Page 7 of Until the Rake Surrenders (Rogue Rules #5)

M in had been utterly unprepared for the overwhelming sensations Evan’s kiss aroused within her. This was nothing like the one experience she’d had years ago. And thank goodness for that. This exceeded her imagination and altered everything she believed. Kissing wasn’t terrible after all.

His warm hand cupped her neck, making her feel both safe and hungry for something she couldn’t explain. He stroked her jaw with his thumb and deepened the kiss, his mouth gently opening against hers.

She braced herself for what would come next. She knew that much, at least, except this was, once again, completely different from what she’d known before. He coaxed her mouth with his lips, urging her to open, but she did not feel pressured or invaded. Instead, she was swept away on a tide of thrilling curiosity. She opened her mouth against his and felt an instant jolt of pleasure.

His other hand was against her lower back, and he pressed more firmly, bringing their bodies more tightly together. She was surprised but did not mind. Rather, she gloried in the contact.

Then his tongue slipped past her lips, and she felt emboldened, meeting him with her own. The intimate exchange was not at all distasteful. On the contrary, the heat curling inside her expanded and spread. This was passion. She’d never expected to experience it. But she had hoped.

Evan moved slowly, his hands caressing her with gentle precision while his mouth did the same. When their tongues met more fully, a shiver raced through her. She clutched at his shoulders, and he held her tightly, and she was both overwhelmed and desperate that this embrace should never end. What if this was the only time she would feel like this?

Min copied what he did, sliding her tongue along his and angling her head. She clasped the back of his neck and twined her fingers in the thick hair at his nape. Pressing herself against him even more, she felt his arousal just above her own sex. She became aware of sensation there. It began as a faint throb of desire, but she felt it in every part of her body.

Evan made a sound deep in his throat and lifted his head from hers. “That is probably as far as we should go,” he said softly.

Min released him and took a step back as reality reclaimed her. “We should forget this happened.”

He looked into her eyes and, never appearing more serious, said, “I shall not ever forget this, Min.”

She wouldn’t either. Averting her gaze, she mumbled, “Good night,” as she moved past him, fleeing the library. She practically raced for the staircase hall.

As she ascended, she wondered if she ought to return and help Evan to his bed, but he seemed to be managing all right with the walking stick. She didn’t think she could go back. In fact, she wasn’t sure how she could ever face him again after what had just happened.

She slowed as she reached the top of the stairs and pressed her hands to her warm cheeks. She needed to grab hold of herself before she reached her bedchamber. If Ellis was still awake, and she almost certainly would be, she would see Min’s face and know something had happened.

Was Min not going to tell her?

Blowing out a breath, Min considered whether she wanted to reveal the kiss. There were very few secrets she kept from Ellis. In fact, they were only the secrets that she, in many ways, kept from herself.

By the time Min reached the bedchamber, she felt a little more herself. At least, her cheeks were thankfully not as warm as they had been. Opening the door, she slipped inside and closed it softly behind her. She still wasn’t sure what she would say, if anything.

A small cot had been provided for Ellis, but Min had invited her to share the large bed, since it was far more comfortable and there was plenty of room for them both. That was what they usually did when they shared a room for whatever reason.

Ellis was already in bed reading. She looked up from her book as Min entered. “Did you finally win at chess?”

“No,” Min replied. “I kissed Evan instead.”

So much for not sharing what had happened. But that had never really been a possibility. Of course, Min would tell Ellis about the kiss.

Ellis set the book on the table next to her side of the bed and slid from beneath the bedclothes. Min moved toward the armoire and kicked off her slippers.

“That’s all you’re going to say?” Ellis asked, coming to stand beside Min.

Min shrugged as she pulled the pearl comb from her hair. “There’s nothing to say.” She didn’t dare look at Ellis, but she could imagine her expression of astonishment.

“You can’t just say that and nothing else,” Ellis said. “What happened?”

“It was nothing.” Min glanced toward Ellis, who was staring at her with her lips pursed.

Ellis crossed her arms over her chest. “You kissing Evan is not nothing. You kissing anyone is not nothing.” She paused. “Should I ask him what happened?”

Min turned to face her. “No, you’re never to speak of it to him or to anyone. We’re going to forget it happened.” Except he’d explicitly told her that he would not. And Min knew she wouldn’t either. Moving past Ellis, she went to the dressing table and set the comb atop it.

“But it did happen.” Ellis had turned and followed her partway to the dressing table. “If you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t force you, but I’m here to listen if you want to share.”

“Thank you.” Min let her shoulders dip with relief. “Will you unfasten my gown?” She presented her back to Ellis, who immediately set to work.

In a few minutes, Min had stripped away everything but her chemise. Ellis stood near the dressing table, her gaze wary.

Min couldn’t stand it any longer and threw her hands up. “I’m so confused. He asked me if I’d ever kissed anyone.”

Ellis went to one of the two chairs near the hearth and sat. “Did you tell him about Samuel in Weston, all those years ago?”

“I did.” Min joined her and perched on the other chair. “I suppose that’s what prompted me to ask him to kiss me.”

“You asked him to?” Ellis’s pale brows climbed her forehead.

“Yes.” Min shivered. There was a low fire in the hearth, and she held out her hand for a bit of warmth. “For so long, I thought that maybe I wasn’t made for kissing—or for marriage. I hated that kiss with Samuel.”

“I knew you didn’t care for it.” Ellis’s brow pleated. “I didn’t realize you’d hated it. Some people are just bad kissers. Not you, but Samuel,” she clarified.

“What if it is me?” Min hadn’t shared that fear with anyone before. “I had assumed there is something wrong with me.”

Ellis leaned forward and reached out to touch Min’s hand. “Oh, Min, there’s nothing wrong with you. Why would you think that?”

“I know you’ve kissed someone, and you enjoyed it. Persephone had kissed someone before she met Wellesbourne, and she enjoyed it. Why didn’t I?”

“Like I said, it could just be that Samuel was an awful kisser.” Ellis patted Min’s hand before sitting back in her chair. “It’s nothing to do with you.”

“Except, wouldn’t you think that I would have wanted to try again with someone else so that I could experience a good kiss?” Min asked. “Instead, I’ve avoided it. Honestly, I didn’t even really want to kiss Samuel, but I thought I would try it. I didn’t like it, and I didn’t care to try again.”

“It makes sense to me that you might choose to avoid kissing anyone again until the right person came along. Is that what happened with Evan?”

“Yes.” The answer surprised Min, but it shouldn’t have. She’d wanted to kiss him. She’d felt a tingling anticipation she’d never experienced before. “I’ve started to feel different around him the past few days. My heart pounds, and I have a fluttery feeling in my belly.” She brushed her hand over her midsection.

“It sounds as though you’re attracted to him at least,” Ellis said with a smile. “Could it be more than that?”

Min snapped her gaze to Ellis’s. “Are you asking if I’m falling in love?” Min shook her head. “We are friends . I can’t imagine being married to Evan. He’s Gwen’s brother.”

“But you are attracted to him,” Ellis said. At Min’s nod, she added, “I confess I’d wondered if maybe you might be attracted to women instead.”

Min blinked at her. “I did consider that, because when I would listen to you and the others talk about kissing or how our friends feel about their husbands, I just couldn’t understand. I’ve never felt anything close to that. Not even an inkling.” Min blinked at her. “You know what I mean, don’t you? You’ve kissed one or two young men.”

“Two,” Ellis replied.

“I remember the cobbler’s son that one summer we were at Beacon Park,” Min said. “You kept going into town to see him. You seemed smitten. What did that feel like?”

“Much like you describe.” Ellis smiled, her gaze warming. “Flutters and a racing pulse, a wonderful heat coupled with excitement when I would go to see him. Is that how you feel with Evan?”

That tingling anticipation Min felt in his presence. “Yes. What does that mean?”

“I’m describing lust,” Ellis said frankly. “In hindsight, that is what I shared with Jacob. It wasn’t love.”

“This isn’t love with Evan either. I suppose it could be lust.”

“Perhaps you’ve simply had an awakening,” Ellis suggested with a wave of her hand. “For whatever reason, Evan has stirred something within you. And since you are friends, I think it’s brilliant that you felt you could ask him to kiss you, if only to see what it was like.” She looked at Min intently. “And how was it?”

Min chewed the inside of her lip. She was afraid to say. “It was nice,” she said quietly.

Only, nice didn’t begin to describe the tumult of feelings that were still churning inside her, and the excitement that Ellis spoke of simmered within Min. But the house party was nearly over, and while she might see Evan in Bath next month, they could not—they would not—continue as they had here at the party.

“I can see you’re worried,” Ellis noted. “Why?”

Min lifted a shoulder. “I suppose I don’t know how to act with him now. We agreed to forget that it happened.” They really hadn’t.

“But you can’t.”

“Not immediately, at least.” Min exhaled. “I’m glad the party’s almost over—one more day. Evan is well enough to move around on his own, so I needn’t spend time with him tomorrow. He doesn’t need me to distract him or entertain him.”

Ellis arched a brow. “One might argue he never needed that. But you provided companionship just the same. Have you considered why?”

“I was being a friend,” Min said, thinking she sounded a trifle defensive. A voice in the back of her head suggested there was, perhaps, something more to it. But no, there couldn’t be—Evan was her friend’s brother, as well as a rogue and uninterested in marriage at this juncture.

“I have one last chance on the Marriage Mart,” Min said with determination. “I must give that my full attention in Bath.”

Ellis cocked her head, her eyes narrowed slightly. “You haven’t just declined suitors because they were rogues, have you?”

“No,” Min whispered. “The ones who weren’t rogues didn’t stir anything within me. I didn’t want to be trapped in a marriage without love or…passion.”

“That is not only understandable, it’s admirable.” Ellis gave her an encouraging smile. “I know my opinion on the matter counts for very little, but there you have it.”

“Your opinion will always be important to me,” Min said fiercely.

Ellis smiled briefly. “Do you really expect to find a husband in Bath?”

“No,” Min replied honestly. “However, I do have the faintest hope. I’d given up, but now that I know I can feel passion, I think it’s possible the right man is out there. And if I fail to find him in Bath, I’ll enter a convent.”

“If you don’t find him, it won’t be a failure, Min.”

Min knew what her friend was trying to say—that Min’s inability to find a husband was through no fault of her own. Not wanting to accept a marriage without love or passion was not a failure. In fact, marrying someone for whom Min felt none of those things would be the ultimate failure to her.

Ellis rose. “You can’t go to a convent. We’re supposed to start a school for girls, if you recall.”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Min grinned as she stood and went to the dresser to fetch her night rail.

They’d talked about opening a school for some time now, but the truth was that Min, as the daughter of a duke, would not be allowed to do such a thing. Or would she? Her father had changed of late. He was no longer pressuring her in the same ways as her mother.

Min changed into her night rail and walked to the bed, where Ellis was standing.

“Whatever happens, I will be your companion as long as you want me to,” Ellis said.

Min hugged her tightly, grateful for her support and love. There was no one in the world she trusted more. “Thank you, Ellis. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Then it’s a good thing you never have to find out.”