Page 31 of Up in Smoke (The Bunkhouse #3)
The simple part didn’t stick, but everything I said was true. I’m fully aware of my absolute word vomit. Yeah, it’s babbling overkill, and I said it all too fast, but I don’t know how to do this shit. I just know how to want her. It’s all I know right now.
“And just for the record,” I continue rambling, “I know this isn’t an equal situation. I’m no good for you in a lot of ways. You’re incredible, and maybe you’re better off with someone else. Someone with seven degrees and a savings account.”
“Tripp.”
“Or shit, someone with a clear plan for the future. I don’t have that, but I can still try. I’ll try?—”
“ Tripp .” She nearly shouts in my face, and I stop speaking for long enough to catch my breath. “Stop talking now.”
“Okay,” I sigh.
“I need to ask you something important.”
I nod.
“The way you were with women in the past—” she starts, and I instantly freeze. “Was it a coping mechanism? Or do you still think you’d rather have casual hookups without committing to anything because you just prefer it?”
“I don’t know.” I blow out a breath as the lie slips out.
I do know. I think for a moment and backpedal to honesty.
“It was a control thing. I call the shots where no-strings sex is concerned. Fun and easy until—well, until it’s not anymore.
But even if it was a bad habit, or sleazy sometimes, I think it made accepting all the other parts of my life I never had control over more manageable. Less maddening.”
Her expression softens, and I feel like we’ve backtracked. She deserves to know my answer, though. I’d be terrified of my history with girls if I were her, too.
“I don’t feel like that anymore,” I add.
“You don’t? Changing what you want doesn’t make you feel like you’re settling in some way? Like you wish you could still do the casual thing?”
“No.” I shake my head and try not to reach up and hold her face. “I don’t feel that way. Not with you.”
“You promise?” I nod again, and she gives me a closed-lip smile. “I’m not concerned with the way you used to be. We all have a past, and I’ve changed a lot recently, too . . . We both have, it seems. I just wanted to know a little more about it.” She shrugs. “That’s all.”
“I’ll tell you anything you want to know, Mace. Anything.”
“Good.” She pauses to point a finger at me. “And by the way, don’t tell me I’d be better off with someone else when I know good and well what’s best for me is what I already have.”
“Sorry.” My hands find her hips again. I can’t help it, I have to touch her. “I know.”
“Do you? You’re what I have. I’m saying I think what’s best for me right now is you , Tripp.”
She is? My eyes widen, and I almost sit up. She is .
“Oh,” I say with a smile.
“Did you really mean everything you just said?” Her voice is quiet again, and I know she’s still a little reluctant.
“Of course I did. I’m scared as shit,” I admit with a chuckle. “But I still meant every word.”
“Two terrified, horny ex-friends who have never been in a successful relationship before. What could go wrong?” Mesa jokes.
I take one of her hands and lift it toward my face so that I can kiss her inner wrist.
“I’ll get started right away on your drawer at my place. And I think you’re supposed to start calling me honey and kiss me in front of our friends,” I say with a laugh, but I’m only half-joking.
“Easy, cowboy.”
“Kidding. Kind of.”
She laughs, but her brows are still drawn together. I kiss her wrist again, and it seems to relax her a bit.
“What is it, Mace?”
“Nothing.” She shakes her head. I pin her with a look that says nice try . “Why does it feel like we still have some things to work out? More to talk about?”
“We’ll always have that, I think. Whatever bothers you, talk to me about it. Talk to me again and again until you’re over it. Maybe you never will be, but that’s okay. I’ll keep listening.”
I hardly recognize this version of myself. The thought of her hesitating around me on any subject, let alone this one, is too infuriating to even think about.
She leans down to kiss my cheek, and I smooth my hands over her lower back. As she leans up slightly to look at me again, I can still see a hint of nervousness in her eyes.
“It doesn’t have to be a giant leap. We’ll figure it out as we go.”
“Okay.” This time, a smile surrounds her words. “I’m with you.”
She kisses me with more pressure and opens her mouth for my tongue when I graze it across her lips. I’m losing my shit on the inside, but the kiss grounds me in a way. I don’t think anything has ever felt this good.
The longing between us that has been so pent-up, so strong and impossible to hide, finally dissolves into something more sure: Desire.
Her thumb dusts along my jaw, while I frame the curves of her hips with my hands. The aching need to flip us and smother every inch of her skin with my mouth is unbelievably hard to tamp down.
Mesa comes up for air after another minute and peppers my neck with sweet kisses. Her fingers trail down and smooth over my left pec. “I’d like to wake up with my face against this chest on the regular.”
“I can make that happen.”
She takes my face in both of her hands. “And never wear a shirt again.”
“Never?”
“Never ever.”
My hands slide up to her upper arms, and I pull to make her collapse on top of me. We roll over until I’m hovering above her and smashing my mouth against hers. My hips grind down, but the second they do, her body goes rigid. I furrow my brows and pull away to look at her face.
“I’m—on my period.”
“Okay.” I shrug, leaning back down to claim her mouth again and resume pressing my hips to hers.
She laughs into my mouth. Her hands press against my chest until I reluctantly pull back again with a sigh.
“I don’t care if you’re on your period,” I say.
She blushes. “You don’t?”
“No,” I scoff. “Why would I?”
“Okay.” She smiles shyly. “Well, as much as I’d like to get naked with you right now, I actually have a little headache. And cramps. And I kind of want to get the baggy sweatpants out of my bag and then cocoon myself in a blanket while you hold me until the sun comes up.”
I bend to kiss her before rolling to the side of the bed and jogging to the bathroom.
“What are you doing?” she calls out.
“Painkillers, babe.” I reenter the bedroom and place a bottle of pills on the nightstand. “Be right back, okay?”
She reaches for my hand and pulls me back down to the bed for another kiss. Will this ever get old? Our lips are going to fall off by the end of the week if we keep this up, and I don’t even care. I love it.
“I promise I’ll be right back,” I repeat, chuckling at the way she continues trying to pull me back down to the bed.
She finally releases me, and I’m out the door and halfway down the lane in the next few minutes. After a short drive and parking downtown, my phone buzzes.
Heston
Where you goin
Run to the lick her store
Gage
lol
Party on a Thursday?
Warren
I’m out. Savvy’s taking off work early so we can go to the drive in
Heston
Barf.
Have fun and tell her I said she can do better than your soft ass
Warren
She already knows that.
No party just a little restock. Stopping in for groceries, too.
Gage
You restock like you’re building a bunker
Which would be a flex
It’s for Mesa. She’s in my room and has a headache btw. Don’t bother her.
Warren
Song links on your story and now this. I give up.
Gage
Man’s down astronomical *crying emoji*
Do you send her texts like drive safe or sweet dreams too?
Heston
Yes I’ve seen them.
Warren
…
Sorry for being a good boyfriend this chat is literally abuse
I know y’all have better shit to do. Bunch of bored simps.
Heston
Couldn’t be me
It’s most of all you.
Heston has left the chat
Heston has been added to the chat.
Heston
*middle finger emoji*
Gage
Wait wtf? Boyfriend?
I said what I said.
Warren
The plot thickens.
Heston
This should go well.
That’s the plan.