionless. He might have required her help to comprehend his feelings. But she blocked him instead, closing the door on him without giving him a chance.

“Honestly, I really want you to move on from these,” Shiro advises, tone serious. “Both relationships or whatever keep hurting you. I really want you to leave them behind and take a distinct step.”

Unsatisfied, she knit her brows at what he just said. Surely, cutting off the two men who have truly ever made her feel things at a great length isn’t the only solution to this problem, is it?

“Especially the Russian dude,” he adds. “I don’t know. There is just something really off about him, you know. No social media, no records, nothing? For heaven’s sake, why didn’t you find it weird? You thought he was being cool for being incognito or what?”

Veronica bites her lower lip nervously. He is indeed making a fair point. But maybe she’s just too stupid that she can’t see the signs because truly, she doesn’t see anything wrong with a man hating having his information on social media and his face on random people’s devices. If she has her way, she will go to that extent for herself too.

Honestly, when Raidon told her that, she thought it was pretty cool. Imagine being a ghost on the internet. So popular yet no one can provide any tangible information on you.

“Seriously, people who go that far to hide their existence usually have a damn good reason.” Shiro doesn’t seem to share her sentiment at all.

With quiet contemplation, Veronica chews on the inside of her cheek.

Then Shiro leans forward. “For once, run in the opposite of danger, Vee.”

Swallowing hard, she acknowledges the painful truth in his words. But she can’t help the direction her heart keeps steering, can she?

“But,” he sighs, leaning back again. “I know you’re gonna do whatever you want, no matter what I say.”

A small smile tugs at her lips. “The chances are quite high, to be honest.”

He rolls his eyes, scoffing. “Just…follow your heart, Veronica. That’s all I’m gonna say.”

She nods, the thought stirring inside her long after the conversation ends.

She needs to follow her heart.