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I’m aching like I have never before.

The way his breath ghosts over my lips, warm, uneven, and laced with such restraint.

“Jordyn,” he murmurs, voice low and trembling, “I only possess so much self-control. Especially when it comes to you. So if you don’t want me to kiss you right now… pull away.”

But I don’t move…I can’t, because I want this. I want him more than I have ever wanted anything in my life.

“Kiss me,” I whisper.

He stills, like he needs one last thread to hold onto.

“Bambina, no...” he murmurs, his voice cracked and low, like it physically hurts him to say it. “Not like this…”

“Baciami, Ares.” The plea escapes me in a breath, my fingers curling around the back of his neck. It would be so easy to lean in, to close the distance and take what I want, but I don’t.

Because I’m not just feeling this.

I’m drowning in it.

“Per favore,” I whisper, and I feel the moment he shatters. His arms slide around my waist, tight, pulling me against him until there’s no space left.

No him. No me. Only us .

My heart is a drum in my chest, threatening to break bone.

“I’ve never kissed anyone before,” I say softly, not looking away. I don’t know why I tell him, maybe because he needs to know this matters. That he matters. “I waited for the right moment… the right person. And it’s you, Ares. I want it to be you.”

I breathe, tremble, confess, “God, I feel like I might die if you don’t kiss me.”

“ Christ, ” He exhales sharply, a low, strangled sound that punches out of his chest like it was ripped from somewhere deep, and it breaks something open in me.

And then he leans in.

His mouth presses against mine, lightly at first, like he’s giving me the opportunity to stop or pull away.

And when I don’t, his lips brush over mine, dexterously parting my lips with his.

My head is already spinning, but when I feel him suck and nibble on my bottom lip, my legs turn to jelly and my knees almost buckle.

Oh God.

Ares kisses like he’s been starved for my taste, like denying himself was killing him and he can’t bear it another second. His hands grip my waist, holding me like I’m both precious and necessary, like letting go isn’t an option anymore.

Everything inside me stops. The world as I know it stops spinning on its axis.

I thought I knew what kissing would feel like. Soft. Maybe clumsy. Shy, even. But this, this feels like breathing after suffocating for so long.

His mouth moves over mine slowly, like he’s trying to memorise every line and curve. My fingers instinctively comb though his hair, anchoring myself because I’m afraid I might fall otherwise. Not just physically. All the way.

Ares’s hand comes up to cradle my jaw, the pad of his thumb brushing my cheek, and the way he holds me, so gently, like I’m fragile and I’ll break if he holds too tight, makes my heart ache in the best kind of way.

He tastes like warmth and scotch and everything I’ve never let myself hope for.

When he pulls back just enough to breathe, our lips are still touching, our foreheads press together, and I swear I can still feel the kiss lingering on my lips like something sacred.

“You were worth waiting for,” I whisper, eyes still closed, my breath tangled with his.

“I’ve never been worth anything...until you,” he replies, voice rough and awed, like I’ve given him something he never thought he’d have.

But it’s not enough.

Not yet.

I open my eyes and look up at him.. His gaze is still on my mouth, like he’s etching the shape of it of it into his memory, or the way it felt under his. I can tell he’s trying to be good and gentle...as gentle as a man like him could be.

But I don’t want gentle right now. I rise on my toes and slide my hands back up his chest, curling around his neck. His breath stutters the second I lean in and brush my lips over his again, an invitation this time. A question I already know the answer to.

He doesn’t make me wait.

Ares kisses me again.

But this time, it’s different.

It’s deeper. And it steals the air from my lungs.

One hand slides to the back of my neck, anchoring me to him, and then his mouth parts just enough to tease mine open. His tongue brushes lightly against mine, slow, coaxing, wicked, and a soft sound escapes me before I can stop it.

A moan.

Low, breathless and so fucking real.

Ares groans into my mouth like the sound undoes him.

Like I undo him.

My body melts into his as the kiss deepens, heat curling low in my belly. He’s still gentle, still holding me like I might break, but there’s something else now. Something darker. A flicker of possession beneath the softness. Like he’s wanted this just as badly, just as long as I have.

When we finally pull apart, it’s only just enough to breathe, barely a breath between us, our lips still brushing, foreheads pressed together like we’re afraid to let go.

My lungs ache, but it’s not air that I want. I want him .

Ares doesn’t speak.

Neither do I.

We just exist there, tangled in something too big to name.

My fingers stay curled at the back of his neck, his arms still locked around my waist, keeping me locked in this moment.

Or maybe he’s afraid if he loosens his grip, I might vanish.

He’s looking at me, like I’ve splintered something open inside him, something he can’t close, can’t name, can’t survive.

And I feel it too.

This kiss didn’t feel like a first.

It felt like a shift , like something in the world tipped and it’ll never be the same again.

“I meant it,” I whisper softly, each word laced with sincerity.

“Every word.” His thumb gently caresses my cheek, the touch tender and lingering, yet he remains silent, his eyes fixed intently on mine, as if searching for something unspoken.

For a moment, I'm captivated, unable to look away from him, this beautiful, broken man who just kissed me like he was praying for forgiveness and begging me to stay all at once.

And I know I will. Even though I don’t know him, and he remains an enigma to me. A labyrinth of secrets and scars, I know I can’t turn my back on this inexplicable connection.

I know I can’t walk away.

The sensible part of me whispers that I should walk away, but I can't. Because even now, as we stand together in this fragile silence, I can sense the subtle rise of his defences, like walls being rebuilt brick by brick, guarding the vulnerability he momentarily revealed to me.

I feel it before he says a word.

The subtle shift in his posture. The tightening of his jaw. The stillness that wraps around him like armour. He pulls back, not far, just enough that I feel the loss of him everywhere at once.

“Ares…” I whisper, but the name feels fragile now, like it might break in my mouth. His hand falls away from my cheek.

That small, tender part of him, the part that let me in, is already retreating.

“It’s late, you should go,” he says quietly, his tone stripped bare of warmth. “Before someone notices you’re missing.”

It doesn’t sound like anger. No, it sounds like a man trying to shut a door before the light gets in too far.

“If anyone cared they would have noticed a long time ago.” I state, my voice barely above a breath.

Ares stares at me for a beat, and I swear I see something flash in his dark eyes.

“You seriously want me to leave?” He doesn’t answer right away.

Just turns slightly, his gaze dropping to the floor like the truth is too dangerous to speak out loud.

I reach for him, placing my hand on his jaw and bring his gaze back to me. “Why, Ares?”

“Because Jordyn, this...wasn’t supposed to happen,” he finally says. “Not with you.”

“Not with me ?” I step closer to him, my heart thudding. “Tell me why ?”

“Because you’re good,” he says, his voice sharp but pained as he draws his face away from my touch. “And I’m not. I’m the thing good people don’t survive.”

The words slam into me like shards of ice.

“I don’t believe that,” I whisper. “You don’t protect someone as fiercely as you do me if you don’t have any goodness in you, Ares.”

His eyes search mine, but he doesn’t speak.

“You showed up,” I say quietly. “You didn’t have to, but you did. You tore through men for me. You got blood on your hands, because I was in danger. That’s not evil. That’s not cold. That’s human .”

“I stopped being human a long time ago. Ask anyone, they’ll tell you,” he growls, turning away.

I continue, stepping closer. “I don’t care about everyone else. I care about what you showed me . About how you made me feel. I care about the way you kissed me like it was the first honest thing you’ve let yourself feel in years.”

His eyes flick to mine, one flicker, like something inside him is begging to believe it.

But then the wall slams back up.

“Listen to me, there is no version of this where we work, Jordyn,” he expresses, his voice colder now. Final . “And I won’t let you waste your firsts on someone who doesn’t deserve them.”

My throat tightens, heat burning behind my eyes.

Too late. I already did.

“You regret it,” I say softly and he stills. His jaw clenches and unclenches.

And then he looks at me, like really looks at me. And what I see in his eyes cuts straight through me.

“No,” he says, voice gritty, like it’s moment away from breaking. “ I don’t. ”

“Then why?—”

“Because it wasn’t about me , Jordyn,” he cuts in gently, shaking his head.

“That kiss… it was about you . About giving you the moment you deserved. The first kiss you dreamed of. Something untouched. Uncomplicated .” He explains.

“I won’t ruin that by pretending that this is something it’s not or that you and I have some kind of future, because we don’t and never will. ”

I stare at him, breathing hard, the silence stretching between us like a wound.

“I know what you’re doing. You think you’re doing the right thing by pushing me away,” I whisper.